Does Life Work Out?

[lynne76]

It's been a long time since I posted here, but I'm back and needing support once again. I went nc from the mm I had been having an affair with for a year. The nc broke for some rather drastic reasons that I won't get into here, it would take too long to tell the story, and my mm is a public figure and I think he would be recognized if I told it. Suffice to say, I'm now back to being nc, and again, I'm having a very hard time. It is only day 2 and it feels like 2 years. I'm having so much trouble imagining my life without him and I'm so brokenhearted about everything. It's hard to explain, but it feels like we were somehow fated to know each other and share what we shared, and truthfully while it was underway, I always had this feeling in the back of my mind that it would all still work out for us, despite the fact that he is in a very healthy marriage (I know that is hard to understand since he was with me, but please believe me...he loves his wife and marriage very much)...I was deluding myself, obviously, but it was a feeling I had never experienced before...that kind of certainty. I was in a long term relationship myself for seven years, but I always knew it would end at some point, and it did. When I met my mm, it was like time stood still and we both had shivers up our spines. Neither of us had ever reacted to someone like that before, and we spent the last year just completely in love and enamored with one another. I know it is controversial to say, but it really has been the most supportive, rewarding, and enriching relationship of my life. And now I can't imagine anyone coming close to him. He's a remarkable man...yes, with some flaws, but there was (and is) such magic between us and I can't believe it will be duplicated again, though I want to believe it can be.

 

I am soon turning 35 and I am hopeful that some people on this forum may be able to reassure me that in time I will recover and that I may even still be able to meet a man who is just for me, and not one who is trying to share himself with two women (and wearing himself out in the process).

 

Does life really work out in the end, at least to some degree? Or should I just try to accept that I am probably going to be single for life? I am so sad about that fact...I wanted kids, a family....I tried for years and years to find a man to date, but I live in a city with very few options for single women. I have thought about moving but it is not possible for family reasons, and honestly the idea of starting over yet again, trying to find a new job, new friends, etc seems too daunting at my age.

 

Do you ever get over the love of your life? Is that possible? How?

 

I'm so lonely and confused and would sincerely appreciate and success stories from those who have a few years on me, at any rate.

 

Thanks.

[whichwayisup]

First off you have to fully get rid of any shred of hope you still might have or that stuff in the back of your head. ANY future contact at all only means that you could fall back into the affair, be the OW again, or it's just contacting for the sake of missing eachother.. Which is pointless since you don't want to be his side dish. Love or not, this guy, as you said, IS married and has no desire to divorce his wife to be with you..

 

Stop seeing this guy in good light and focus on the negatives. EVEN IF you did end with him, who's to say that he wouldn't cheat on you as well? Hell, what if he had/has other OW other than you? Last thing you need to be is today's story of yet how another famous man gets caught cheating on his wife and betraying his family..End be and on TV, in the papers, gossip magazines etc..

 

You WILL get through this and heal. Do counselling, talk to your closest friends that you trust, journal your feelings and thoughts daily, write him letters (don't send them, ever..This is just for you, theraputic reasons to help you feel better) and be PRO ACTIVE in not allowing this to kill you inside. Like any break up, it takes time to work through stuff, grieve and heal.

 

And one day the pain will be less and less, when the timing is better and you're ready someone will walk into your life.