Thierro Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 (edited) If they are happier without us, that should do just fine. Maybe they’ll meet someone else that will compliment their life. Remember how you got to know them? How you build something together? An amazing privilege and feeling to have. If they meet someone else, the new guy or girl they’ll be with will go through the same wonderful emotions just like you did. It’s someone else’s turn now, be glad for the other person. Don’t blame them. You are not being replaced. They don’t become boy/girlfriend 2.0; they are just different. We grow and learn and we want different things at different times. Edited June 27, 2011 by Thierro Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I don't care if she ends up happy or not. I'm interested in my own happiness now lol. Link to post Share on other sites
RuinedLife Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I love my ex so much, that yes I want him to be happy even if its not with me. And I do think he deserves better than me. But even though I love him that much and want him to be happy no matter what, it doesn't mean that I am happy to let him go. Because I feel so worthless, hopeless, empty, lost and alone without him. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I don't care if she ends up happy or not. I'm interested in my own happiness now lol. Me too Exit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thierro Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 I do believe a more empathetic, understanding and caring attitude towards the actions and reasoning of an ex will eventually make things easier to cope with. Link to post Share on other sites
RuinedLife Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I do believe a more empathetic, understanding and caring attitude towards the actions and reasoning of an ex will eventually make things easier to cope with. I do understand, I do care, but I still feel the rejection, like I'm not good enough, like I failed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thierro Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 I do understand, I do care, but I still feel the rejection, like I'm not good enough, like I failed. I send you a PM. I hope it arrived. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I'm more worried about myself as my ex didn't have severe depression after the breakup. He moved on as if we had never met. I might take that back, I'd get shadenfreude knowing my Ahole ex wasn't happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Karala Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Nope, I readily admit to wanting him to find himself miserable without me. lol. Who cares, it's not like it's gonna affect him in any way. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I don't think anyones happiness should come at the expense of someone else. so I don't care if she is "happy" or not. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I don't care if she ends up happy or not. I'm interested in my own happiness now lol. i'm with exit on this one Link to post Share on other sites
thelovingkind Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I'm still in the mood swingy phase of things, so I'll just write both my thoughts here to save me coming back and changing my answer when I'm feeling different later. 1. Although I'm sad he didn't find happiness with me, I wish him well with someone else 2. I hope misery haunts that f**cker 'til his dying days Link to post Share on other sites
Bito Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 not really. I don't want her to be happy, and she is incapable of being happy anyway so worries there lol Link to post Share on other sites
Renard99 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I'm still in the mood swingy phase of things, so I'll just write both my thoughts here to save me coming back and changing my answer when I'm feeling different later. 1. Although I'm sad he didn't find happiness with me, I wish him well with someone else 2. I hope misery haunts that f**cker 'til his dying days I feel the same with the swinging feelings. I love her enough to want her to be happy. She's not had everything easy in life, she deserves a bit of happiness. Deep down she's just trying to find 'herself' after years as an 'outsider'. If another guy helps her see who she really is then I'm happy for her. But..... At the same time, she's pulled the rug from underneath me, destroying a life that I was perfectly happy with, shattering some dreams and forcing me to put others on hold. The mental pain she put me through (a long with the physical illness that comes with stress) was, and still is, the worst thing I have ever experienced. A part of me really REALLY hopes that Karma comes round to bite her hard. Link to post Share on other sites
replicator Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 I feel as though I could have written the same thing. Maybe it is delusion, but I don't know if someone could ever love her as I did. However, I know I had my faults in the end. Still, it eats me up a little thinking that she will go on to just live her life, as if we never happened. While to me, our relationship meant the world. I've accepted that I have to let it go, but a part of me doesn't want to co-operate. A part of me wants to cherish the memories, but at times, I feel as though they haunt me. I feel the same with the swinging feelings. I love her enough to want her to be happy. She's not had everything easy in life, she deserves a bit of happiness. Deep down she's just trying to find 'herself' after years as an 'outsider'. If another guy helps her see who she really is then I'm happy for her. But..... At the same time, she's pulled the rug from underneath me, destroying a life that I was perfectly happy with, shattering some dreams and forcing me to put others on hold. The mental pain she put me through (a long with the physical illness that comes with stress) was, and still is, the worst thing I have ever experienced. A part of me really REALLY hopes that Karma comes round to bite her hard. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 I don't wish my ex any ill will. I do hope he finds some semblence of happiness someday- but I don't ever see him finding happiness in a relationship. If someone comes along and can actually break through his severe intimacy issues- I don't think that's going to make me feel warm and fuzzy inside or help me to heal. All that's going to tell me is that I wasn't exceptional enough to break down his walls- but someone else was able to do what I couldn't. I don't think that is information that would help me heal in any way. The only thing that is helping me to heal is no contact. I don't want to know that he's found someone else and she's a better fit- I'd just rather not know anything at all and go on blissfully unaware of what he's doing. Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Nah, not really. But it doesn't mean I want him to be sad, either. I won't rejoice in his failings or in his successes. I don't wish good things or bad things to him. He did what he did. As will I. #kanyeshrug Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thierro Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 It’s nice to see how people cope differently here on LS. Like I said before, I try to cultivate a strong, caring and compassionate attitude towards life and everything in it even if things seems ruthless at times. I try to see beyond the actions of certain individuals and see the goodness, reasoning and possible hurt people hide when they do the things they do. A negative feeling only amplifies itself over and over. It’s unhealthy, so I try to stay away from it the best I can. But, like some of you, I still have those mood swings too. I get enraged, but I try to keep calm, because I’ll only turn into a bitter resentful person if I don’t. We have hurt ourselves the most by letting go of healthy boundaries and a rational sense of self and the situation we were in. We got blind sided because our heart, dreams and fantasies fogged up our brains and perception. Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 I don't think anyones happiness should come at the expense of someone else. so I don't care if she is "happy" or not. THAT'S where you should be. I felt that I should be happy for my ex that he found someone else and then I felt anger and wish he was shipped to another planet. Where I am now? Indifference. You shouldn't care if your ex is over the moon or down in the dumps. They left you because they didn't want you in their lives and didn't care if you cared. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thierro Posted June 29, 2011 Author Share Posted June 29, 2011 (edited) THAT'S where you should be. I felt that I should be happy for my ex that he found someone else and then I felt anger and wish he was shipped to another planet. Where I am now? Indifference. You shouldn't care if your ex is over the moon or down in the dumps. They left you because they didn't want you in their lives and didn't care if you cared. I understand. But I wonder if indifference/not caring is the right emotional state to be in. I try to care for people even if I don’t know them. Indifference, to me, in a situation like this, needs a little adjustment to grow from good to better. Edited June 29, 2011 by Thierro Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Seems to be a common thread with a lot of posters here which is: it goes both ways. Yes and no. The man in my situation, he has his flaws, but he is a wonderful man who is very sweet and caring when he's at his best. I don't wish him ill at all. We're all human beings who screw up sometimes. BUT. I swing back and forth between wishing him well and wishing he'd somehow come back. But I don't wish him bad in his relationships or life. I know he's making another girl very happy right now and vice versa. That makes me smile. What they have may be different than what we had, maybe better, but I'm not too keen on knowing details if you know what I mean. Kinda hard to explain... Does it still sting to imagine him all cuddled up with her and telling her all the lovey dovey stuff we used to say? Yes. Do I wish he'd realize what he, what we could've had? Yes. Do I wish we talked a lot more than we do now? Yeah. I still care for him so much and want to know if his life is turning out alright, you know? But if we did talk often and he spoke about his "amazing" girlfriend, I don't know if I could handle that for too long either... Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 After the way my ex acted completely and utterly cruely, I'd be happy to see the Ahole unhappy. Link to post Share on other sites
melenkurion Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Nah, not really. But it doesn't mean I want him to be sad, either. I won't rejoice in his failings or in his successes. I don't wish good things or bad things to him. He did what he did. As will I. #kanyeshrug That's pretty much where I am. I'm OK with that, it's an improvement on being angry. Link to post Share on other sites
RuinedLife Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 I wish I could be indifferent towards my ex. But the truth is I still love him a LOT and if he is happy without me then so be it. I want whats best for him. I know he deserves better than me. The problem is my own self esteem is so low that I don't really want whats best for myself. And I can't imagine myself ever being happy with anyone else. I can only imagine myself loving my ex, unrequited love style, indefinitely. I try to think, "Yes I will be able to find someone else", but I don't really believe that at all. I believe my ex was the best thing that has ever happened to me, probably the best thing that will ever happen to me, and if I'd have been a better person, the girl friend he deserves then we would still be together. I honestly believe this. Link to post Share on other sites
shayla Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 I want him to be hit by a bus. Okay, I know. Link to post Share on other sites
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