fiat500 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 (edited) Have not talked to this person since he ended things back in the fall of last year (I shot down his request for friendship while picking up my things in the winter in order to avoid coming off as desperate and also to prevent myself from contacting him and being friend zoned for real). Since then I've been flip flopping back and forth and going from being content to feeling resentful again. I'm deeply ashamed to admit that despite being let go in the most disrespectful way possible, I still have some strong feelings toward him and it disgusts me. How can I kill these feelings? They actually should have died a while ago in light of how I was treated and how he leap-frogged from woman to woman afterwards...but I still feel a staggering sadness in my heart... Edited June 27, 2011 by fiat500 Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 How can I kill these feelings? They actually should have died a while ago in light of how I was treated and how he leap-frogged from woman to woman afterwards...but I still feel a staggering sadness in my heart... Don't be so hard on yourself, fi. Who's determining how fast or long it will take you to heal? If you're still hurting from things say, 4 years after the break up, as if you were still on the first few weeks after the break, then that's cause for concern. I'm sure you're doing a lot better than you're giving yourself credit for! Link to post Share on other sites
RuinedLife Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I just want you to know you are not alone. Its been 6 months since my break up now and I still feel the heartache intensely even though my ex has long since moved on. And I still in delusional denial that we will get back together even. Heartache is live a horrible sickness, with some suffering worse than others and some heartache infecting us worth than others, and sometimes its like a long lasting illness that may take years to die down completely, but we have to just keep struggling on, moving from one day to the next even if we do feel so love sick each and every day and have to endure the horrible pain of heartache. It sucks, but thats how I've come to think of it. Heartache is just a long term illness we have to learn to live with sometimes, as there is only so many things we can do to try and treat it and lessen the symptoms and eventually you just have to endure it sadly. Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 You're stronger than you think if you've been able to avoid contact and playing games! How long was the relationship? Sometimes healing just takes a long time. Don't blame yourself, you can't help who you love sometimes. I still have feelings for me ex even though she lied, lied, and lied some more during the breakup process and the limited contact we've had since then. You'll be okay! Make sure that you are taking care of yourself, finding time for fun and friends, and maybe when you least expect it, someone better will come along. Link to post Share on other sites
thelovingkind Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Don't focus so much on killing your feelings for him, but creating new feelings with another person. This is great advice that's really rung true with me in my past. If you're not ready to develop feelings for someone right now think of it like this instead. Your goal is not to lose all feelings for your ex, your goal is to get yourself to a place where you could freely develop feelings for someone else. I personally have never, ever gotten over someone by consciously trying to rid myself of feelings for them. I don't notice the immediate sensation of moving on or having moved on, I only notice it in retrospect. Moving on is something that is defined not by the absence of the past, but by the presence of something new. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fiat500 Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 Hi guys thanks for your replies I appreciate the words of encouragement, 0hpenelope. You make a good point. Exit, I've only avoided contact because he never even called me or could give a f##k less after he dumped me. I contacted him 10 weeks after he dishonorably discharged me over facebook just to get my stuff. He was never going to give them to me if I hadn't. Ever since picking up my belongings I got rid of my facebook and tried to disappear. I did a good job of it, but kept hearing about him through other people anyway. He already went through two girlfriends by the time the spring semester ended this May. The relationship he had with me lasted 9 months and I also knew him as a friend the year before. I was really in love with that piece of **** and cared so much about him. RuinedLife, you're right. It's not so much a long term illness as it is an injury or scar you pick up along the way. I suppose I can live with having sad feelings about him even though I know it doesn't make much sense. thelovingkind, that makes sense. I'm not too eager to date or have the longing for another relationship anytime soon. This whole experience has just put me off to everything. Link to post Share on other sites
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