jasperlynx Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Im sure everyone has seen this before. I got caught watching porn in my home. (Not in the act) but left evidence on the tube. Not going to make a long story of this. Faithful always to my wife and just needed some help to release..(our sex life isnt that active). She is extremely upset..and cant get over it. she has labled me a perv and it is causing a great deal of pain in our relationship and threatning (one of the main reasons she wants to end the marriage). ....is it really that bad what i did? I'm feeling disgusted in myself. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Your feelings of self loathing are contrived. The problems that you have are problems that you create. Own it man! If you feel justified in watching porn, man up. Don't apologize. Be yourself. The feminization of the male sex, via capitulation to the insane whims of women, is to the detriment of men and women alike. Link to post Share on other sites
OhMittens Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 To me it sounds like she wants/wanted out of the marriage anyways and finds this to be the easiest thing to blame it on. She doesn't want to feel at fault for ending things so she is clinging to whatever she can do to blame it on you rather than to put any of the responsibility on herself and her actions. Link to post Share on other sites
amberdawn723 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I went through this with my husband before we ever married. It was heartbreaking and really distressing for me. I didn't understand at the time that it was really just a physical release. I took it that he was more interested in other prettier women, that he didn't want me, and that he didn't care if it hurt me. I recommend that you acknowledge her feelings and remind her that she is beautiful and that you didn't realize the kind of pain it would cause her. Tell her that you've done it merely to release sexual tension since you aren't having relations very often. Try and focus more on her and let her know (physically) that she is the one you really care for, not the women on the computer. Trust me it has nothing to do with "oh she already wanted to leave". She just feels betrayed and her self esteem has probably deflated. I know, I've been there. It took a LONG time to get over it. I'm talking years before I really forgave him and accepted the fact that he wasn't going to leave me because I didn't look like those girls. Link to post Share on other sites
worldover98 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Hi Jasper: Probably because your marriage situation is tenuous that this porn peeking gets thrown out of context. Amberdawn, Ohmittens, and Shadow all make very valid observations. My wife used to watch 'erotica' with me( I don't call it porn to look at naked women posing or amateur couples doing it!). As our marriage went south because of her libido, after having two kids, she became turned off by naked bodies and touching. Your wife may be going thru the same intimacy issues. If you feel this marriage is salvageable, explain that fantasy is in our minds whether we see a visual on a computer or t.v. screen, or whether we wake up in the morning with a hard-on having had dreamed of giving an oil massage to Holly Berry, Katie Couric , or a Russ Meyers busty film star. We're all adults here and need sexual release like many other needs. Good luck... Link to post Share on other sites
Denillad Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 (edited) As a woman, I think all you can do is reassure that you love her and what this does for you. I love watching porn with my man n it makes me excited but we share the same taste in it. Some feel it's dirty n your are looking at other women. Make an effort to show her your intentions and why you watch it, be honest. I hope she has the ability to understand. Good luck!! Edited June 29, 2011 by Denillad Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 My stbx and I used to watch it together sometimes to get her in the mood. I used to watch it alone when she would turn me down for sex. I always preferred to have sex with her than having to watch porn and take care of myself. Link to post Share on other sites
FeelingSmall Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 I love watching porn with my SO... I will say that it will bug the heck out of me when it's being watched and I'm not getting any. That sucks, especially when I'm home, willing and able. Be prepared for a brawl. Try to include her. Some people are not comfortable with sharing in this, and that's fine. There is no need to feel disgusting because you watch it though. I'm pretty sure you don't have to be reassured that it's normal. There are more "Adult" movies than any other genre, maybe even combined. What does that tell you? Link to post Share on other sites
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