Confused

[Chris]

My girlfriend said she wanted space, so we ended our relationship because I was looking for more out of it than she was. Months went by and we did not talk except for 2 or 3 emails and they were very light. We then bumped into each other and had a nice conversation and she seemed very happy to see me again. I made not too much of it but it felt good because of how positive she reacted to seeing me after so long without contact. A few weeks have gone by since, and we saw each other again at the store. We talked briefly, and I told her I was looking to join a place to workout and meet with a trainer. She was very friendly again and she strongly encouraged me to join the place she goes to (she knows a lot about that stuff, she is studying physical therapy/sports medicine in college) and she works there also part time at the desk. She explained to me who I should see and why it would be good, and even told me to ask for a certain person and to tell them I knew her and she'd make sure I got a discount rate. She even drew me a map of how to get to the place on the back of a peice of paper.

 

I didn't jump at going there right away just because I don't want her to think I was so eager. I decided to go there however and it was a nice place and it was much cheaper than I thought because they did give me the "town resident" rate even though I don't live right in that town. Needless to say I did not want to bother her too much when she was working, so when I see her there I don't go right up to her and talk. The second or third day I was there I was getting a drink of water and she acknowledged I was there by saying "hey" to me. I responded with a simple hello. About 10 days have gone by, and when we are both there at the same time, even if she is working out and not working, she fails to say hello or even acknowledge that I'm there. A few times she walked right by me without looking at me and just today I was on a machine and she got on the machine next to me and did not say a word or even look at me for 20 minutes.

 

So can someone tell me what the heck is going on? We don't see each other for a while after she says she needs space, but then when we do she is very friendly, laughs and jokes around, gives me a hug, and really really tries to convince me to take a look at the place to workout that she goes to. Then when I decide to do that, she absolutly totally ignores me except for one time she said hi, and we see each other almost every day there.

 

What is really confusing is that I have know here for a while, we were friends well before we started dating, and she is not a person to be mean or play games at all, with anyone. I'm confused.

[Rogue]

Sorry Chris,but I don't think anything is going on.I think this is all in your head.I think ,like the rest of us in the same situation, you're having problems letting go of the relationship.I noticed how you kept track of almost every single incident ,including the date and time, of your contact with her.Would you have done this with one of your buddies? Would you have kept track of all that for a simple friend?

 

Face it,if one of your buddies forgot to say "hi" to you,you would not have made too big a deal about it.People forget to say "hi" for a number of reasons.They could be preoccupied,or stressed out. What bothers you is that you ex didn't say hi.That's what's hurting you,or at least your pride.

 

Forget about the incident,and about her.Be polite to her,but not too friendly.Even if both of you were good friends before,once you've had a relationship together you two are no longer "just friends". Just move on,and let her sort out her "hello"s .

[Dragonflys]

I agree with Rogue to the letter.

 

Oliver

My girlfriend said she wanted space, so we ended our relationship because I was looking for more out of it than she was. Months went by and we did not talk except for 2 or 3 emails and they were very light. We then bumped into each other and had a nice conversation and she seemed very happy to see me again. I made not too much of it but it felt good because of how positive she reacted to seeing me after so long without contact. A few weeks have gone by since, and we saw each other again at the store. We talked briefly, and I told her I was looking to join a place to workout and meet with a trainer. She was very friendly again and she strongly encouraged me to join the place she goes to (she knows a lot about that stuff, she is studying physical therapy/sports medicine in college) and she works there also part time at the desk. She explained to me who I should see and why it would be good, and even told me to ask for a certain person and to tell them I knew her and she'd make sure I got a discount rate. She even drew me a map of how to get to the place on the back of a peice of paper. I didn't jump at going there right away just because I don't want her to think I was so eager. I decided to go there however and it was a nice place and it was much cheaper than I thought because they did give me the "town resident" rate even though I don't live right in that town. Needless to say I did not want to bother her too much when she was working, so when I see her there I don't go right up to her and talk. The second or third day I was there I was getting a drink of water and she acknowledged I was there by saying "hey" to me. I responded with a simple hello. About 10 days have gone by, and when we are both there at the same time, even if she is working out and not working, she fails to say hello or even acknowledge that I'm there. A few times she walked right by me without looking at me and just today I was on a machine and she got on the machine next to me and did not say a word or even look at me for 20 minutes. So can someone tell me what the heck is going on? We don't see each other for a while after she says she needs space, but then when we do she is very friendly, laughs and jokes around, gives me a hug, and really really tries to convince me to take a look at the place to workout that she goes to. Then when I decide to do that, she absolutly totally ignores me except for one time she said hi, and we see each other almost every day there. What is really confusing is that I have know here for a while, we were friends well before we started dating, and she is not a person to be mean or play games at all, with anyone. I'm confused.

[Tony T]

1. She has already received her commission for your new membership so she doesn't have to be overly friendly because you have already joined.

 

2. She has noticed that you have been a bit standoffish and short on words yourself so she is not wanting to make you uncomfortable in your exercise setting.

 

3. She was being nice to you before while a guy she was trying to make jealous was working out. You have satisfied that need.

 

4. She doesn't want to give you the idea that she wants to get anything going again.

 

5. She is being very coy, trying to drive you crazy with curiosity, and has succeeded admirably.

 

6. She wanted to be very open and friendly initially for her own closure and to assure you there were no hard feelings about the past break up.

 

7. Her boss may have noticed her initial friendliness with you and may have said something to her about subsequent contact. Her boss may be watching her so she doesn't want to appear to be too friendly to any one member and may be overdoing it.

 

8. Her boyfriend, who works there that you don't know about, may be just around the corner.

 

But I think mostly it is that she has received her new member finder's fee. Perhaps two or more of my speculations are true. It really makes no difference. Not saying hello to you after her big initial come on is just plain RUDE and you don't need that. Frankly, if she is going to ignore you, I would write her butt off and concentrate on your training program.

 

At any rate, if you are interested in her, start saying hello first and be more aggressive. See what her response is. But it seems that she has really gotten from you what she needed and she is done. That's what it's like in the jungle sometimes, dude.