A year later and she's still thinking of me? WTF.

[PropertyChaser]

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen,

 

I have a predicament. After deciding not to be a part of my ex's life because I needed to move on, she has decided to burst into my life, again, in rather dramatic fashion.

 

We broke up because she was moving home, and at the time, neither of our situations were secure enough to give us enough faith in the situation that our relationship would survive the move. I do not regret this. Since then, our chit chats have been few and far between, though, 6 months after we broke up and she was 'seeing' someone, she called me in tears telling me how much she missed me, that she wished that I could move down to be with her, which culminated in us take off to Vegas for a week together and hang out. Other than the occasional phone call, or text from her saying that she's thinking of me, or that she wishes we could go back to Vegas, or that she bought a new car that I would love, or the thank you card she mailed me, I've cut her off because I didn't see this going anywhere. I effectively cut her out of my life 6 months ago. Most phone calls weren't picked up, texts not responded to, I just needed to think of myself for a while.

 

A few weeks ago, I was getting ready to pack and move to New York for the Summer. Ironically, I was flying out the same day she had moved a way a year earlier. I had decided, for whatever reason, to bury the hatchet. That's not to say that I wanted a relationship with her, but that I wanted us to be able to think about each other without regret, hate or sadness. Basically, I wanted to make a clean break, tell her that I was sorry about what has happened between us. Instead of being a simple phone call, I don't hear back from her, she doesn't respond to my text or my phone call. This all changed on Friday.

 

I texted her to see why she was making this so 'difficult', especially since she had been asking to talk to me for a while. She said that I always seem to catch her at a really bad time, and that things aren't going too easy for her right now. I tell her that's okay, but if she had simply told me that the situation wouldn't become so tense. What I didn't expect though was what came next.

 

Tears. Lots of them. It was overwhelming. Despite 'seeing' someone since last August, who apparently is her boyfriend now, she has had an incredibly hard time moving on from me. Apparently, she's written 9 emails to me, and they are sitting in her drafts folder, which was a startling admission. She was telling me how she still thinks about how much fun we had together, how romantic and amazing it was, and how special and attractive I am. As you can imagine, this was quite the shock, I was really taken aback. She burst into tears again, going on a rant about how it was all my fault, to which I said, I'm not sure if it matters at this point, but if you want to blame it on me, be my guest. To which she got even more upset, asking 'why did I have to be prepared to fall on my own sword, because she wanted me to be an ass, and to hate me so much, but being prepared to just suck it up and move on was 'so hot'. Furthermore, I'm the hottest guy she's ever dated, and those are her words, not mine.

 

Obviously, this was quite overwhelming, what does this mean? What does she want? She even brought up how she is having 'guy problems'. I tried not to think about it too much.

 

So far this week I've received an email from her telling me how much better she feels about things, that she's so happy I'm doing well here in New York and can't wait to hear more about it, and that it was so much being able to bicker with each other 'in a fun way'.

 

That was all fine and dandy, and then she called me last night saying 'I'm driving to the pool with the top down on the car, and the song 'I want to **** you' by Snoop Dogg came on, and it reminded me of you, and all the fun we had.' To which we went on to say, that she's become a little bit of a speed demon since she bought her new sports car, to which I respond 'I guess I was a really bad influence!' which she says 'Or a really good influence.'

 

My mind is literally upside down and inside out and I have no idea what to do.

[Ultrasonic]

She knew you were bailing and wants you think of her. If she really had those emails; I would've wanted to see them, because if they were in her draft folder they would be dated.

 

Furthermore; you made a very specific point; or rather she gave you a huge hint. She is currently having guy problems? Don't you find it odd that she would wait to talk to you until then?

 

From what it sounds like on your end, you've moved on and you're currently fine, right? Stay that way; I'm not saying ignore her and don't give her a chance, I'm saying you're not attached, you have no obligations.

 

The day she shows up outside your place in New York unannounced, crying and professing her love; is when you can fully trust whatever she's doing. Otherwise, stay on the road you've chosen, you seem to have done very well for yourself.

[Asystole]

My first thought is this: Did you tell her you were breaking it off and shutting her out and why? Lack of closure can make people insane. Your story isn't mine, but it has some similarities. (feel free to give me your perspective lol!) From the girl side of things, the silence has driven me insane because I simply didn't have a clear reason.

 

Sometimes the lack of closure alone can skew a person's view and make them want something that they might otherwise let go of. She clearly does want your attention. The question is, what do you want of her? Before things get out of hand, know what you want, because she's coming at you from every angle to regain a relationship with you.

 

Furthermore, being a girl I don't doubt those emails for a second. But you don't want to get tangled up with her current relationship regardless of if you decide to re-enter this relationship or not. I can't stress enough that you should weigh out what you want before she begins to affect your opinions with her own desires.

[PropertyChaser]

She knew you were bailing and wants you think of her. If she really had those emails; I would've wanted to see them, because if they were in her draft folder they would be dated.

 

Furthermore; you made a very specific point; or rather she gave you a huge hint. She is currently having guy problems? Don't you find it odd that she would wait to talk to you until then?

 

From what it sounds like on your end, you've moved on and you're currently fine, right? Stay that way; I'm not saying ignore her and don't give her a chance, I'm saying you're not attached, you have no obligations.

 

The day she shows up outside your place in New York unannounced, crying and professing her love; is when you can fully trust whatever she's doing. Otherwise, stay on the road you've chosen, you seem to have done very well for yourself.

 

I've been bailing for a long time. I bailed on her basically in January, this is nothing new to her. What is new, is how revealing and open she has been about things, such as her feelings. It was actually very uncharacteristic of her, even when we were dating.

 

Also, she was VERY specific as to the content of the emails, I trust that she wrote them, because they are very similar to the emails that I had drafted to write to her.

 

So far as her waiting until now to get a hold of me, no she's been TRYING in vain to get a hold of me for 6 months. Whether it was calling or texting, she has been trying, I just didn't want to talk to her.

 

Though, the last part is true, the day she shows up on my doorstep is the day I'll take her friendship seriously, and I don't want to give her any impression other than that.

[PropertyChaser]

My first thought is this: Did you tell her you were breaking it off and shutting her out and why? Lack of closure can make people insane. Your story isn't mine, but it has some similarities. (feel free to give me your perspective lol!) From the girl side of things, the silence has driven me insane because I simply didn't have a clear reason.

 

Sometimes the lack of closure alone can skew a person's view and make them want something that they might otherwise let go of. She clearly does want your attention. The question is, what do you want of her? Before things get out of hand, know what you want, because she's coming at you from every angle to regain a relationship with you.

 

Furthermore, being a girl I don't doubt those emails for a second. But you don't want to get tangled up with her current relationship regardless of if you decide to re-enter this relationship or not. I can't stress enough that you should weigh out what you want before she begins to affect your opinions with her own desires.

 

I thought I would take a little bit of time to think about this one. The reasons were pretty complicated and can't be narrowed down to one.

 

I've already concluded what I want out of her, which is basically to get back together with her. Anything short of that is a waste of time. Right now I'm on a path that will take me further and further away from her to the point where putting effort into a friendship is a worthless endeavor.

 

The only problem is, where should I go now? She's seeing someone, obvously, the status of her relationship is in doubt. Even when it had started, she was comparing him to me, and said he wasn't as cool, or attractive, and in my eyes that causes a systemic problem. How can you love someone, when you're still comparing them to your ex?

 

When she was on the phone, she said one really interesting thing, out of no where she says 'You still love me.' I didn't say anything other than 'You doo too' to which she responded 'You're delusional' me: 'I don't hear you saying no.'

 

The chick still digs me for sure.

Edited June 25, 2011 by PropertyChaser

[Asystole]

I don't think her feelings are in doubt, however humorously indirect your conversations may be.

 

But she is in a love triangle with you and her current SO. That alone is a messy thing. You'll have to make her choose. Stay away from anything troublesome until she's really ready to let go of guy #1.

 

For her sake if you care that much about her, and for yours.

[leoc1973]

At first from what I was getting out of what you wrote is that it seemed like she was trying to get you back and it seemed like you were leading her on... I am a little confused. Is it you that wants her back?

[PropertyChaser]

At first from what I was getting out of what you wrote is that it seemed like she was trying to get you back and it seemed like you were leading her on... I am a little confused. Is it you that wants her back?

 

I did not get that impression from her especially since I explicitly asked her if she still liked me, which was met with a non-answer.

[PropertyChaser]

I don't think her feelings are in doubt, however humorously indirect your conversations may be.

 

But she is in a love triangle with you and her current SO. That alone is a messy thing. You'll have to make her choose. Stay away from anything troublesome until she's really ready to let go of guy #1.

 

For her sake if you care that much about her, and for yours.

 

Yeah I think I will do that. I sent her a text yesterday that she didn't respond to, again, I think I need to back off for a bit and let her think this over, without coming off as a petulant child and putting her off of me.

[flitzanu]

you "trust she wrote them because it sounds like what you'd say"?

 

is that even logical?

 

ask her for the emails. i dont know her, but i dont buy it.

[PropertyChaser]

you "trust she wrote them because it sounds like what you'd say"?

 

is that even logical?

 

ask her for the emails. i dont know her, but i dont buy it.

 

She isn't someone who would say it for the sake of saying it, getting stuff out of her is like getting water out of a rock.

 

I don't need to ask her for the emails, like she'd give them to me anyways.

[flitzanu]

She isn't someone who would say it for the sake of saying it, getting stuff out of her is like getting water out of a rock.

 

I don't need to ask her for the emails, like she'd give them to me anyways.

 

the tone of all your replies sound like you're waiting for one of us to say "YEAH DUDE YOURE TOTALLY RIGHT!!!"

 

but no one is.

 

you know, my ex was loving and caring too, and she'd never in a million years act the way she has, i'm thinking she must be hypnotized or something because i know her better. or perhaps all the semen she is filled with is poisoning her mind, or she is demon possessed.

 

you need to quit placing your beliefs or values on her actions and thoughts right now, it is seriously going to get you nowhere. believe it or deny it, she isn't the same person anymore.

 

or wait, MAYBE SHE IS JUST A G.D. LIAR AND WANTS TO STRING YOU ALONG.

Edited June 28, 2011 by flitzanu
addendum