whichwayisup Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Why don't I end the A? Mainly because I know how much it will hurt & having to face up to NC again will take so much strength & I just don't know where that strength is going to come from. I hate myself so much right now & I am so afraid. Ending it gives you FINALITY. A BIG pain all at once to work through and deal with. Don't be afraid of it, embrace it. Which is better, to be continually hurt and feel like crap, day after day, week after week, month after month? Or one final blow to end the suffering. Once you hit the bottom, there's nowhere to go but UP! You were FINE without him in your life before you met him, right? You'll be FINE again..It'll just take some time to grieve and work through the process. You won't die. Hating yourself is pointless. Complaining is pointless. If you want change, DO the changes you need to do so you can feel happier. Your future goal..Set one or two. Like in a month from now you WILL be in NC mode with him, let go of ANY hope that you two will be officially together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Crazy chick1 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 Why do you hate yourself? Do you consider being in an affair morally wrong? Is that why? Are you going against your own morals by being in the affair? You have no power over whether or not your married man stays married. What you have power over is whether or not to be in a relationship/affair with him. What do YOU want? Do you want him even if he stays married? Then stay. Don't you want him if he stays married? Then leave. He's married today. You're hurting yourself by not accepting that reality. If you can't accept that he's married, step back. Tell him he can look you up when he's single. If you're okay with him being married, then relax. Let him stress himself up about it. You don't have to go there with him. I hate seeing what this A has done to him. He was such a strong person & now he just seems broken & stressed. I know by pushing him I am making things even worse for him. The advice to set small goals is really helpful & will definitely make it easier for me to cope with breaking things off with him. It just drives me mad because he tells me that he doesn't want to lead me on, but at the same time he sends so many signals that indicate he is close to making a decision to take his life in a different direction. I will definitely go NC soon, I just need to decide when. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Why do you hate yourself? Do you consider being in an affair morally wrong? Is that why? Are you going against your own morals by being in the affair? You have no power over whether or not your married man stays married. What you have power over is whether or not to be in a relationship/affair with him. What do YOU want? Do you want him even if he stays married? Then stay. Don't you want him if he stays married? Then leave. He's married today. You're hurting yourself by not accepting that reality. If you can't accept that he's married, step back. Tell him he can look you up when he's single. If you're okay with him being married, then relax. Let him stress himself up about it. You don't have to go there with him. Why are you ignoring his aggressive behavior. Its not "anti affair" to say that a woman shouldnt stay with ANY man who is physically aggressive towards her. This is not about his marital status. Its about the fact that he is physically aggressive towards her IMHO. Link to post Share on other sites
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