Thieves Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Just wondering, but is it normal to go back and forth between being angry with the ex and being alright for months on end? I don't know if it's just me, maybe I'm going crazy, but there are times when I'm totally at peace with the fact that my 'ex' and I will never be together again, and other times it's like it actually settles in and my mind goes berserk! When that happens, I'll be in a "mood" for a few days, thinking this will never end. It drives me crazy because I know that I've accepted it - I know it wasn't meant to be - but something seems to be holding me back from getting that last piece of closure? Just wish I knew what it was! And it's not like we ended on bad terms at all, we actually parted on amicable terms and decided to remain "friends" at first (I say 'decided' because I eventually told him I couldn't be his friend, it was too hard). It's been almost a year now... Any guesses for why I might be yo-yoing back and forth like this? Anybody ever go through this? I'm hoping someone has, so I won't feel like a total loser. Oh and I'm new to the forums, so hello everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 whens the last time you spoke with him? Link to post Share on other sites
kittycat95 Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Yes, I would say it's very normal! The best thing to do is to just distract yourself when you're in a "mood" and try not to think of them. It helps to visualize the thoughts you have as something. Personally, I visualize my thoughts as a monkey with a cymbal: I know it's weird but it's kind of a funny image, and it's kind of loud in my head too, so it sort of "snaps" me out of things. I am also okay sometimes, but sometimes when the "mood" strikes and things feel really dark, it helps to try to be kind to yourself and slowly get out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Just wondering, but is it normal to go back and forth between being angry with the ex and being alright for months on end? I don't know if it's just me, maybe I'm going crazy, but there are times when I'm totally at peace with the fact that my 'ex' and I will never be together again, and other times it's like it actually settles in and my mind goes berserk! When that happens, I'll be in a "mood" for a few days, thinking this will never end. It drives me crazy because I know that I've accepted it - I know it wasn't meant to be - but something seems to be holding me back from getting that last piece of closure? Just wish I knew what it was! And it's not like we ended on bad terms at all, we actually parted on amicable terms and decided to remain "friends" at first (I say 'decided' because I eventually told him I couldn't be his friend, it was too hard). It's been almost a year now... Any guesses for why I might be yo-yoing back and forth like this? Anybody ever go through this? I'm hoping someone has, so I won't feel like a total loser. Oh and I'm new to the forums, so hello everyone! Welcome to LS!!!!! Hey, if you were really crazy about him then it will take some time. The guys I was really crazy about I think of every now and then and reminisce only because there has been noone to take their place...so I guess it's boredom for me? I really do understand where you're coming from though BTDT and it sucks...I hope it ends for you soon...God Bless and take care! Link to post Share on other sites
thelovingkind Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Aaaaaaabsolutely! I cycle through contrasting emotions quite regularly, sometimes throughout the day. One minute it's total peace and acceptance and feeling like I wish my ex well ("So feelings change, nothing wrong with that, could have happened to me"), then it's confusion and slight resentment ("How could you be telling me you don't know how you lived without me and what you'd do if we were separated, and then a few weeks later you don't need me in your life anymore?"), then I'll be feeling breezy and philosophical about it all ("Really, who meets the love of their life in their early 20s anyway?) and then I'll burn up with a hot flash of wtf anger ("How could he pretend to be so genuine when he's just like the other players who act loved up and then drop and run as soon as things start to settle down?") This is why maintaining NC from day 1 is key. Probing your ex for answers to every toss and turn of your emotions is a recipe for hating yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thieves Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 Aaaaaaabsolutely! I cycle through contrasting emotions quite regularly, sometimes throughout the day... This is why maintaining NC from day 1 is key. Probing your ex for answers to every toss and turn of your emotions is a recipe for hating yourself. Yes! I'm sitting here wondering how it is that a person can go through so many moods in one day! I'm surprised I haven't worn myself out by now And I have been in NC (again) since January. I'm not really struggling with it this time but I do miss him sometimes... and then I'll burn up with a hot flash of wtf anger ("How could he pretend to be so genuine when he's just like the other players who act loved up and then drop and run as soon as things start to settle down?") Hahah! This actually made me laugh because it's sooo true for me right now! Ergh. I feel so bi-polar, it's unreal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thieves Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 whens the last time you spoke with him? Mid-January. Which was probably a mistake because all the email I got back from him did was confirm that yes, he is "sorry", and yes he is still with the other girl, and yes, she really is wonderful. And of course that set me back a month or two. But ever since then, not a peep from me or him.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thieves Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 Yes, I would say it's very normal! The best thing to do is to just distract yourself when you're in a "mood" and try not to think of them. It helps to visualize the thoughts you have as something. Personally, I visualize my thoughts as a monkey with a cymbal: I know it's weird but it's kind of a funny image, and it's kind of loud in my head too, so it sort of "snaps" me out of things. I am also okay sometimes, but sometimes when the "mood" strikes and things feel really dark, it helps to try to be kind to yourself and slowly get out of it. Haha, I never thought of that method! I'll give it a try. Hell, I'm just about willing to try anything at this point Usually what I do to get myself out of a "mood" is just read or listen to music, you know? I'm die hard music fan, so I always need to have something on no matter what, but it's hard when you start thinking of that same person during certain songs - songs that aren't even that lovey dovey at all. Link to post Share on other sites
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