Anxiety, Depression, Insomnia

[betterdeal]

The man's an arse.

 

His choice of flight has nothing to do with your qualities, and everything to do with his past. I guarantee you he would have left those other relationships, had either he or she been half as decent, kind and healthy as you are.

 

Here's how a lot of abusive relationships fuel themselves: both or either party has a very low opinion of themselves; the abuse confirms they are as bad as they believe they are and, bizarrely, gives them confidence in their own judgment; the abuse is also the abused person's fault in both or either party's eyes, and they stay to make good the bad they've done. 99.999% of the time, the abuse is two way. These people, with very low self-respect, think what they have with their partner is unique, that no-one outside "gets" them like their partner does, and that their bond is so strong and deep. They also think no-one else will have them. They have, in a twisted way, found their soul-mate. It's complete and utter madness.

 

Water seeks out its own level. You were not, are not, on the same level as him. He was dragging you down to the bottom of the pond. You're a kind, beautiful, intelligent, accomplished, witty, caring, lovely soul. You know it, I know, we know it. Say it to yourself at least five times a day. Write it on post-it notes and put them up around your home.

 

My opinion is, you have had two losses in quick succession and you need to grieve both of them. You're going to be an excellent mother one day. Start being a bit more discriminating as to who you choose to father your children.

 

Love

 

Betterdeal

[D-Lish]

The man's an arse.

 

His choice of flight has nothing to do with your qualities, and everything to do with his past. I guarantee you he would have left those other relationships, had either he or she been half as decent, kind and healthy as you are.

 

Here's how a lot of abusive relationships fuel themselves: both or either party has a very low opinion of themselves; the abuse confirms they are as bad as they believe they are and, bizarrely, gives them confidence in their own judgment; the abuse is also the abused person's fault in both or either party's eyes, and they stay to make good the bad they've done. 99.999% of the time, the abuse is two way. These people, with very low self-respect, think what they have with their partner is unique, that no-one outside "gets" them like their partner does, and that their bond is so strong and deep. They also think no-one else will have them. They have, in a twisted way, found their soul-mate. It's complete and utter madness.

 

Water seeks out its own level. You were not, are not, on the same level as him. He was dragging you down to the bottom of the pond. You're a kind, beautiful, intelligent, accomplished, witty, caring, lovely soul. You know it, I know, we know it. Say it to yourself at least five times a day. Write it on post-it notes and put them up around your home.

 

My opinion is, you have had two losses in quick succession and you need to grieve both of them. You're going to be an excellent mother one day. Start being a bit more discriminating as to who you choose to father your children.

 

Love

 

Betterdeal

 

Thanks BD,

 

No kids on the horizon for me, Me getting pregnant at 41 was just a fluke!

 

I guess I can look at it logically and just concede we weren't right for one another. I'm overly sensitive and he had the emotional maturity of a peanut.

 

The thing is, I hadn't had a serious relationship in 6 years before meeting my ex. Those first few months, I slept like a baby, I was happier than I'd been in YEARS. Maybe it was just the serotonin doing its thing.

[betterdeal]

No kids on the horizon for me, Me getting pregnant at 41 was just a fluke!

 

Oh right. Do you want kids?

 

I guess I can look at it logically and just concede we weren't right for one another. I'm overly sensitive and he had the emotional maturity of a peanut.

 

Yeah, he's a dick. He couldn't handle being in a relationship with someone he couldn't blame for his imperfections. When the house is on fire, no-one's going to moan about the unwashed dishes.

 

The thing is, I hadn't had a serious relationship in 6 years before meeting my ex. Those first few months, I slept like a baby, I was happier than I'd been in YEARS. Maybe it was just the serotonin doing its thing.

 

Ah, I know how that feels. Even if it was just for 3 days, I slept like a log. First time in over a decade for me. But the next time I slept like that was only a few months later, at a friend's house. I think it's being in company I trust that makes sleeping so much more enjoyable (even if she wasn't there at the time, the warmth of being "with" someone works too)

Edited July 4, 2011 by betterdeal

[D-Lish]

Oh right. Do you want kids?

 

Yeah, he's a dick. He couldn't handle being in a relationship with someone he couldn't blame for his imperfections. When the house is on fire, no-one's going to moan about the unwashed dishes.

 

Ah, I know how that feels. Even if it was just for 3 days, I slept like a log. First time in over a decade for me. But the next time I slept like that was only a few months later, at a friend's house. I think it's being in company I trust that makes sleeping so much more enjoyable (even if she wasn't there at the time, the warmth of being "with" someone works too)

 

I'd given up on kids when I got pregnant- and was on the fence. I was warming up to the idea though.

 

I was really happy for a few months- in a way I haven't experienced since I met my exH 15 years ago. I relate to that "warmth" you mentioned. I really did sleep so well for our entire relationship- up until things started falling apart and I felt him distancing himself from me. Then the anxiety started to kick in, in high gear- and I was back to waking up 3 hours after my head hit the pillow, staring at the ceiling with my heart in my throat.

 

I have my Dr's appt tomorrow morning before work- so it's something that might provide some light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Thanks for helping to talk me through this- it does help to talk it out.

[betterdeal]

You're welcome. And you're right; sharing does help. I think that knowing someone knows what one is feeling is important for many of us.

 

Do you wake up at the same time every morning or is it after a set period of sleep? I used to wake up at 4am every morning. Did that for years. I'd get up, potter about, do stuff, then be completely knackered by 8am and need to go to bed again.

 

It came down to a combination of a circadian rhythm (going to pee at 4am like clockwork) and an anxious nature. That meant something disturbed me (need to pee) and I therefore became alert (anxious nature).

 

As soon as I recognised the pattern, it became a lot less of a problem. I started holding back for 5 minutes a week (e.g. the first week I'd not go to pee until 4:05am; the second week, 4:10am and so on) and I'd go back to bed afterwards, even if only for 10 minutes. Avoiding diuretics ( caffeine, alcohol, too much water ) in the evening helped too.

[D-Lish]

You're welcome. And you're right; sharing does help. I think that knowing someone knows what one is feeling is important for many of us.

 

Do you wake up at the same time every morning or is it after a set period of sleep? I used to wake up at 4am every morning. Did that for years. I'd get up, potter about, do stuff, then be completely knackered by 8am and need to go to bed again.

 

It came down to a combination of a circadian rhythm (going to pee at 4am like clockwork) and an anxious nature. That meant something disturbed me (need to pee) and I therefore became alert (anxious nature).

 

As soon as I recognised the pattern, it became a lot less of a problem. I started holding back for 5 minutes a week (e.g. the first week I'd not go to pee until 4:05am; the second week, 4:10am and so on) and I'd go back to bed afterwards, even if only for 10 minutes. Avoiding diuretics ( caffeine, alcohol, too much water ) in the evening helped too.

 

I wake up three hours after my head hits the pillow- which is usually 4:30am, so it's a set period of sleep. I will usually pee, and then stare at the ceiling for a while, then experience broken sleep until I have to get up for work at about 7:30.

 

I only get 3 hours of sleep before I wake up- so if I go to bed at 11pm, I will wake up at 2am.

 

I did get my scripts renewed today. I actually felt a little better this morning just knowing I was doing something to help myself. My Dr. was a new resident, and he was so cute.... lol. I was blushing through my whole appt. He was great though- very compassionate and so easy to talk to.

 

I booked my holidays for the first week of August, so that is something to look forward to.

 

Have you ever tried sleeping pills, or do you prefer to take a more natural route?

[Dust]

I wake up three hours after my head hits the pillow- which is usually 4:30am, so it's a set period of sleep. I will usually pee, and then stare at the ceiling for a while, then experience broken sleep until I have to get up for work at about 7:30.

 

I only get 3 hours of sleep before I wake up- so if I go to bed at 11pm, I will wake up at 2am.

 

I did get my scripts renewed today. I actually felt a little better this morning just knowing I was doing something to help myself. My Dr. was a new resident, and he was so cute.... lol. I was blushing through my whole appt. He was great though- very compassionate and so easy to talk to.

 

I booked my holidays for the first week of August, so that is something to look forward to.

 

Have you ever tried sleeping pills, or do you prefer to take a more natural route?

 

I'm going to go try to sleep right now. I have like 7 jobs I want to send resumes to in the morning. I'll probably try to wake up 530 am

[D-Lish]

I'm going to go try to sleep right now. I have like 7 jobs I want to send resumes to in the morning. I'll probably try to wake up 530 am

 

Keep at it D, there is something out there for you.

 

I went out to lunch with my boss today- we had a major venting session about the company we work for. I confided to her that I had started on meds for stress and she confided in me that she has just done the same.

 

It's important to find a job you like. I like my job, but it stresses me out to the max.

 

I'm very fortunate to have an immediate boss that I connect with. She respects me and I respect her.

 

You'll find something, I have faith in that.

[betterdeal]

I only get 3 hours of sleep before I wake up- so if I go to bed at 11pm, I will wake up at 2am.

 

Uh huh. Do you nap at all? I like an afternoon nap.

 

Have you ever tried sleeping pills, or do you prefer to take a more natural route?

 

I use sleeping pills occasionally. The mild hypnotic ones were the best for getting to sleep IME.

 

I realise that I automatically seek out stimulants when I'm tired. Bad habit!

[D-Lish]

Uh huh. Do you nap at all? I like an afternoon nap.

 

 

 

I use sleeping pills occasionally. The mild hypnotic ones were the best for getting to sleep IME.

 

I realise that I automatically seek out stimulants when I'm tired. Bad habit!

 

Nah, I couldn't nap if I tried! With the anxiety burning like a furnace in my body- it makes it impossible- plus my mind never shuts off.

 

I've started back on Wellbutrin and Clonozopam, also some immovane to help me sleep.

 

I'm hoping that once the meds kick in in 6 weeks or so, it will help me to stop ruminating over the break up. It's been 3 1/2 months, It shouldn't be on my mind 24/7!

[green_tea]

Thanks BD,

The thing is, I hadn't had a serious relationship in 6 years before meeting my ex. Those first few months, I slept like a baby, I was happier than I'd been in YEARS. Maybe it was just the serotonin doing its thing.

 

Sorry to come in late to your thread...

 

It's great that you felt happy when in the relationship - it sounds like you need to try to feel as good about yourself when you're single? I know it's hard, especially after what you've gone through with the ex, even your birth mother - that was a sad story of when you last saw her.

 

I hope you can get away from work and take some time out to just relax and start feeling good about yourself again.

[D-Lish]

Sorry to come in late to your thread...

 

It's great that you felt happy when in the relationship - it sounds like you need to try to feel as good about yourself when you're single? I know it's hard, especially after what you've gone through with the ex, even your birth mother - that was a sad story of when you last saw her.

 

I hope you can get away from work and take some time out to just relax and start feeling good about yourself again.

 

Well I started back on my meds. The main side effect for me is loss of appetite. I can go 4-5 days without eating without a second thought.

 

That's what I am going through now- a complete loss of interest in food. I had a piece of cheese today- I can't remember if I even had anything at all to eat yesterday- or even the day before to be honest.

 

The burning furnace in my tummy/throat is less though.

 

It will all level out.

[dreamingoftigers]

Hi DLish,

 

I took a bit of a timeout so I haven't been following too much.

 

Have you looked up the Taming Your Outer Child book?

 

I think the general idea would probably really help your situation.

I found it incredibly life-changing.

 

Feel free to PM me if you ever would like to chat.

[dreamingoftigers]

Nah, I couldn't nap if I tried! With the anxiety burning like a furnace in my body- it makes it impossible- plus my mind never shuts off.

 

I've started back on Wellbutrin and Clonozopam, also some immovane to help me sleep.

 

I'm hoping that once the meds kick in in 6 weeks or so, it will help me to stop ruminating over the break up. It's been 3 1/2 months, It shouldn't be on my mind 24/7!

 

I found about 6 months was the turning point for me post -breakup in general.

[D-Lish]

Hi DLish,

 

I took a bit of a timeout so I haven't been following too much.

 

Have you looked up the Taming Your Outer Child book?

 

I think the general idea would probably really help your situation.

I found it incredibly life-changing.

 

Feel free to PM me if you ever would like to chat.

 

Thanks Dot.

 

I'll go there tomorrow and check it out.

I have some Clonazepam and Zopiclone I took an hour ago that are hopefully going to knock me out soon.

 

My experiece tells me I have six minutes until I crash:o

[D-Lish]

Thanks Dot.

 

I'll go there tomorrow and check it out.

I have some Clonazepam and Zopiclone I took an hour ago that are hopefully going to knock me out soon.

 

My experiece tells me I have six minutes until I crash:o

Enough time to brush my teeth:cool:

[dreamingoftigers]

You should be out by now, goodnight LOL

[green_tea]

Well I started back on my meds. The main side effect for me is loss of appetite. I can go 4-5 days without eating without a second thought.

 

That's what I am going through now- a complete loss of interest in food. I had a piece of cheese today- I can't remember if I even had anything at all to eat yesterday- or even the day before to be honest.

 

The burning furnace in my tummy/throat is less though.

 

It will all level out.

 

Can you try to drink some meal replacement shakes or something? Your body can only take so much of not eating. Hope you've talked to your doc about the loss of appetite as well.

 

Things will get better.

[betterdeal]

I found about 6 months was the turning point for me post -breakup in general.

 

It's a grieving process, so 6 months is quite normal, and grieving is itself, quite normal.

[sm1tten]

I wanted to chime in this thread. I, too, have GAD. I was actually misdiagnosed with bipolar, so I had been on the medicinal merry-go-round for a while before I finally had to jump off. Not only was I not feeling better (due to the fact that I am actually not bipolar) but the side effects were extreme. The excessive weight gain I could stand, but not the potential tumor that was growing in my head. That kind of extreme. And more.

 

I don't say this to scare anyone, but I can never go back to the meds. CBT also didn't really work for me, but that could be just that I've never really clicked with a therapist.

 

My anxiety is also extreme, but it seems to be lessening it's grip somewhat this year. I have a hard time sleeping, eating, even just watching a television show. Forget about movies. I have the attention span of a gnat 75% of the time... and it's because I'm stuck in my head, ruminating. I'm also a classic perfectionist multi-tasker, so the stress levels are often through the roof.

 

But lately I have found that I have been dealing with things a lot better. I do not know why. Some of it is "fake it til you make it" and some of it, I think, has to do with my diet. During my most depressive and high anxiety episodes I was eating tons of crap - junk food, fast food, canned pasta - and I have noticed that a healthier diet gives me more energy and fortitude to just deal.

[spiderowl]

You've been through a lot recently and this as well:

 

I can't even have a true day off - I am fielding an average of 5 calls from work on a day off because I always need to be available everyday when the stores are open. I've been holding things together as best as I can, presenting in public like a normal trouble free person.

 

It sounds like your body is telling you you need a break and must take one. Do you really always need to be available? Isn't there anyone else who could do this? What would happen if you had to take time out because of an accident or something, who would normally take over then? It's no wonder you are not winding down as you are constantly 'on duty'. I think you need to draw a line between work and home and stick to it. Tell people you are going to do it so they don't expect you to work at home. If you can't, look for a different job. No job should keep you on duty all the time. We all need a private life.

 

You know that meds do help you for a while. Some anti-depressants are really good for quelling anxiety but as someone who has used them myself for depression and pain mainly, I do know that it's no fun having to take them long term. I've been overworking recently, feeling too much responsibility for what's happening (with good reason) and it has been affecting my health. We deserve a private life and time to rest and recuperate. You especially need this after your recent sadnesses. It would also help you to talk to a good counsellor, help get things off your chest and gain some insight into the way you are feeling.

 

It may help you to talk to friends and family about how you are feeling. I know you don't like to share these things but they can't offer support unless they know what's going on. Sometimes just knowing they care and are willing to be on the end of a phone can make all the difference. It's also external recognition of what you know inside. That alone can be a relief. You have been trying to cope for a long time. Now is the time to let others support you and to cry about what happened and take time out to integrate it all. When things like this happen, the mind is trying to sort through it all and if it is struggling it will make you feel on edge and unhappy. This is where a counsellor can really help, with coming to terms with things and sorting through all these disparate and confusing feelings.

[D-Lish]

Can you try to drink some meal replacement shakes or something? Your body can only take so much of not eating. Hope you've talked to your doc about the loss of appetite as well.

 

Things will get better.

 

I know from experience that I will level out. I did force down a power bar today. With the Wellbutrin, I just don't even think of eating. The last time I started this med I lost 10 lbs, then as I got used to it I levelled out.

 

It's a grieving process, so 6 months is quite normal, and grieving is itself, quite normal.

 

I guess I just thought that it was barely a 6 month relationship, and here I am approaching 4 months of grieving- and as much as I am not bawling every night, I still miss him terribly.

 

I wanted to chime in this thread. I, too, have GAD. I was actually misdiagnosed with bipolar, so I had been on the medicinal merry-go-round for a while before I finally had to jump off. Not only was I not feeling better (due to the fact that I am actually not bipolar) but the side effects were extreme. The excessive weight gain I could stand, but not the potential tumor that was growing in my head. That kind of extreme. And more.

 

I don't say this to scare anyone, but I can never go back to the meds. CBT also didn't really work for me, but that could be just that I've never really clicked with a therapist.

 

My anxiety is also extreme, but it seems to be lessening it's grip somewhat this year. I have a hard time sleeping, eating, even just watching a television show. Forget about movies. I have the attention span of a gnat 75% of the time... and it's because I'm stuck in my head, ruminating. I'm also a classic perfectionist multi-tasker, so the stress levels are often through the roof.

 

But lately I have found that I have been dealing with things a lot better. I do not know why. Some of it is "fake it til you make it" and some of it, I think, has to do with my diet. During my most depressive and high anxiety episodes I was eating tons of crap - junk food, fast food, canned pasta - and I have noticed that a healthier diet gives me more energy and fortitude to just deal.

 

It sounds more like OCD? Have they ever considered that?

 

You've been through a lot recently and this as well:

It sounds like your body is telling you you need a break and must take one. Do you really always need to be available? Isn't there anyone else who could do this? What would happen if you had to take time out because of an accident or something, who would normally take over then? It's no wonder you are not winding down as you are constantly 'on duty'. I think you need to draw a line between work and home and stick to it. Tell people you are going to do it so they don't expect you to work at home. If you can't, look for a different job. No job should keep you on duty all the time. We all need a private life.

 

You know that meds do help you for a while. Some anti-depressants are really good for quelling anxiety but as someone who has used them myself for depression and pain mainly, I do know that it's no fun having to take them long term. I've been overworking recently, feeling too much responsibility for what's happening (with good reason) and it has been affecting my health. We deserve a private life and time to rest and recuperate. You especially need this after your recent sadnesses. It would also help you to talk to a good counsellor, help get things off your chest and gain some insight into the way you are feeling.

 

It may help you to talk to friends and family about how you are feeling. I know you don't like to share these things but they can't offer support unless they know what's going on. Sometimes just knowing they care and are willing to be on the end of a phone can make all the difference. It's also external recognition of what you know inside. That alone can be a relief. You have been trying to cope for a long time. Now is the time to let others support you and to cry about what happened and take time out to integrate it all. When things like this happen, the mind is trying to sort through it all and if it is struggling it will make you feel on edge and unhappy. This is where a counsellor can really help, with coming to terms with things and sorting through all these disparate and confusing feelings.

 

Thanks,

 

I have booked sessions with my family Dr. It does help to talk. In terms of taking time off- it's so hard.

 

I'm an Area Manager that reports to my Regional Manager. She is stressed out to the max as well. We get along well, and we see one another socially. We had lunch the other day and both admitted we had just started anti-anxiety meds. I really like her, and we have a great working relationship. However, taking time off in this business is showing weakness. The owner wants results- it doesn't matter if a parent dies, or you're going through a divorce, if you're pregnant... Results are what matter- and you're always being threatened with being replaced.

 

My RM does support me- but I don't want to let her down either. She's stressed to the max as well. With retail, you're open 7 days a week 10am to 9pm most days- Saturdays and Sundays as well. My phone rings constantly. Computers go down, crap happens all the time, and I just can't afford to take a real day off.

 

I was on vacation visiting my parents in DC in Feb, and I still fielded a few calls a day. It's the nature of the job.

 

I do feel a bit less stressed having started the meds. The last few nights I HAVE SLEPT. Makes such a difference.

[D-Lish]

i know i'm the odd one out here - but - i do think eliminating any and all altering substances would make all the difference in the world.

 

get back to the true nature of what you were intended to be... it's a much easier route than piling on more and more meds - some designed to alter the brain and the beauty of you.

 

the route you're taking makes me sad for you.

 

if you're tired sleep - no need to take MORE medication that becomes addictive and altering - just try relaxing more... get a routine in your evening to wind down and drift off to sleep.

 

2Sunny,

 

Imagine what it is like to stare at the ceiling every night for years, functioning on a few hours of broken sleep. You spend your day in a fog, living off of caffeine just to get through the day.

 

Imagine what it is then like to take a pill that doesn't have side effects, but gives you a good night of rest after spending ages pining for rest.

 

If you're going to bed every night getting 8 hours- please don't judge me for finding respite in a prescription. I haven't had 8 hours for almost 10 years.

 

I've had 2 days of 8 hours unbroken sleep. I already feel so much better.I don't remember the last time I slept a good sleep.

 

I have no side effects on the wellbutrin, it calms my anxiety, the clonozapam and sleeping pill isn't something I'm going to need in 2 months. But it's helping me now.

 

I'm 41, I've tried everything "natural" under the sun- and I've never been able to find peace. I get peace and a better quality of life taking meds that work for me.

 

I'm sorry that makes you disappointed in me. I think that's just as sad as you judging me for helping myself with the resources available to me.

[dreamingoftigers]

I have a little fear of pharma as well, but I might be going back on the Dexies Monday.

[D-Lish]

DL - i never said i was judging or disappointed in you.

 

i was merely working from my own experience as well... i used to go years at a time with only being capable of 2 hours each night of sleep. it made me feel like a crazy person...

 

not judging - glad your new method is bringing you some much needed relief now.

 

 

only shared concern and/or caution - as many of my friends have gotten stick being dependent from a variety of meds - to the point of needing to detox and do rehab just to get a stopping point from taking them.

 

 

everyone is different. everyone needs rest. i hope you rest well.

 

I have rested well, two nights in a row- a full sleep- I can't tell you how much it's made a difference just to SLEEP. People take the ability to sleep for granted, It's so important.

 

Sorry, I felt judged for taking meds, I probably came off as a bitch, I'm not meaning to. It's just that after such a long time of not being able to sleep because ny anxiety has taken that from me- I feel like I have won the lottery.

 

I've had sleep for the last couple of nights- unheard of for me for months/years- I can't describe how much better I feel just...getting...sleep.