Wife wants a divorce

[Dago]

I am new here so bear with me.

 

Me and my wife have been together 16 yrs. Married for 14. We have 2 kids ages 14 and 11. I am 35 and she is turning 36 so we got together pretty young. We have always been tight and we were each others best friends.

 

A year ago she came to me one night and wanted to talk because I told her I could feel something different between us. She told me that she was no longer in love with me and wanted to move out. Well my world I thought as I knew it was over. I didn't handle the situation well at all and I cried so hard and she cried to. Well I lost it during the weeks leading up to her leaving and tried to pressure her into staying and guilted her using the kids. She finally ended up agreeing to stay and try to work it out after about a month. Stupid me I thought things were going well because she would say she loved me and was very sexual with me. So I got comfortable again with the marriage when I should have gotten us into counseling and kept us back in church. I did feel from time to time something is wrong and I would ask her if everything was ok and she would get aggravated by me pressing her so I would let it go. Now during this time I was like super dad and super husband because I almost lost her once and I wanted to prove to her that I loved her very much and that I was a good husband. We did talk about the reasons of why she had wanted to leave and mostly were all my issues is why. I will list the main ones below:

1. I took her for granted and didnt appreciate her like I should.

2. I used to play flurt with her friends in front of her and it made her feel insecure and like she had to compete.

3. I would withdrawal myself for hours playing Xbox or whatever and not spend time with her.

4. She thinks that I slept with someone else.

5. She said she always did what I wanted to do and would get mad if she didnt.

6. She said I made her feel so insecure about herself.

 

I have owned up to all of these minus the cheating because I would never cheat on my wife. I have tried to express to her how absolutely terrible I felt that I did all of these things and I didn't see it. I have been trying so hard this past year to make it up to her because I love her so much! I am a good man I work hard everyday to provide for my family, I am very active with my kids, I don't drink or do drugs, I have never hit her, and I never cheated on her.

 

Well a month before our second separation she seemed to fall into this deep depression. I initially thought that it was due to the hysterectomy she had 6 months ago. She stopped cleaning, cooking, paying the bills, our sex life went way down, she stopped saying I love unless I said it first but even then it felt cold. I would ask her what was wrong and she would say I don't know I can't explain it? I would ask if it was me did I do something? She would say no.

 

Then one day she says we need to talk, I think uh oh. She tells me that what she has been feeling does have to do with me. She said she is no longer happy and not in love with me anymore, we grew apart and she doesn't think she can get it back? Well of course I am crushed, I beg and plead with her please don't do this. I love her so much I would do anything for her but she says there isn't anything I can do. Well I suspect there is someone else so I hack her Facebook account to see. No men but there is a friend of hers she messages telling her that once my husband buys this house from her dad she is moving out and filing for divorce. Her friend asked if I knew about it and she said no because if he found out he will back out on the loan. Well after reading that it felt like a butcher knife was rammed into my heart and back. I confronted her about it and she admitted it, so I again proceeded with the crying and begging but this time she is just cold and emotionless. She ends up staying a few days and during that time she sleeps on the couch while I stayed in our bedroom. So the last night before she to go to her sister's house I asked her if we could have sex. She said yes and it was very passionate and just awesome on both our ends, unlike it has been in a long time. Afterwards we are sitting there and I ask herbif this is what she really wants? She thinks about it for a sec and says yes it's probably best for both of us? She did switch from saying divorce to just a separation.

 

Well she is moved out now and I made all of the wrong moves during this time. I would call her and send her gifts and flowers. I wrote her a very long letter telling her I felt about her and our family. I have tried to take her to counseling with me because I have been going by myself but she doesn't want to. I tried to take her out on a date but doesn't want to go. I didn't give her the space she was asking for and she now tells me she wants to go ahead Nd divorce. She said she is happy for a change and she is finding herself. She told me I need to move on and forget about her and to just let her go. She said that one day I will meet someone and all of the hurt will go away and it will be someone I am more compatible with. She is focussing on herself and the kids and doesn't want to be with anyone right now. I'm crushed, absolutely crushed and I have never been so hurt in my life.

 

I just found out about a week ago she has been talking and texting back and forth with some guy she went to school with. They reconnected on Facebook and he is going thru a divorce himself. I confronted her about it and it took me 4- 5 times hammering her and she finally admitted it. She said it's nothing he just needed a woman's view and that also she needed a mans view who was going thru the same thing. I was so pissed off that I said you know what I am done with this. I have been crying and pleading and doing everything to save our marriage and your talking to some other dude. I said don't call me anymore unless it has to do with the kids and that dude your talking to can have you and hung up.

 

Here's the thing, I love her more today than we first met. I am so depressed and hurting so bad I can hardly function. She is happy and partying it up while I sit and cry all of the time. I want her back so bad but I hAve no idea how to do it?? I have tried everything and it has only made it worse, I don't know what to do? I feel like if there was evev a glimmer of hope I screwed it up? But I keep hearing what she is saying about me behind my back to my friends the whole time since she left and maybe there wasn't?

 

What do I do now guys? I can't live without her she is the love of my life? Please give me some advice on what to do to win her back?

[Dago]

Oh by the way I forgot to mention I found out 2 days ago she trying to sell her engagement ring. Sure sure sign to me that it is over, but there has got to be something I can do to save our marriage?

[Steen719]

Where are the kids?

 

It sounds to me like she has already moved on and as hard as it is, you should also. There is nothing you can do to make this situation any different as she has made up her mind.

 

Keep going to counseling, spend lots of time with your children and one day you are going to feel better, really.

[Dago]

We split time with the kids equally.

 

I know she has made her mind up and has moved on, but I can't. Believe me I am trying. I joined a gym, I go out and have talked to a few girls, I get together with family and friends, but I can not let her go. I love her so much and want nothing more in this world than to be a family again. I just don't get it? It was only like 3 months ago we were house hunting and were so happy and she was all over me like old times. Then like a switch was flipped over night she has moved on and longer wants to be married? Wth?

 

I have one card left to play and I hope it atleast tugs at her heart and gets her thinking. May not be over night but maybe a little down the road she will think of it and it may touch her and she will see how much I care and that I am a good husband and friend?

She has this doll that her grandmother gave her when she was a kid. The doll was a gift that her grandpa gave her grandma when they first started dating. This little Indian doll means the world to my wife and she wants to give it to my daughter when she grows up. Anyhow my wife's exboyfriend before we hooked up took the doll and broke it during a fight they were having. Well it devastated her and she has talked about sending it somewhere that specializes in those type of antique dolls to have it repaired since we first started dating. It's been sitting in a lock box for 16 yrs. Well I found such a place that was out of state and Saturday morning I got up early and drove down there and dropped it off to get fixed. It's going to take about a week to fix and a little bit of money but I know it would mean so much to her. I was planning on picking up next weekend and taking it to her and not get all mushy with it or anything. But I wanted to let her know that I love her and I would please like another chance at this relationship.

 

What do you think? Worth a shot or should I just give her the doll and not say anything about us but just that I love her and was thinking of her?

Any ladies who read this please tell me do you think it would touch her?