he's a 5 min phone call and 15 min drive away

[bikinibeach]

....i want to so badly, but i can't. i start to thinking about the sex and friendship and connection we shared.

 

but when i think of the things he allowed to destroy our relationship, and how he attempted to demote me to f buddy so that he could keep a hold on his narcissistic harem (just found out about that on baggagereclaim.com THANK GOD for that site...creepy because what was written there was him to a T!!!!!!!!!!!)

 

.....it makes me ill.

 

to feel for almost certain that the DAY we broke up he was running crying to his ex and the very girls who caused this in the first place. well, THEY didn't cause it, HE allowed it.

 

the website explained why, how....the whole thing is really unhealthy. for him and them. which is likely why it always felt wrong to me.

 

i have to say........I WISH .....that he had gotten counselling, told them his story, realized what was going on and started TAKING THE ACTIONS to right things. that he set firm boundaries with his friends and told his ex they are taking 6 months off from speaking or being "good friends" (puke). i wish then, while continuing his counselling, making new HEALTHY relationships and bettering himself, he then came to my door with those flowers he promised me and gave me a hand written letter letting me know these things.

 

i KNOW in my heart that this won't happen. he never came through on the things he promised me. and if he did they were severely delayed.

 

he was more worried about his ex and did more things for her than me when i was also suffering and fighting my own battle...alone. like always.

 

looking back on the times when he told me he would be there and wasn't for hours until showing up sheepishly and with vague excuses, i'll bet it had something to do with her.

 

i'm still mourning the loss of what i rather foolishly thought we could have had. i no longer beat myself up though for letting all this happen. i was lonely and i didn't want to believe what my instincts were screaming at me from our first date.

 

i miss his cat. he loved my cat too.

 

i wish he would have appreciated me and realized the value in a relationship with me. there's so much we could have had!!

 

we would have been so happy....if he was the person i thought he was. the person he was meant to be.

 

and not a tortured soul, spineless, stagnating in the past and causing his own heartache......

[bikinibeach]

also!

 

i find that we may tell ourselves that we are over it and that we know we aren't getting back together..but there's a little part of us that still holds on to that.

 

i found that writing out the ideal situation of what would have to happen for us to get back together (see original post) helped me because after i wrote it and read it, i truly realized that it's NOT going to happen.

 

this also reminds me of a story from my childhood.

 

when i was maybe 7 or 8, my mom took me to see this bird exhibit at the mall. i was a huge animal lover back then (Still now) and i started petting this beautiful bird. it was responding positively but then suddenly it turned and bit me!

 

the pain itself wasn't as bad but i was so upset that the bird had done that. a night or two later, i came into the living room to find my mother on the phone nodding and saying yes, okay i'll tell her.

 

when she hung up the phone, she told me that the bird called and said he was sorry. now, i was a smart kid but i was so hurt that i didn't even stop to think i guess. i was dumbfounded!! and SOO happy!! it made everything all better.

 

i completely forgot about it until my late teens when i randomly remembered that story and only then did i realize that it DIDN'T ACTUALLY HAPPEN!!! lol

 

the story touched my heart.

 

i found that imagining my ex and his ****ty "friends" coming and apologizing to me and admitting that a) he keeps them around because he's insecure and while it's platonic, he needs the attention and ego stroking also that he can't let go of his ex

 

and b) them telling me that since they're so unattractive, they cling to him because they don't get much male attention. especially not from someone above their league looks wise. also that they subconciously wanted and had to admit to themselves that they would prefer him single to spend more time with them also that they were jealous of our relationship and of me because, well, i am everything that they aren't and wish they could be (seriously, they are very insecure. their personalities are ugly and well.....their looks remind me of the evil stepsisters from in disney's cinderella)

 

feels great.

 

lol

Edited June 26, 2011 by bikinibeach

[0hpenelope]

Ah, another LS user who had a "he's 'good friends' with his ex"* experience. Jump on board!

 

 

*Disclaimer: I know and understand that some people are able to be good friends w/ their exes after a significant period of time has passed, but it sounds like OP and I didn't luck out in that regard.

[cjo1978]

can i jump on board too....i never heard the end of him during our relationship. he cheated on her for 4 years and she dumps me by text after 12 months cos we argued....at the beginning of the relationship i told her i didnt like him texting her and stuff but she said "im too nice to tell him to leave me alone!" not too nice when you dump though haha