Not talking

[Starleena]

What is your opinion about "late talkers"?

 

My beautiful daughter is 2 years and a half. She has always been very quiet. I read to her, do the leapfrog books as well, we do the picture cards, picture books with names. I talk to her all the time. She was late when it came to babbling, now she is constantly babbling with is awesome. At least she is babbling instead of being quiet like she used to be. I got worried and spoke to my pediatrician about it, she told me to stop worrying but let's get involved with the early intervention just in case. My daughter has seen a speech therapist but the therapist told me it's still a bit too early but suggested I do speech workshops, which I have done. Our early interventionist does home visits and my daughter has been in daycare for about a year now, pediatrician thought it would do my daughter good to listen to other children, it may help her speech. Plus I live out in the country so it's hard for my daughter to interact with other children. I drive in to the next city to take her to groups, the park, swimming, etc. Ahhh guess what. She is still not talking. She has learnt 3 words and that's it. I have been told to teach her sign language which is great, it helps my daughter communicate with me but I'm also believing it is making her lazy. Instead of saying thank you, she just touches her chin to do the sign language in thank you right away and won't even try to talk to me. I told the early interventionist I don't agree with the sign language, I know it's wonderful my daughter can communicate to me but I honestly believe in her eyes-- why should I try to talk when I can just simply do a quick little sign. The early interventionist says because when you do the sign, you speak out the word as well. That's fine but my daughter isn't even trying to talk even when I do say the word along with the sign.

 

She babbles a lot and makes gestures, humming noises. She knows the words Dadda, Mumma and no. EVERY THING is no, it's almost she has learnt the word she needs to know in her world.. "Lily it's time for bed" "NO!!!!"

Sometimes I can get her to repeat back what I say but she has a hard time pronouncing the words. The workshops I went to, helped a lot. Explaining to my daughter to say thank you.. and really slowly pronouncing the word first like THA THA THA THANK.

 

I have always wondered if her speech is delayed because of autism. The early intervention say they don't see enough red flags to consider her to be autistic. She does eye contact, knows her name, takes direction very well and so on.

 

It is so confusing and frustrating. All these specialists have done their part and it's basically the waiting game now. My daughter is on the waiting list which is up to a year or 15 months to see a developmentalist. But till then it's just keep trying and trying, one day she will hopefully talk. The early intervention likes to see us to see how she's doing. I go to a lot of groups and do activities with my daughter, other mommies have told me to relax.. all children are different, reach milestones at a different age. Some people have told me it was exactly the same experience with them with their child where their child didn't talk at all until he/she was 3 and instantly started talking in sentences. I have tried my hardest and I'm going to keep trying.. bumping in to other mommies with a child the same age as my daughter and her child is talking... I feel so horrible. Sometimes I wonder if other mommies judge me meanwhile I have tried and keep trying to work on my daughters speech.

Edited June 24, 2011 by Starleena

[turnera]

My husband didn't start talking until he was 2 or 3, and only when he could make complete sentences. And he's the smartest person I've ever met.

[DaisyLeigh]

She is young. If you are concerned, have her evaluated. It won't harm her and will likely put your mind at ease. And IF she does have a problem, better to address it now than later.

[spiderowl]

I do feel for you because I can easily imagine how frustrating this is. As a mother whose child had problems starting as a toddler, I know how people react to concerns raised by a parent. Basically, until she is about four and preparing to go to school, no-one will panic about this. Some children do seem to go for ages before speaking properly. I know a young man who was not speaking clearly at the age of three. He spoke but it was incomprehensible. He did have speech therapy after that and is now a grown man and you would never know he had a problem. If she can do all the other normal things, then it could be that the part of the brain responsible for speech just hasn't developed as quickly for her and that this will gradually fall into place.

 

Having said the above, I know the frustration you are going through. I alerted just about everyone to my son's problems and got told he's young yet, wait and see. Other parents really didn't see much of a problem. In fact, everyone seemed very patronising as if I was worrying about nothing or, alternatively, not doing something right. I knew something was wrong. Listen to your instincts. If you feel the sign language will discourage her from speaking, listen to that instinct but be prepared for your daughter to get frustrated if she can't communicate (if she already knows sign language then you can't really go back on this). I know it won't reassure you but I know an autistic adult who was taught sign language as a child. He never did learn to speak. Whether he didn't speak because he was autistic or because he never had to make an effort after learning sign language, no-one will know. But, he is autistic and not speaking was one symptom. This doesn't mean that your daughter is autistic.

 

I would forget about programmes, unless they are for individual speech therapy. It is just frustrating for you at the moment. If you personally find anything that supports you, then go for it. You are the one who is suffering at the moment from the stress of your daughter being out of step. It is quite likely she will just adapt and learn and in a very short time, surprising you, so it's something to keep an eye on but not to get too worried about yet.

 

If your daughter finds speech difficult herself - and it sounds as if she does - then it is likely she won't want to make an effort. I'd suggest doing some 'dog training' here. If she makes any effort to speak, give her an immediate reward, some small treat food that won't harm her teeth. Don't make an issue of it, but the intention is that she realises that if she tries hard, she'll get a reward but there will be no punishment or deprivation if she doesn't. Hopefully, this will wean her off the sign language and you will both feel she is getting somewhere.

 

Bearing in mind that she will probably be going to school at the age of four or five, she will need to be able to speak by then or will need special arrangements to be made. If you feel she is not getting anywhere by the age of three or just over, then I would request speech therapy.

 

There's no point worrying about any difference between your daughter's development and those of others. There is often 'baby competition' between parents when children are young, which tends to go out of the window when they turn into spotty and rebellious teenagers - then parents are just glad they've come home sober and safe! My child never matched what his peers did. In some respects he was more advanced but in others he was frustratingly different and uncooperative. I had no explanation or support, although it was later diagnosed as Asperger's Syndrome. Just realise that you are the authority on your child and so-called experts and parents whose children are doing all the normal things have little idea of your personal experience of this. Experts can advise on their specialism but, amazingly, still be lacking in empathy as to what it's like to cope with a different child. You have obviously done your best for your child and it's up to her now. There may be therapy later but for the moment you've done your best and you deserve a break from this stress. It's not down to you to make something work that you have little control over. Try to relax for a while and do something that makes you happy. You deserve a treat for all your hard work.