Similiar problem

[Chris]

Interesting to read Josh's post, I have a similiar problem with a friend of mine. This is not a "relationship" question, it has more to do with friendship, but if anyone can help me out it would be appreciated.

 

I'm refering to a girl I grew up with and am very good friends with. We never really dated each other, although occasionally we had a few romantic sessions, but not much more. I think it would be best put to say that we were almost best friends.

 

Well, the same thing is happening to her as is happening to Josh's girlfriend. She just graduated High School this year. All her life she was the nicest person, she would do anything for anyone, was always very curteous, and always smiling...and never got in trouble. Now just in the past 4 months, I'm worried. She has started smoking and drinking also, she has been going out a lot more doing things she never would before and dressing aggressivly (for lack of a better word.) We still talk occasionally, but instead of talking to each other about our friends, or going out to lunch together, or coming to each other to talk about our other relationships, now all she wants to talk about is the next party she is going to or how she's going to get into a certain club. Everything she says and does is totally centered around herself. When she was 14 she acted like she was 18...and now that she's 18 it seems like she is acting like a 14 year old.

 

I'm just worried about her as a friend. I don't think anythign bad is going to happen to her, but she's not the same person she was just a few months ago....and she has so much going for her (she's very smart, dedicated when she puts her mind to things) and I feel she's starting to waste those talents away. And of course, I don't feel as close to her as a friend anymore.

 

It bothers me and I don't know what I can do about it, if anything. I tried to bring it up to her once, but she didnt' think it was that big of a deal to talk about.

 

There probably isn't much I can do, but when I read Josh's post I thought of it again. It's just frustrating to see such a close friend change for the worse and not being able to do anything about it.

[Tony T]

Welcome to life. People change, circumstances change, friendships evolve, people get married, have children, move, get divorced, become ill...all kinds of things happen that get in the way or change the nature of friendships.

 

If she is really and truly your friend, the best thing you can do is accept her as she is and give her plenty of room to grow. It is heartbreaking that someone you were once so close to very abuptly casts you aside for other seemingly more interesting or challenging pursuits. But it happens all the time.

 

One of the best things we can learn in life is to enjoy each and every moment as it comes. Our very dearest friend at the moment may not even be in our lives at all in six months or a year. Relish the time together NOW!!! Friendships between men and women are especially fragile because when the woman finds a romantic interest, very often she writes off everyone else in her life (male and female) to concentrate on her new love. It is usually pretty abrupt and heartbreaking for those who are dropped.

 

Your lady friend has just made some changes in her life, I am sure temporary. Those parties and clubs won't be so important to her in a few years but these are experiences you can't take away from her right now. When she was 14, she could be or seem more mature because those wild adventures were out of her reach. Now that she is of age, she has to participate. Hopefully, she'll come back to planet earth unscathed at some point in the future.

 

But it's nevertheless a loss. And all through our lives, we gain friends and lose them as our interests, jobs, living arrangements, relationships and other circumstances change. It's just the way it is. Very little is forever.

 

The best thing you can do is be kind, generous and patient towards this girl and move on with your life. Right now, she is going through a very selfish phase which could last from as little as a few to more than seven years... depending. You can't control it. It's part of her learning thing and it seems part of yours as well.