cdt76 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Met a girl a week ago. Totally my type. Hung out with her several times during the week for different activities, one of which was a one on one date night. We seemed to have a great time. She slept over at my place this past Saturday. We kissed and then I backed off and went to sleep. She texted me this morning asking why I didn't put a move on her that night. I said that it seemed she was hesitant and that I didn't want her to think that was all I wanted from her. I asked her if she felt that way towards me, that she did want me sexually. She responded "I am just taking things slow". Is that woman speak for "Lets just be friends?" I'm so confused. On the one hand she wanted me to but then her words say otherwise. I was looking forward to this being the start of a great relationship but now I'm thinking I should go out and keep dating other girls because she is too guarded. I always put too much thought into these things and need help. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 In this context, it doesn't mean she just wants to be friends. It's means she just doesn't want to hop into bed right away. You have, afterall, only had ONE date. Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 In your situation it means, "I thought you had a pair and could tell I wanted to ride you but now I'm not so sure." The good news is you haven't totally blocked yourself. Patience can be a virtue. You made a mistake in asking her if she was sexually attracted to you. If you think she is then she probably is... My advice - agree with her. Respond by saying, "Sounds good. I just don't want to rush into anything, hope you understand." This way, you take the frame back. YOU be the one who is not in a hurry. Which means you should slow the pace of your dates a bit too. Patience pays. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cdt76 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 This way, you take the frame back. YOU be the one who is not in a hurry. Which means you should slow the pace of your dates a bit too. Patience pays. yeah, I totally understand what you mean but I'm not sure how to get the frame back completely as I don't think I ever had it with this girl. Holding back is hard when I come across a girl I like. I'll take your advice. I'll see her once this week and then that will be all. I'm a mental mess when it comes to dating a girl I'm attracted too. Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 She clearly liked you and was attracted to you and hoped you would make a move. By not making a move, in a way you helped yourself. But then by asking her if she was attracted to you, you lowered yourself a little bit. When a woman says something like "let's take it slow" your best bet is to Agree & Amplify. And here you have the chance to steal it back. Remember, all women have the anti-slvt defense mechanism. She probably feels a little embarrassed that she was the "aggressor' and is now backpedaling. So just to reiterate (and with some adjustment) you can say, "I think you're a cool girl and I want to see you again, just don't want to rush into anything." Link to post Share on other sites
rafallus Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 We kissed and then I backed off and went to sleep. She texted me this morning asking why I didn't put a move on her that night. I said that it seemed she was hesitant and that I didn't want her to think that was all I wanted from her. It doesn't work like that. As long as she doesn't actively reject you, you're good to go. Link to post Share on other sites
grkBoy Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I'd agree with samspade...but don't put all your eggs in her basket. Go on a second date, be a gentleman, but if she seems more standoffish or hot & cold, then I would tell you to seek other women until she figures out what she wants...or a better woman with a backbone decides not to play games with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cdt76 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 I'd agree with samspade...but don't put all your eggs in her basket. Go on a second date, be a gentleman, but if she seems more standoffish or hot & cold, then I would tell you to seek other women until she figures out what she wants...or a better woman with a backbone decides not to play games with you. I'm not sure she is playing a game with me. I think something happened in her past that has made her guarded and in some way, the situation has not been as neat as it could have been for that moment to put the moves on her. I don't like to date multiple women at one time, not to mention just don't have that kind of draw power. I think I'm going to open up and look for other girls to date. I'm pretty good at knowing when someone is into me and just don't get that from this girl. I haven't sent any texts since that short conversation this morning. I guess I'll let her make the next move. Link to post Share on other sites
grkBoy Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 In all honesty, I don't think she's playing games either. Maybe at that moment she saw the whole thing as a wild night without inhibitions, but then saw you see more in her than just warm flesh...thus she wants to slow down and try "more". My advice to not put all your eggs in her basket only comes from my past experiences of women wanting to take it slow like that when they started off hot and heavy...but the reality is they wanted to see if there was a "bigger better deal" out there. Pretty much all the time the girl ended up suddenly "vanishing" and then I see her with a new guy she's calling "boyfriend". Take a chance, see where this goes, but protect yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelsgoodman Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Met a girl a week ago. Totally my type. Hung out with her several times during the week for different activities, one of which was a one on one date night. We seemed to have a great time. She slept over at my place this past Saturday. We kissed and then I backed off and went to sleep. She texted me this morning asking why I didn't put a move on her that night. I said that it seemed she was hesitant and that I didn't want her to think that was all I wanted from her. I asked her if she felt that way towards me, that she did want me sexually. She responded "I am just taking things slow". Is that woman speak for "Lets just be friends?" I'm so confused. On the one hand she wanted me to but then her words say otherwise. I was looking forward to this being the start of a great relationship but now I'm thinking I should go out and keep dating other girls because she is too guarded. I always put too much thought into these things and need help. It means that she wants to sleep with you but is not interested in a serious relationship. If you were in the same bed and kissing, why on earth would you conclude that she was a bit "hesitant"? Seems rather counter-intuitive, unless you are omitting some important detail. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cdt76 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 It means that she wants to sleep with you but is not interested in a serious relationship. If you were in the same bed and kissing, why on earth would you conclude that she was a bit "hesitant"? Seems rather counter-intuitive, unless you are omitting some important detail. No details were omitted but when you are kissing someone you get a feeling if they want more. She wasn't doing anything to make me think I should take her clothes off. Just because a girl sleeps in my bed does not mean she wants to have sex. That's just neandrothol thinking and I'd like to be the guy who doesn't just want to bump uglies with her. Maybe there is a better deal out there than me. I'm not perfect nor am I rich but I won't be one of those guys that craps on her just for her body. If she doesn't have the mental connection or spark, so be it. I'm inclined to think that, after some posts here, she was saving face and was wanting me. I still think I did the right thing by stopping. And now I think by slowing down, and not continueing down the path I was on with her, things are now changed. I'm not sure the dynamic is still the same. Link to post Share on other sites
shanemike88 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 In your situation it means, "I thought you had a pair and could tell I wanted to ride you but now I'm not so sure." My advice - agree with her. Respond by saying, "Sounds good. I just don't want to rush into anything, hope you understand." This way, you take the frame back. YOU be the one who is not in a hurry. Which means you should slow the pace of your dates a bit too. Patience pays. 100% correct. I've been dating a girl for about a month now who threw me a complete curveball a couple weeks ago by dropping maybe we should just be friends line. I said ok sure no problem we didn't talk for two days then she called me and have been fine ever since. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cdt76 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 100% correct. I've been dating a girl for about a month now who threw me a complete curveball a couple weeks ago by dropping maybe we should just be friends line. I said ok sure no problem we didn't talk for two days then she called me and have been fine ever since. So what causes women to do this crap?!! I don't understand? So I'm assuming then you mean don't text her, call or or contact her until she contacts me? Unsure as to how to proceed. Link to post Share on other sites
shanemike88 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I just went two days without talking to her. I figured id treat her like a friend and I don't talk to all my friends every single day and since it was her decision to be friends I figured if she wanted to see or talk to me she would call. I think women get scared especially if they just met a guy. I wouldn't be rude if you feel like talking to her call her but if I were you id call her bluff and just keep busy for a few days...she'll call and if she doesn't onto the next. Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 She clearly liked you and was attracted to you and hoped you would make a move. By not making a move, in a way you helped yourself. But then by asking her if she was attracted to you, you lowered yourself a little bit. When a woman says something like "let's take it slow" your best bet is to Agree & Amplify. And here you have the chance to steal it back. Remember, all women have the anti-slvt defense mechanism. She probably feels a little embarrassed that she was the "aggressor' and is now backpedaling. So just to reiterate (and with some adjustment) you can say, "I think you're a cool girl and I want to see you again, just don't want to rush into anything." Sam, you can GET IT!! lol...just playing I agree with you 100%. I love when a man takes his time sexually getting to know me. It is a huge turn on! I like him to be sweet, spending time with me, touch me but overly touch, and be geniuinely interested in me. IF he can do that for a while, I am ripping my clothes off trying to give it to him. I really dislike when a man wont take it slow there. I want to feel like I know you a little bit and comfortable and also that you are no just trying to get my sweet honey between my legs. The sexual build up is amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I'm not sure she is playing a game with me. I think something happened in her past that has made her guarded and in some way, the situation has not been as neat as it could have been for that moment to put the moves on her. I don't like to date multiple women at one time, not to mention just don't have that kind of draw power. I think I'm going to open up and look for other girls to date. I'm pretty good at knowing when someone is into me and just don't get that from this girl. I haven't sent any texts since that short conversation this morning. I guess I'll let her make the next move. I dont think you should lay in bed with a man you are dating if you are not planning on giving it up...but thats just me. In the beginning, that is too much pressure on both of you. If I am dating a guy and I am not ready to give it up, there is no way Im going to share a bed with him. ESPECIALLY if I like him and he is turning me on and Im not ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cdt76 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 she's a brat to me. watch out. What makes you think this? Link to post Share on other sites
rafallus Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I agree she's trying to save face - she took a risk getting open for sex, it didn't happen and now she doesn't want to be seen as some kind of slut, just because she wants sex (thank you, judgemental guys, for such ridiculous notions). Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I think she's interested in you. When you asked her if she wanted you to make a move, she was hardly going to say "Yes, I'm easy and waiting for you to make a move" is she? She's probably trying to guage what kind of guy you are. So far you've been respectful and I admire that. She was probably wondering whether you liked her 'in that way' or not. If you can reassure her you do, then you can both take it slowly and build things up bit by bit until you both know what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 No details were omitted but when you are kissing someone you get a feeling if they want more. She wasn't doing anything to make me think I should take her clothes off. Just because a girl sleeps in my bed does not mean she wants to have sex. That's just neandrothol thinking and I'd like to be the guy who doesn't just want to bump uglies with her. Maybe there is a better deal out there than me. I'm not perfect nor am I rich but I won't be one of those guys that craps on her just for her body. If she doesn't have the mental connection or spark, so be it. I'm inclined to think that, after some posts here, she was saving face and was wanting me. I still think I did the right thing by stopping. And now I think by slowing down, and not continueing down the path I was on with her, things are now changed. I'm not sure the dynamic is still the same. Well, if she's at my house in my fricken bed I assume she wants sex. If she doesn't, well there is always the couch. I don't sleep with women unless i'm sleeping with them. Otherwise I wind up in the friendzone. Made that mistake far too many times. Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Well, if she's at my house in my fricken bed I assume she wants sex. If she doesn't, well there is always the couch. I don't sleep with women unless i'm sleeping with them. Otherwise I wind up in the friendzone. Made that mistake far too many times. Yeah! exactly, if you get in the bed....You in the red!!! Stay out that bed if you dont want to give up the booty. Link to post Share on other sites
alexlakeman Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 You blew it; now you might be in the "friend zone"... Keep an eye for her post later on right here "guy wouldn't f)ck me while in bed; wtf is wrong with him??" lol... Bring her back and bang her so she won't forget... Women have "gray" areas; even though they might be hesitant or say no, it very likely could mean yes.. BE CAREFUL, sometimes NO means no, lol Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 A women isn't going to be in your bed unless she wants to sleep with you. As long as she willingly walked to your bed. I am not saying girls won't say different, " I am not that type of girl", " I want to take things slow" - NO!, you could take things slow on the couch. (this may be different for someone who you may have been dating for a while but not on a first date) She wanted to bang you - hence the bed. Hence her asking. You blow that chance. She is saving her own face by saying she wants to take things slow. Which is bull, since you could have and would have been allowed to be in, between and and around her, lol. She doesn't want to come across as loose. She have officially been FRIEND ZONED you, She is going to tell you she wants to take things slow. Then if are still tall king to her - it will never lead to anything sexual. A bunch of measly "FRIEND ZONED" outings. While she finds someone who can be in, between and around her. Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 If she friend zoned him for not sleeping with him in the first week, then he dodged a bullet. That's dangerous behavior. He may not feel that way now or this year, but he will when he's older. I was only kidding with the whole "Friend Zone" dynamic. However unless she is truly insecure, that is the only valid excuse for her comments. If she can't understand that someone likes her enough to have her in their bed and not have sex. I agree - he dodged a massive bullet. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 I just don't think she is that experienced and relaxed that's all. There is a lot of overreaction on this thread. Girls are taught from an early age that men only want one thing and if they don't throw you on the bed and have their wicked ways with you, they don't fancy you. As a woman gets older, she learns that sexuality is more subtle than that. She hasn't learnt that yet. Link to post Share on other sites
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