Wife moved out? Doesn't know if shes still "in love"...

[reallydon'tknow]

I have been married to my wife to 6 years yesterday. We have been together for almost 10 years. We started dating when I was in high school and she had just graduated. I am 26 and she is 29. We had a son when I was 19 and we got married the next year. My son is the greatest thing that ever happened to me, and I will always love her for that.

 

We had been trying to have another baby for a couple years now. Finally, she went to a fertility specialist and they started her on Chlomed. She took it one month and by the time the month was over she didn't know if she was still "in love" with me. Seriously I do not know her anymore, she only focuses on all the negative things and never sees anything good. She says she still loves me very much, but she doesn't have the same feelings as she used and she doesn't know how to get back. So we spend about 6+ weeks living together and trying to work things out. But basically I inevitably end up pushing bc I want the affection back and I push her further away. We had always had an extremely affectionate relationship the kind that other people see and they are like gross! But one day it was all gone, she was still there and friendly but really just felt like a roommate. Our problems root from my trust issues (which we/I have started seeing a therapist about). After speaking to a therapist he says that the reason I hold on so tight is bc I love her so much and I've experienced significant loss and bc of that I hold her tight bc I'm afraid of losing her, which makes perfect sense to me.

 

She has been so distant over the last few weeks that it is driving me crazy. She won't tell me that she wants to work on us being together, but she also won't tell me that its over. We have talked about divorce and she seems ok with it, but from what her friends tell me she loves me very very much and wants to have her family back. We have fought this same fight over the years and before alls I could really ever do was say that I won't be that way anymore, but know I think I know what I need to work on. With the distance between us I feel like I don't have the chance to show her that I can be better.

 

All I want is my wife/life back I love her so much, but also I'm so alone and in so much pain I feel like I might want to move on and spend time with someone else who can appreciate me for who I am. Seriously, I know that trust is a huge deal in a marriage and I am ready to work on it, but I don't feel like we should be throwing our whole marriage away over this?

 

What should I do?

 

Sorry its so long...

[Mz. Pixie]

Is she still on fertility meds? Those can really mess with your hormones.

 

Do you have any reason to suspect she could be cheating?

[PegNosePete]

The "love but not in love" is on page 1 of the cheater's handbook but in this case I wouldn't jump to that conclusion.

 

I would however recommend that you get into MC as soon as possible. The fact is you've been together since such an early age that neither of you know what it's like to be apart, or with anyone else. You were 16 and she was 19 when you got together! I'm sorry to say, the odds are stacked against you. Some couples can beat those odds but they are few and far between. Good luck.