Mme. Chaucer Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 What most people here don't realize is that we are both more emotional than about 99% of the people out there. ES, you are entitled to function however you wish to in your life - but I take great exception to your presumption that you have ANY idea about the emotional depth and experience of ANY of the rest of the people in the world - and to quantify that. I don't really know you - but from many of your posts, I get the idea that you are functioning on a very immature and completely self centered emotional level, which is somehow a rewarding place for you to remain. I suppose if a child throwing a tantrum display to express displeasure, frustration, or to pressure other people into bending to its will is to be judged as "more emotional" than people who experience and express their profound feelings perhaps more internally, or who perhaps channel them into creative endeavors, or whatever - then you might be "more emotional than about 99% of the people out there." I doubt that most people are using those standards to judge "emotional," though. I am all for your happiness and ultimate success in a relationship. I don't want you or anyone to be in a destructive relationship. I am trying to get a picture of the actual reality of your bf without only seeing him through the filter of how he is making your ego feel from moment to moment. To get a feel for him as an individual, freestanding person. The following threw me for a total loop. I cannot reconcile this: It was mainly because he was rejecting women. He nitpicked at any woman that showed an interest in him and pointed out her flaws and didn't get involved. With this: He told me that others have only called him a wimp or just lost interest after they have seen him cry. So, you're telling us he is a person who has NEVER been in a "serious" relationship - does not get "involved" because of the flaws of the women (sounds aloof), while also telling us that he frequently has cried in front of the women that he was not involved with and was called a wimp and dumped for it. Those things DO NOT compute together. At all. Now I have no idea at all about the character and personality of this guy. Is he essentially an emotionally immature basket case? Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Why are you responding with so much aggression? Ah, so now you try to label me as aggressive; as if that makes your censorious tendencies justified! I would never tell anyone to f-off and am not impressed that you would tell me to do so. I was stating that I understand people are getting impatient with ES, but that change takes time. Perhaps if someone is getting frustrated at the amount of time it's taking ES to change, they should take a break from her threads. If you read that as a f-off, then so be it. And now a flat out lie! You were telling us off! Shape up or ship out. Preach as I do or f*ck off, in other words. Your passive aggressive ways are see-through. Meh. Link to post Share on other sites
utterer of lies Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Haha, this is funny. What most people here don't realize is that we are both more emotional than about 99% of the people out there. Sorry ES, but you are not more emotional than other people, you just have less or worse mechanisms in place to deal with your emotions. This creates a deep bond that is not going to break that easily. We are able to freely express this and cry together. Before this, I have never felt comfortable crying in front of a man. But if this bond is so deep, why are you constantly on the verge of breaking up? Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Those things DO NOT compute together. At all. Now I have no idea at all about the character and personality of this guy. Is he essentially an emotionally immature basket case? Water seeks out its own level. They are both at the same place. That's how they met. This is a great opportunity for them both to grow and learn, but it will take work. No amount of molly coddling her on the Internet or elsewhere will do that work for them. I'd advise individual and couples therapy, good self-help books, and anything else they can muster to their cause. Now is the time to get help. Now is the time to shape and grow. It will hurt and it may not go as swimmingly as hoped, but it will make their lives immeasurably better. I see two young at heart people. With the right support for both of them, and honest work on their parts, they can become something even more beautiful than what they have now. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Ah, so now you try to label me as aggressive; as if that makes your censorious tendencies justified! And now a flat out lie! You were telling us off! Shape up or ship out. Preach as I do or f*ck off, in other words. Your passive aggressive ways are see-through. Meh. I'm not playing. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 I'm not playing. Neither am I. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Sorry ES, but you are not more emotional than other people, you just have less or worse mechanisms in place to deal with your emotions. Exactly. Drama and dysfunction does not equal emotion. I'm as emotional as they come, but I have the maturity and respect for others to control my emotions, rather than letting them control me. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 (edited) Exactly. Drama and dysfunction does not equal emotion. I'm as emotional as they come, but I have the maturity and respect for others to control my emotions, rather than letting them control me. Me too. I think that equating making "scenes" with being actually more "emotional" than average is akin to equating flashing one's junk in public with being more sexual. It's very simply an issue of management of the urges. I have posted before that I was once a big drama mavin. I believe I could have gotten ANY man on Earth (as long as he couldn't see what was coming and run preemptively) to ultimately capitulate and play that game with me. I was a button pusher par excellence - and all in the name of "protecting" myself and wanting to hold all the emotional "cards." Just like our OP here expresses. Really, it was all about control. I regret all the damage I caused during that self centered time in my life. A therapist once expressed it like this: "Projectile vomiting emotions all over the room; some of them will certainly stick someplace." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjjDmX9Tkss&feature=related Edited June 28, 2011 by Mme. Chaucer Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 His little boy lost routine is same thing. I'm not saying either is being disingenuous; far from it. This is how they behave. This is what they know. I don't know how many times they will go through the great sex / honeymoon, boredom, stray, fight, great sex / honeymoon cycle, but that's what it is. The danger is that everything has to get more extreme to give it the same kick each cycle. And before you know it, you're bringing other men back to her place to f*ck her / jacking up via your haemorrhoids / punching one another in the face / killing or trying to kill yourself or the other when it ends, because "the bond is so strong" and you have "real love". I mean, it probably won't come to anything as spectacular or "real" as any of that. They'll probably stay within the law even. But the principle is the same. Without a lot of work, laying to rest a lot of old skeletons, and the courage to change, this is the cycle they will have chosen. Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 ES - do you yell or scream when you're angry with the guy you're with? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 ES - do you yell or scream when you're angry with the guy you're with? I am not the aggressive type to go over there or cause a scene or even to call him and yell at him. He knows this. As messed up as I come across, our arguments usually go without me even raising my voice. The worst I do is tear up a bit. It seems she doesn't.. Link to post Share on other sites
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