coolheadal Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 You should know the truth of what she's doing. But that's up to you. Trust is a two way street. Your older than your wife almost 10 years I see. She's younger than you. Has she ever said to you that you are too old for her? When you look into her eyes are those eye looking back at you or away from you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tech66 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 Suggestion: Proactively establish a timeline. 'Honey, I've made a MC appointment for Tuesday, September 6 at xxx and I hope you'll join me' That's a very good idea, thanks! Will give us a bit more time before I do, but it's a plan. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tech66 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 You should know the truth of what she's doing. But that's up to you. Trust is a two way street. Your older than your wife almost 10 years I see. She's younger than you. Has she ever said to you that you are too old for her? When you look into her eyes are those eye looking back at you or away from you? The age difference only came into play when I stopped wanting to go out and be social due to weight-related self-loathing. At that time, she did wonder if it was due to our age difference. I have been changing my lifestyle by eating smarter and exercising, and working on my history of emotional eating. So far so good, -35 lbs. I have not felt this good in a long time, and it's nice to see my ummm... functionality returning, if you know what I mean. About "the look of love"... that is a good point. When I looked into her eyes during the past couple of years I've always felt we were best friends but not husband and wife. During the past week we have slowly been reconnecting and she looks at me completely differently. The romance, intimacy, flirting is all coming back. I've have said to her that I feel we've misplaced but never lost our connection. We've had a great past several days (best in a long time in fact), so I am doing my best to fan the flames. When my wife has spoken with friends about us, she told them she wishes I were more social, outgoing, not staying at home so much, and to feel like we're part of a team. Her developing a separate social life was a result of my not wanting to get out of the house, and a main cause of our growing apart. When her friends cautioned her that "he is too old to change", my wife told them, "but that's the thing... the doesn't have to change. He just has to go back to the way he was when we got married". I found that very relieving, and telling. It's what her hope is based on, she tells me. As I lose weight, I am feeling many benefits. I fit better in clothes, want to be more social (and enjoy social situations), I feel healthier, more alert, my sex drive and performance have improved dramatically and I am calmer. As I remove the roadblocks I have let stand in the way of a happier and healthier life as an individual, this will also improve the quality of life I can enjoy with my wife. I have not been leading the type of life I have wanted to live for the past few years, opting to be lazy and living to eat. So why the change now? What's to sat I won't slide back into bad habits? There are many. I have been living with stage I cancer for 2 years and have not required treatment. I have let bad habits impede the quality of both my relationship and my life. Enough is enough, and my wife's desire to separate has been a huge wake-up call. I do not find I have been the man I am capable of being for myself and my wife. So, I am getting tools and strategies to help me stay on course. I am committed. I also realize that should we still separate, I need to be in a better place to move forward. Friends have commented that of all couples they know, they never expected my wife and I to separate. Many have said (and I have said this to my wife) that we are better together than apart. We are best friends, and now that we are reconnecting, I am hopeful she can cross the line from best friends to husband and wife. A friend told me that she'd heard a couple interviewed on the radio after being married 70 years. When asked about the secret of their marriage, the man said, "we just fell out of love at different times". I am still very much in love with my wife, and thinking positive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tech66 Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 Happy to share that things are going much better with my wife. She has started to wear her wedding ring again, suggested we keep the house and get new appliances (the plan before the separation, and they are badly needed). Although she sayd she is still "trying", she has more hope than doubt, as opposed to three weeks ago when it was the reverse. We've had a couple of great trips together and have crossed the line between best friends and roommates to husband and wife. We will be seeing a MC together to help us acquire better communication tools and to work through feelings, but I am very encouraged. If you are wondering what turned things around, it was a combination of my seeing a counselor (helped me realize what was the big picture for my wife, in terms of support), tough conversations, giving each other some space, lots of patience and Cialis (I am half-kidding). We feel closer than we have had in years. Great feeling! Not out of the woods yet, but we are in a much better place. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 When is the MC appointment? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tech66 Posted July 19, 2011 Author Share Posted July 19, 2011 Will be seeing my counselor in early August, making an appointment for us then. My wife would also like to see this person. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Request your counselor notify you if s/he has any cancellations. Timing is important. Sooner is better IMO. A lot can happen in a few weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
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