kittycat95 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 It all started when I started to feel anxious (ironically, AFTER a yoga class!) about our 'status' together and texted him saying, what are we doing, and brought up how I was getting mixed messages from him. He was in the middle of doing something else and had responded normally and friendly when I first texted him but when I brought this up acted sort of shut off, etc. Since that afternoon, ironically a full 4 weeks after the first fight we had that led to that break up, I have been rreally depressed and anxious, and have done nothing productive. I have a big project due for school soon along with things I have to do for work and I neglected everything today. I slept til about 2 in the afternoon then watched television all day. I went out to dinner with my family and that was a decent distraction but I just feel so unhappy. I'm trying to tell myself that tomorrow is a new day and a chance for me to turn it around again but it's hard to feel the optimism beyond my empty words . Thanks for reading... Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Don't think there's anyone here who will be shocked by the way you're feeling. I had one of those weekends too and just didn't feel like doing anything, other than think of her. I know it hurts to do it, but I still do it. I still cling on to that past, that hope. There really is nothing that I can say that will help you, other than knowing that eventually you will get better, we all will. Time is the only healer. Take some comfort in knowing that you're on a forum with thousands of others most of whom have gone through or are going through the same issues. In other words, you're not alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kittycat95 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 thank you Smudge, this board is such a godsend. I really appreciate everyone's help and support. I just feel like such a personal failure, you know? That it's my fault for losing control and texting him so much, that I pushed him away, that I dont' know how to keep a relationship. I try to remember it takes two to make a relationship work but I can't keep thoughts of failure out of my mind. I lost someone I really love and care about probably due to my own foolishness. Why didn't I act cooler? Why did I just lose it like that? I keep running regrets over and over in my head. I'm truly losing my mind. I've been emailing him all day trying to explain how I feel. I even illustrated and sent a cute story to him to which he replied that he was sick of dealing with me. In another email he said there's nothing I can do to change his mind and to stop wasting my time, that I hurt him too much, and that I'm just not a nice person,etc. I wish he could see that although I regret sending the angry messages and I didn't mean them, I've also been going through a lot of struggles myself and if he loved me he would understand and not just run away . Link to post Share on other sites
RuinedLife Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I just feel like such a personal failure, you know? That it's my fault for losing control and texting him so much, that I pushed him away, that I dont' know how to keep a relationship. I try to remember it takes two to make a relationship work but I can't keep thoughts of failure out of my mind. I lost someone I really love and care about probably due to my own foolishness. Why didn't I act cooler? Why did I just lose it like that? I keep running regrets over and over in my head. I'm truly losing my mind. Oh yeah I can REALLY relate to this! I regret so many things I said to my ex bf both before and after our break up, as everything I said seemed to make things worse. It was my insecurities and anxiety that was the trigger for my break up in the first place and I sent emails telling my ex how I felt that I truly regret sending now. And I struggle constantly to forgive myself for sending these emails when I was in such an overly emotional state and for pushing my ex bf so far way from me. He used to be my best friend and now he's just gone so cold on me, just ignores me and it hurts so so much, words simply can not describe the pain of that. I wish I could offer you more comfort. But the best I can do really is to let you know that you are not alone in feeling like this. And that everyone here on this forum is struggling to cope with similar feelings of rejection, loss, worthlessness etc and we're all here to help support each other best we can. Time is really the only healer I think, combined with some level of distraction. But talking about your feelings with others can help some too, especially if you have understanding friends around to help support you? My ex bf was my best and only friend so I only really have people on this site and family to turn to, but if you have close friends maybe try talking to them about how you feel, as they may have been through something similar and be able to help you through this tough time too. If not, don't worry we're all here to help each other through this. Link to post Share on other sites
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