kittycat95 Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 It's been a couple days since we spoke on the phone and I *Think* he said, " I want to be with you, I can take anything that you dish out." He didn't get in touch with me after that phone conversation. He sent a cutesy little message to me today that I didn't reply to, but that's it. So I texted him saying I was kind of confused by these mixed signals and what were we doing. He acted confused. I said you really don't know what I'm talking about. When he didn't reply I said well if you don't know then just leave me alone. He replied, "Gladly" I said don't be like that, then called him. He texted me, you gave me a headache, I don't want to talk to you. I then texted about 10 more times after that, over the past 3-4 hours I also called him twice. I haven't gotten any responses out of him...my texts were sort of emotional and a little all over the place, sometimes I said I loved him and I'm going through a lot, sometimes I reacted angrily. In my last message I just said that I would stop contacting him because I get the picture. Now I'm crying and sitting in sadness over everything....all over again... He didn't even reply to a single message, or say anything at all to me. Link to post Share on other sites
thelovingkind Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 He's playing games: when someone wants to be with you, they are with you, not saying how much they wish they could be with you or want to be with you. They're just with you and everything else is discussed and resolved within the relationship. It will be hard but go NC now or there will be a lot more of this hurt and sadness to come! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kittycat95 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Share Posted June 26, 2011 I didn't want to believe that he was just playing games with me but it makes sense... he was sort of "chasing" me, right? And he just gave up after a while. And knew I would chase him just because he knows which buttons to push... I feel so embarassed, ashamed, and just sad... Link to post Share on other sites
thelovingkind Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 *hugs* We've all been there at some point. And a lot of us have done far, far, far more embarrassing things, for months on end. Don't worry about what just happened, focus on the now and the future. The sooner no contact begins and you let the grieving begin in earnest, the sooner you're going to see the break of a new dawn Link to post Share on other sites
Author kittycat95 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Share Posted June 26, 2011 He replied to my texts around 2 am, and was really angry, etc. I replied with more angry texts. He kept saying to leave him alone and he called me names, saying I was bad, etc. This morning around 9 I felt bad and tried to text him again and to try to talk about things. I didn't say angry things. He said to leave him alone, etc, that I made him feel really bad and he wouldn't waste another breath on me. Then he blocked my cell phone number No chance for me to send calls or text messages. I then emailed 3 angry things to him....but then I emailed I was sorry. I then sent a longer apology email saying no one should say things when they're angry but I've just been really,really heartbroken. I feel so sick and terrible. I literally couldn't get out of bed. Link to post Share on other sites
usabup Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 Your in panic mode...just go NC now and you will start to feel better again. Remember two things. 1. Anything you do to contact him now will just make things worse. 2. It wasn't your desperation that pushed him away, the fact that he was already gone caused the desperaion. He blocked your cell because he needs to be left alone now. Respect that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kittycat95 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Share Posted June 26, 2011 You're right. It's just tough because although I know it's over part of me is still waiting..for something. And when nothing happens it pushes me even more into depression. I'm trying to just distract myself and not think of it but it's so tough. I emailed him saying I was sorry for the things I said in anger, that I've been really heartbroken, and I didn't think neither of us ever expected it to get this bad. I said maybe this is for the best, because we fell into this old destructive habit of him ignoring me and me getting angry again. And that although I accepted that it was still hard that it was ending this way. I don't know if he'll read my messages or just delete them but maybe he'll get the idea that I'm really sorry I said so much stuff when I was angry and that I've just been really, really heartbroken. At the same time it doesn't matter because now I have to try to move on and not really worry about him too much. I'm going to try to keep up NC now for a while and mentally tell myself you never know what the future will hold, and to just let it go for now. It's almost July now and the last time we went out was a month ago. Three-four weeks since the break up. I know that seems like nothing compared to a lot of people but we were together 5 years. Even when we had big fights and "broke up" we never just stopped talking like this. Ever since he moved back home he's juts ignored me and I thought everything would be better. We were long distance for so long and now he's just 30 minutes away but we are more distant than ever. It's tough to see something you'd visualized in a really positive way just go to hell.... Link to post Share on other sites
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