My story... and I fell off the wagon

[Tenacity]

I have been a member here for a few days and have posted replies to some. It's amazing how much more clarity there is when looking at someone else's situation without all the emotional fog that exists when I try to look at my own.

 

Until last night I was two months into NC with a MM I had been involved with for almost 4 years.

 

I have been trying to gather up all my anger for him so that I can stay strong, but the truth is that he made the right decision. He ended things with me and is focusing on his family. It's just that he did it by pulling the band-aid off over a period of several years. And he never did it totally -- that part he left to me.

 

I won't go into the long, sordid story in detail, but will give you the outline version. I know you have heard similar stories so many times before. We live in different states, so did not see each other except every few weeks (which is really good for allowing that love fog to stay intact). But we were heavily involved, spoke on the phone and online for hours each day.

 

At the beginning, for the first year, he wanted to marry me. He promised that he would be getting a divorce, and even made plans to move here. I believed him, despite knowing the statistics, because after all, we were "different than all the rest". He was not the same kind of man, like the other MM out there, or so I thought.

 

So, D-day happened when he told his wife that he was in love with me. Then, when she predictably broke down emotionally, he felt terrible for hurting her, and lashed out at me, but eventually things calmed down.

 

The next 2 years or so was the "yo-yo" phase as I call it, where we were still in a 'relationship' (ha!) but he was no longer divorcing his wife and readily admitted that. (And yes, I was stupid enough to still put myself through this, as I was emotionally committed by then).

 

Fast-forward to the past year... when he went to 'friends only'. But we were still carrying out an EA because we were still talking on the phone, etc even if it wasn't sexual. Then suddenly about four months ago he ended that as well (the EA). Literally overnight, and with no explanation (I still don't know why). But, get this... he still wanted to be "friends" in that we would continue to interact daily online. He did not want to "lose the friendship".

 

Each and every time he did this he shattered my heart, but I picked up the pieces and continued to go on with him in whatever fashion he would have me. Talk about zero self esteem (me).

 

I tried to do the "friends" online thing for awhile, then went to NC because it was too painful. He didn't understand why I would end the "friendship" and actually threw it back at me, saying this was my fault because I couldn't understand what he needs. He was angry that I went NC when it was not what HE wanted or needed. He even said "Why can't you do what I need?"

 

I was doing well for 2 months, then I blew it last night. I received a message from a mutual friend and used it as an excuse to contact him. I just caved. I am so ashamed of myself. And I ended up in the same exact pathetic place, asking more from him than he wanted to give me, and again getting a rude refusal.

 

I can tell he relishes the role of having me grovel at his feet.

 

I am desperately trying to move on with my life and get my self esteem back. I fell off the wagon last night and I now all of the progress I have made during the last 2 months is completely gone... I feel just exactly like I did that first day of NC. Like I will never, ever get over this addiction.

 

It does not help that I recently relocated and I do not know ANYONE here. I have no friends or extended family here. At his request, I did not build a life for myself here after moving because I was with him, and he was jealous that I might meet other men (this when I was single and he was married!)

 

So now I have nothing and no one, other than my two wonderful children. My marriage was destroyed over this A too, by the way. Even though it was not a good marriage to begin with.

 

I feel horrible anger at this man for what he did to me. Destroying my self-esteem, making promises that he never intended to keep, and treating me like crap. My life was left in shambles while he is now living the exact same life that he had before. I am ANGRY!!! Yet, I know I did this to myself. I know that I hurt many people and for that I will never forgive myself.

 

Please do not beat me up too much, as I do know what I have done wrong. I know I made my bed, and now I am exactly where I deserve to be. I am just looking for someone who understands the incredible pain, and for some support in getting through this and seeing a light at the end of this tunnel of hell. I don't know how to start NC all over again.

[whichwayisup]

Would you allow a single guy to treat you like this? Would you put up with such bad treatment and be strung along for four years? If your answer is no, then why on earth would you stay and choose to be on this rollercoaster ride? Take control back and end it.

 

The ball really is in your court. Either you stop the game and end it, walk away so you can begin your grieving and healing process or you stay and continue to be sh.it on by a MM who knows how to play you (selfishly) knows the right thing to say to you to keep you in his life.

 

If you can't do this on your own, seek counselling to help you get stronger.

[crazycatlady]

Have you considered counseling?

 

I hope some of the BTDT fOW can give you the advice you need to help you remain in NC.

 

The guy is a cad and you are making him feel just great with being unable to resist him. Stop making him feel good at the expense of you feeling bad. That doesn't make for a healthy relationship. Its time to get out, meet people, make friends where you live now. Maybe unplug the computer, get a new cell phone with a new number for your children, and just live in the now for a while.

 

Best of luck to you on this.

[Karmababe]

We are here for you, we're all human. Get back on the wagon and get away from the toxic people who prevent you from making progress towards a healthier life. Similar here .. two years of stringing along ... I'm finally in a position where I just said enough. This has been a process of understanding my own self worth, my own strength and getting the grip of the man off me.

 

I was also in a bad marriage, he swept in and an EA began ... I got a divorce, he is still with her. I saw him in April ... he is long distance, same old, same old. We are not a good fit, and I saw that when I saw him .. the anger afterwards has been tough. But NC for two months. Every time I'm happy he seems to reappear, like a bad dream ... jealous of other men I'm seeing etc

[Karmababe]

PS ... no contact means kicking him off your facebook account .. get rid of him, and start healing.

[Tenacity]

Would you allow a single guy to treat you like this? Would you put up with such bad treatment and be strung along for four years? If your answer is no, then why on earth would you stay and choose to be on this rollercoaster ride? Take control back and end it.

 

The ball really is in your court. Either you stop the game and end it, walk away so you can begin your grieving and healing process or you stay and continue to be sh.it on by a MM who knows how to play you (selfishly) knows the right thing to say to you to keep you in his life.

 

If you can't do this on your own, seek counselling to help you get stronger.

 

Thanks for your words WWIU. As to why I stayed, it was because I was completely isolated from anyone and everyone else but him, and every time I thought that I might lose him I went into a panic... because then I would have no one.

 

It does help to know that the ball is in my court now. I just need to stay strong enough not to fall back into this trap again.

[Tenacity]

Have you considered counseling?

 

I hope some of the BTDT fOW can give you the advice you need to help you remain in NC.

 

The guy is a cad and you are making him feel just great with being unable to resist him. Stop making him feel good at the expense of you feeling bad. That doesn't make for a healthy relationship. Its time to get out, meet people, make friends where you live now. Maybe unplug the computer, get a new cell phone with a new number for your children, and just live in the now for a while.

 

Best of luck to you on this.

 

Thank you CCL. I hate making him feel good at the expense of my self-esteem.

 

I don't know why I lost myself in all of this. I am an independent, attractive, professional woman who in all other aspects of life has been known for being strong.

[Karmababe]

You go out, meet people, get connected to your new community .. it's hard, but I've done it and have been in your shoes. You've lived through a divorce already ... the societal shame of that is enough to take. You made a mistake, just don't continue it. Hugs.

[Tenacity]

We are here for you, we're all human. Get back on the wagon and get away from the toxic people who prevent you from making progress towards a healthier life. Similar here .. two years of stringing along ... I'm finally in a position where I just said enough. This has been a process of understanding my own self worth, my own strength and getting the grip of the man off me.

 

I was also in a bad marriage, he swept in and an EA began ... I got a divorce, he is still with her. I saw him in April ... he is long distance, same old, same old. We are not a good fit, and I saw that when I saw him .. the anger afterwards has been tough. But NC for two months. Every time I'm happy he seems to reappear, like a bad dream ... jealous of other men I'm seeing etc

 

Thanks Karmababe. I'm sorry you have been going through this hell also. I appreciate the support, more than you know.

 

Congratulations on NC for 2 months... I wish I could re-do last night.

[Karmababe]

Pretend it never happened Just keep moving on ...

[MissBee]

I could have written your post myself with regards to when I was the OW and with my last boyfriend smh.

 

 

The next 2 years or so was the "yo-yo" phase as I call it, where we were still in a 'relationship' (ha!) but he was no longer divorcing his wife and readily admitted that. (And yes, I was stupid enough to still put myself through this, as I was emotionally committed by then).

Fast-forward to the past year... when he went to 'friends only'. But we were still carrying out an EA because we were still talking on the phone, etc even if it wasn't sexual. Then suddenly about four months ago he ended that as well (the EA). Literally overnight, and with no explanation (I still don't know why). But, get this... he still wanted to be "friends" in that we would continue to interact daily online. He did not want to "lose the friendship".

 

 

When I was the OW, I too stuck around with him knowing full well we wouldn't be together in a normal relationship, because I was already emotionally attached. It got to a point where I realized it was ridiculous and that at some point we would have to reach a crossroads and make some decision. I initiated the whole being friends thing and of course, it was nothing but an emotional affair and NO different than before. However, after a few months, he initiated NC and disappeared off the face of the earth for months at a time, then would reach out and email me saying he was sorry and he was going through a lot and he wants the chance to make it up to me and reaffirm his love for me....needless to say he never came through then it was unexpected NC for a year! (Which turned out to be the BEST thing, as it had to be cut off and that year helped me to get him out of my system. I don't think he was being completely selfless by cutting me off, as he tried to make it seem, after that year of NC when he came back and explained things. He said he knew the situation couldn't provide me with what I want or what he wanted and the more we spoke the more his feelings grew so he knew he couldn't break up w/ me amicably and still be friends so he thought it best to disappear. I do think some type of d-day occurred that helped his decision BUT whatever the case, it turned out well for me so that I could indeed move on without constant contact and falling into the same, dead end pattern. )

 

Each and every time he did this he shattered my heart, but I picked up the pieces and continued to go on with him in whatever fashion he would have me. Talk about zero self esteem (me).

 

I tried to do the "friends" online thing for awhile, then went to NC because it was too painful. He didn't understand why I would end the "friendship" and actually threw it back at me, saying this was my fault because I couldn't understand what he needs. He was angry that I went NC when it was not what HE wanted or needed. He even said "Why can't you do what I need?"

I was doing well for 2 months, then I blew it last night. I received a message from a mutual friend and used it as an excuse to contact him. I just caved. I am so ashamed of myself. And I ended up in the same exact pathetic place, asking more from him than he wanted to give me, and again getting a rude refusal.

 

I can tell he relishes the role of having me grovel at his feet .

 

 

 

I could throw up as I read this, a page out of my experience with my ex of 2 years ago, whom it took me 1 yr and 9 months to get over (i.e. realize it was not about him and recover my own sense of self). He too was very self absorbed and strung me along during the "break" saying we should be friends right now and then work on our relationship later. During this "friendship" I decided I would position myself as his friend and unconditional supporter and he would eventually see how great I was and that his life was better with me in it. FAIL! He took it for a run, asking for 3somes and all kinds of OUTLANDISH things which I either gave into to keep him around or considered . That was NOT a real friendship. I remember once he promised to take me out to dinner and for us to spend the weekend together, and then when I called to confirm the plans he didn't answer the phone! I texted...nothing! I started freaking out (I think inside me was always that anxiety that he would be disappointing). My bestfriend decided to show me that I was overreacting, and when she called him (he didn't know her number) he answered! That night he ended up calling with some lame excuse and then told me he didn't feel like hanging out and I begged...yes begged him to....my mother overheard and told me to stop. OMG it was so embarrassing and ridiculous

 

He relished in that groveling as well. I never stooped to such a low again however I continued on for quite a while accepting whatever crumbs he gave and at this point this person realizes you will do ANYTHING so they have little to no respect for you and have ZERO need to treat you with respect or do anything you want. Then I found NC a couple weeks later and established it! I wasn't perfect...fell off the wagon a few times, through direct or indirect contact or "replying to him" saying "well I didn't initiate" but I'm here today, OVER the addiction and won't ever be addicted to a man like that again or put myself in compromising and degrading situations for a man's attention and love.

 

I could go on and on and on about how I handed my power over to the ex but more importantly, I took my power back and have been rebuilding my life and sense of self and learning about myself and healthy relationship habits that I think MOST of us don't learn and kind of stumble along life doing whatever and hoping for the best.

 

I don't know if I recommended the site baggage reclaim to you...but if not, google it! You will find tons of articles from a woman who has been there and done it and comments from many women who have found themselves in some crazy scenarios...you can probably start with looking at the series of articles on NC on the site.

 

Anyway, you seem like a wonderful, brilliant and strong woman who will definitely in a few months much less a year be on the mend and doing better. Everyone falls off the wagon...you just get back on it and learn from it. No biggie. No need to beat yourself up.

 

Go out and have fun with your kids and see that there is more to life than ONE less than stellar man. You're in a new city, join a church if that's your thing, join some social group at the gym or at a community center or look online for special interest groups and volunteering that you can do where you can do something fun and fulfilling and meet new people. You'll be just find Tenacity, and although it doesn't seem like it now (believeee me, I know), you will kick this addiction and you're on the right track completely!

[Karmababe]

If he contacts you don't respond ... I'm still angry too, at myself for getting sucked into it again. I told him on the final conversation, he wouldn't suck me in again ... and I will be true to myself on that. Not interested in men who play women to get their ego stroked .. if the marriage is that bad, he will exit.

He has not ... like mine. I divorced my husband before I ever pursued this further. I have gone over that again and again .. but I'm at the point where I know the marriage wasn't fulfilling my needs. The interference from another man who ends up betraying you, is not good.

[Karmababe]

Bee, I could throw up too ... I'm with ya.

[Tenacity]

Thank you so much for your post, MissBee. I am sorry for what you have gone through. But, I get strength from knowing that you got over this. Right now it doesn't feel as if I ever will.

 

Thank you also for the comments about how you think I am an intelligent and strong woman. I do believe that I am. It helps to hear that.

 

I will definitely google the site baggage reclaim ... I recall reading that in one of your other posts.

[crazycatlady]

Thank you CCL. I hate making him feel good at the expense of my self-esteem.

 

I don't know why I lost myself in all of this. I am an independent, attractive, professional woman who in all other aspects of life has been known for being strong.

 

Its an addiction. And like all addictions, its hard to quit, even two months out. Something about him fullfilled something in you. And like most addictions, it isn't something healthy.

 

Plus I'm betting that boredom, loneliness, and solitude is part of what caused your weakness on top of your friend hearing from him.

[TurningTables]

**HUGS***

 

Im sorry your are hurting..No judgements here...

Everyone is human. We all make mistakes. You need to keep telling yourself you are SOOO much better than this! You need to keep telling yourself that you are WORTH someone to treat you with all the respect and love that one can possiably imagine. Someone that will be all yours, dedicated to you and your children alone. Focus on your children, your job, and maybe getting involved with a gym or some sort of community event. Post here when you feel you want to contact him.

 

Everyone here is amazing....:bunny::bunny: and understands what you are going through. My best wishes to you.

[fooled once]

I have been a member here for a few days and have posted replies to some. It's amazing how much more clarity there is when looking at someone else's situation without all the emotional fog that exists when I try to look at my own.

 

Until last night I was two months into NC with a MM I had been involved with for almost 4 years.

 

I have been trying to gather up all my anger for him so that I can stay strong, but the truth is that he made the right decision. He ended things with me and is focusing on his family. It's just that he did it by pulling the band-aid off over a period of several years. And he never did it totally -- that part he left to me.

 

I won't go into the long, sordid story in detail, but will give you the outline version. I know you have heard similar stories so many times before. We live in different states, so did not see each other except every few weeks (which is really good for allowing that love fog to stay intact). But we were heavily involved, spoke on the phone and online for hours each day.

 

At the beginning, for the first year, he wanted to marry me. He promised that he would be getting a divorce, and even made plans to move here. I believed him, despite knowing the statistics, because after all, we were "different than all the rest". He was not the same kind of man, like the other MM out there, or so I thought.

 

So, D-day happened when he told his wife that he was in love with me. Then, when she predictably broke down emotionally, he felt terrible for hurting her, and lashed out at me, but eventually things calmed down.

 

The next 2 years or so was the "yo-yo" phase as I call it, where we were still in a 'relationship' (ha!) but he was no longer divorcing his wife and readily admitted that. (And yes, I was stupid enough to still put myself through this, as I was emotionally committed by then).

 

Fast-forward to the past year... when he went to 'friends only'. But we were still carrying out an EA because we were still talking on the phone, etc even if it wasn't sexual. Then suddenly about four months ago he ended that as well (the EA). Literally overnight, and with no explanation (I still don't know why). But, get this... he still wanted to be "friends" in that we would continue to interact daily online. He did not want to "lose the friendship".

 

Each and every time he did this he shattered my heart, but I picked up the pieces and continued to go on with him in whatever fashion he would have me. Talk about zero self esteem (me).

 

I tried to do the "friends" online thing for awhile, then went to NC because it was too painful. He didn't understand why I would end the "friendship" and actually threw it back at me, saying this was my fault because I couldn't understand what he needs. He was angry that I went NC when it was not what HE wanted or needed. He even said "Why can't you do what I need?"

 

I was doing well for 2 months, then I blew it last night. I received a message from a mutual friend and used it as an excuse to contact him. I just caved. I am so ashamed of myself. And I ended up in the same exact pathetic place, asking more from him than he wanted to give me, and again getting a rude refusal.

 

I can tell he relishes the role of having me grovel at his feet.

 

I am desperately trying to move on with my life and get my self esteem back. I fell off the wagon last night and I now all of the progress I have made during the last 2 months is completely gone... I feel just exactly like I did that first day of NC. Like I will never, ever get over this addiction.

 

It does not help that I recently relocated and I do not know ANYONE here. I have no friends or extended family here. At his request, I did not build a life for myself here after moving because I was with him, and he was jealous that I might meet other men (this when I was single and he was married!)

 

So now I have nothing and no one, other than my two wonderful children. My marriage was destroyed over this A too, by the way. Even though it was not a good marriage to begin with.

 

I feel horrible anger at this man for what he did to me. Destroying my self-esteem, making promises that he never intended to keep, and treating me like crap. My life was left in shambles while he is now living the exact same life that he had before. I am ANGRY!!! Yet, I know I did this to myself. I know that I hurt many people and for that I will never forgive myself.

 

Please do not beat me up too much, as I do know what I have done wrong. I know I made my bed, and now I am exactly where I deserve to be. I am just looking for someone who understands the incredible pain, and for some support in getting through this and seeing a light at the end of this tunnel of hell. I don't know how to start NC all over again.

 

There is good news....you have your eyes wide open now. Further contact with him is only hurting you. You see that, right? Delete all his contact information - delete it. STOP thinking you can be friends with him, you can't be. Grieve the end; and then move past it. Box it up and put it on the shelf.

 

Your next steps are forward and not backward. Okay, you contacted him. You didn't die from it and you can't really hurt much more, right? So MOVE FORWARD.

 

Why did you move? For him? Please tell me you didn't do that.

 

Get out and MEET people. If you are religious, find a church. Also, I know many areas have 'single's groups' - good your area. See what you can find. Insert yourself into your job; meet people there. Get involved in a community organization. Stop living with a blindfold on.

 

You have this ONE shot at life; embrace it and grab it. Stop LETTING him decide your life. Stop giving him CONTROL of you.

 

Yep, he lied to you. Many do that. Yep he gets the power rush when you grovel for his attention. Many do that. BUT you allowed it all to happen. Especially after D Day when you chose to continue to believe him and continue to be in an affair with him.

 

TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK.

 

Look at your children. Get involved in their lives. Get them involved in activities. They need their mom; not some woman who spends hours crying over some married guy. Show them what a confident, independent woman you are. Teach them when life hands you lemons, you make pie

 

Now go and delete all that jerk's contact info and DO NOT ever respond to another email, text or online communication from him. Go, do it now.

[Emme]

:bunny:HUG:bunny:... I think you should throw yourself a party. A brand new you party. You have to define who you are now as a single mother of 2. Not an OW. You know no one in town and you inviting people over might take you out of your shell. I'm sure you must know a few people and that's where you should start. Being distracted helps with the process of forgetting. You can start right where you left off. Don't be embarrassed you are human, people make mistakes. You have to start living again. I honestly read some posts and even though I see people suffering I always remember that I have my health. There is nothing to down about. People need to be remembered that it's not as though you are watching a loved one wilt away and die. Life can be far worse than what you're dealing with right now. Enjoy life and your children.

[MissBee]

:bunny:HUG:bunny:... I think you should throw yourself a party. A brand new you party. You have to define who you are now as a single mother of 2. Not an OW. You know no one in town and you inviting people over might take you out of your shell. I'm sure you must know a few people and that's where you should start. Being distracted helps with the process of forgetting. You can start right where you left off. Don't be embarrassed you are human, people make mistakes. You have to start living again. I honestly read some posts and even though I see people suffering I always remember that I have my health. There is nothing to down about. People need to be remembered that it's not as though you are watching a loved one wilt away and die. Life can be far worse than what you're dealing with right now. Enjoy life and your children.

 

I agree

 

A Brand New You party sounds like a fabulous idea!

[RepairMinded]

Make a full and sincere written apology to your ex husband for destroying your marriage over this affair. Provide him with a detailed timeline of all your affair activities. Correct every lie you told him to continue the affair. All this should be in writing, up to the present time.

 

Send a copy of the same document to your MM's betrayed spouse. Disclose everything.

 

Send a firm No Contact letter to the MM and cut off all manner and means of interaction and communication.

 

Start dating real live unattached men. No more cheating for you. No more internet or online boyfriends. Real, live unattached men. Don't worry for now about how compatible or not they are for the long term.

 

You need to develop a social life.

 

Eliminate the anger and self-pity. What you are looking for is indifference not anger.

[Tenacity]

**HUGS***

 

Im sorry your are hurting..No judgements here...

Everyone is human. We all make mistakes. You need to keep telling yourself you are SOOO much better than this! You need to keep telling yourself that you are WORTH someone to treat you with all the respect and love that one can possiably imagine. Someone that will be all yours, dedicated to you and your children alone. Focus on your children, your job, and maybe getting involved with a gym or some sort of community event. Post here when you feel you want to contact him.

 

Everyone here is amazing....:bunny::bunny: and understands what you are going through. My best wishes to you.

 

Thank you SO much, TT. I have spent time reading your posts over the last few days and I know our situations are somewhat similar.

 

I appreciate, more than you know, your words of support. This is such an incredible forum.

[Tenacity]

Fooled Once.... thank you.

 

I was actually scared to read your reply. You are one tough woman

 

I can't thank you enough for being positive and for giving me the message that I needed to hear, particularly what you said about my kids. I don't think you will ever know what a difference you have made to me.

 

And BTW... no... I didn't move for him.

[Tenacity]

:bunny:HUG:bunny:... I think you should throw yourself a party. A brand new you party. You have to define who you are now as a single mother of 2. Not an OW. You know no one in town and you inviting people over might take you out of your shell. I'm sure you must know a few people and that's where you should start. Being distracted helps with the process of forgetting. You can start right where you left off. Don't be embarrassed you are human, people make mistakes. You have to start living again. I honestly read some posts and even though I see people suffering I always remember that I have my health. There is nothing to down about. People need to be remembered that it's not as though you are watching a loved one wilt away and die. Life can be far worse than what you're dealing with right now. Enjoy life and your children.

 

 

Thank you Emme. You are so right. It is all about perspective.

 

Thanks for reminding me what is important.

[Tenacity]

Make a full and sincere written apology to your ex husband for destroying your marriage over this affair. Provide him with a detailed timeline of all your affair activities. Correct every lie you told him to continue the affair. All this should be in writing, up to the present time.

 

Send a copy of the same document to your MM's betrayed spouse. Disclose everything.

 

Send a firm No Contact letter to the MM and cut off all manner and means of interaction and communication.

 

Start dating real live unattached men. No more cheating for you. No more internet or online boyfriends. Real, live unattached men. Don't worry for now about how compatible or not they are for the long term.

 

You need to develop a social life.

 

Eliminate the anger and self-pity. What you are looking for is indifference not anger.

 

Yes, that is true, but it's not necessarily an easy road to achieve indifference. That is the point I am trying to make.

 

Thank you for your post. I have already disclosed this information to my ex-husband. The affair was the end of our marriage, but even he is the first to agree, that the marriage was over long before it. Emotional and at the end, physical abuse. It's interesting that the former is so much easier to rationalize. When it became physical I left.

 

So, while I know I messed up, I do not blame just myself for the ending of the marriage overall.

 

I am not about to disclose anything to ex-MM's spouse. He has lied to her about our relationship, and she is not aware that it was ever physical. He has told me he regrets the lies. The last thing I want to do is hurt her. There is evidence that she already does not trust him, so what she does now is up to her. But I will not needlessly hurt innocent people any longer, not for my own personal revenge, not for any other reason.

Edited June 27, 2011 by Tenacity

[fooled once]

Fooled Once.... thank you.

 

I was actually scared to read your reply. You are one tough woman

 

I can't thank you enough for being positive and for giving me the message that I needed to hear, particularly what you said about my kids. I don't think you will ever know what a difference you have made to me.

 

And BTW... no... I didn't move for him.

 

 

Sorry if I scared you

 

I am tough in that I think women deserve more than they settle for; especially in affairs. You deserve to be respected and cherished. And a MM is not going to respect you and cherish you; especially when he is busy hiding you and covering up his tracks

 

I was a single mom for many years and the one thing that made me get up each day was my son No man will ever come 'before' him and no man is worth me not having my son's respect. Hug and kiss your kids and make sure they know any sadness you have shown them is not about them and tell them all the time how lucky you are to have them They will pull you through the dark times, I promise.

 

GOOD LUCK!!! p.s. SO glad to hear you didn't move because of him!! See, another positive!!