bikinibeach Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 i grew up not ever having known my father. my mother died 2 years ago. we weren't very close. i am 28 years old. i have lost a certain confidence in the way i am in life, now that i am no longer anyone's daughter.... the way i carry myself. knowing i don't have a "home" to go to for holidays... no one really has my back.... my depression after my mom died lost me a great deal of friends. believe me, i have tried to reach out to them again and it's not working. i am pretty much alone. i am dealing with my depression with counselling, medication and exercise. i'm funny, caring, spiritual, educated, intelligent. my current goal is to save up enough money to afford living in fiji for three months and working with kids at an orphanage. my upbringing wasn't horrible, but it wasn't good. i didn't receive much affection or positive attention...we were on welfare for a long while and then my mother started working really hard to provide for us and put herself through college. she was depressed for almost her whole life and didn't do anything to treat it. the majority of my memories of her are very painful. do you think there could be an older couple out there who might want to start a maternal/paternal friendship with me? it would be nice to know i had someone who cared. who i could go to for advice. who thought about me on holidays. who would notice if i went missing. i am so alone and it's really hard. how would i accomplish this or any suggestions? thanks Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 am so sorry to hear of your loss, especially since you're very much flying solo ... I was really close to my mom and miss her greatly, I can only imagine what you're facing now *hugs* to answer your question: Yes, there will be people in your life who may not be related to you but will be come the family of your heart because of the love shared. Or it might be a relative you haven't seen in awhile who just takes you in emotionally and makes all the difference. not sure what's available in your area, or if you have the time to get involved in "extracurricular" activities, but seriously consider joining in different events so you can meet people who you have a common interest with. Volunteer, take classes, etc – you'd be amazed at who you meet! meanwhile, don't forget you have friends here at the 'Shack ... we're a motley, but fun and caring, group of folks Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa_H Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Sorry to hear about your loss. It is tough being alone and feeling you have no support system. I am sure there is an older couple who maybe their children have moved away or don't visit often. Start connecting with people, do you go to church? any hobbies? you will surely run into some lovely people that you can create a lasting relationship with that will fill the void in your life. My grandparents did this with a girl in their neighborhood - it just kind of happened - they took a liking to her and before you knew it she was at all of our get togethers and became a part of the family. Hang in there! Link to post Share on other sites
Dooda Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Sorry to hear about your loss. It seems like, from what you described of your past, you now feel guilt for not doing enough or not being close enough to your mother as you could have while she was alive. You possibly blame yourself for how she was and her actions. You possibly blame yourself for how you were treated when you were younger or for all the painful memories you have. You possibly blame yourself, and now there is nothing you can do to mend the faulty relationship you had with your mother. You have to remember that everything she did was her fault. The painful memories are not your fault. What happened to you when you were younger was not your fault. Nothing was your fault. You shouldn't blame yourself for anything. I think going to Fiji and helping people at an orphanage is a great choice. It will both help you to clear your mind, as well as give you a feeling of satisfaction while you are helping others, which is greatly needed. It is hard, but I feel once you get through this, you will be a much better and stronger person because of it. I wish you all the best. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 maybe even consider volunteering at a nursing home – very sad place for an older person to be when they don't have family to come visit Link to post Share on other sites
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