Arabess Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 We have a lot of posts about people who are as upset over THE WAY someone broke up with them as they are about the break up period. Over phones, emails, no closure....etc. During your most painful break up....what could that person have done which would have left you feeling any better? Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 told me what the problem was....is it him? well then what was his problem? if it was me, what did i do? i hate not having closure! and also that whole destruction of personal property...that has to go! Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Originally posted by tattoomytoe ......and also that whole destruction of personal property...that has to go! Amen to that!!!! Fortunately (if you can call it that) for me, Mr. Ex was clueless about computers. He thought bashing the monitor in with a hammer would render the thing totally useless!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 No matter what, the end result is the same. That person no longer wishes to be with you anymore. No matter which method they choose to do it with isn't going to change this. For this reason, I wonder if people tend to focus on the way they were dumped instead of focussing on the fact that it's just o-v-e-r. It only prevents them from getting over it and moving on with their lives. I have only been dumped one time, and I never really cared that he did it over the phone, because the end result was that he dumped me, period. I never thought about how he dumped me, just the fact that he did in fact dumped me. Link to post Share on other sites
MarKus Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Probably nothing would make me feel any better.....but breaking up in person and telling you why they broke up......would make me respect them that little bit more....even though it would be so hard for the dumpee....doing it in person is a very difficult thing to do for most people to do, even though that is the best way to go....so they do it by text, phone etc......it has happened to me before....one of my ex's girlfriends who i was with for 7 months broke up with me via text message.....and just i couldnt believe it....it was an awful thing to experience Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabess Posted April 20, 2004 Author Share Posted April 20, 2004 Originally posted by reasontosigh Mr. Ex was clueless about computers. He thought bashing the monitor in with a hammer would render the thing totally useless!!! THAT should be in a movie somewhere. It's hilarious! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabess Posted April 20, 2004 Author Share Posted April 20, 2004 I would RATHER someone do it by email or on the phone than in person. I agree with Feds.....what can they possibly say to make it better?? Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 they could say "well the way you eat the toppings all off your pizza then eat the crust..well that really disgusts me" "so i want to end it" at least that would give me feed back on something that someone does not like....not that i would stop, because that is jusyt how i eat pizza, i would just find someone that accepts that. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHeavens Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 So.... Having been dumped recently myself...I'd say...if you don't have the courage to dump me in person, when you've had the courage to do all these other things to/with me in person, you have no business being in a relationship. It's too easy to call/email/text and just walk away not understanding how the other person feels. And I do think it takes courage to face that. Welcome to being a real adult responsible human... Every time I have decided to break up with someone I have done it in person and tried to be as honest about the reasons as possible. I'd expect the same courtesy from others but then at that point I suppose they don't care what I'd expect! :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabess Posted April 20, 2004 Author Share Posted April 20, 2004 Originally posted by tattoomytoe i would just find someone that accepts that. I'm more of a 'F-U if you don't like the way I fart' person too. A lot of people don't seem to be though. They are constantly changing and reinventing themselves to get the person back. No matter WHAT that the dumper says....they aren't going to be able to get rid of the dumpee. The point being, how many people say "If he/she would just TALK to me!!"? What do they want to hear to understand it's OVER! They drive themselves to agony for no reason. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Lol yes that's the kind of feedback you can't live without, tattoo! It is important to know why, otherwise people imagine all sorts of negative things about themselves. Sometimes, even if you do everything you can - it's not enough. I didn't give someone my address when I moved house because he needed to NOT be in contact with me. I still feel guilty about it. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Rejection is never easy. One's ego gets nicked, or worse. I've been dumped by the best and, for the life of me, I don't see how the bad news could have been better packaged. Just tell me it's over. I don't want to know all the details as to why. That's too ego-insulting. I don't want to hear, for example, that she finds me unattractive, a bad kisser, hung like a peanut, boring or just blah. To play the mating game well, one needs one's illusions. You're only as good as your fictions. Tell me it's over, but never go into excruciatingly painful detail why. There's nothing anyone can tell me in a break-up that would make me feel better. On the other hand, there's alot she could say that would make me feel much, much worse. Ah, love... Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 He thought bashing the monitor in with a hammer would render the thing totally useless!!! Clueless Meanon would have made the same mistake Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 I see what you mean, zara Maybe sometimes it's worse knowing why. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Zara furthered my thoughts on the matter. Very well said. Your ego has been shattered enough as it is, why add insult to injury with knowing all the details. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 I must emphasize that I was only speaking hypothetically when I gave my list of break-up reasons. Of course, no woman who has ever rejected me gave me any of the reasons I listed. <cough, ahem> It was always, you know, "you're too smart for me," too handsome", "too sexy." The usual reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 well yeah i do not want to know my boobs are a little uneven...like i do not know that. but if it was because i kissed some other guy while we together. then yeah. but i really do not expect someone who is breaking up with me to say constructive things....why would you want to do that ! F*ck them, i am way better off with out them anyways. but the only "break ups" i have had were just guys i was seeing and it was not anything serious, and he would start calling more infrequently, or i would stop calling altogether. but i at least want to know i am not on the call list somehow...otherwise i will think that they are dead or something. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Just talking things thru, not necessarily talking them out, but getting everything off your chest, getting all questions asked and answered, that would've made my break up better. Next time I break up with a girl, I'm gonna say to her, "How many people here are in a relationship, raise your hand? Not so fast, sweetheart..." Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Originally posted by UCFKevin Just talking things thru, not necessarily talking them out, but getting everything off your chest, getting all questions asked and answered, that would've made my break up better. Next time I break up with a girl, I'm gonna say to her, "How many people here are in a relationship, raise your hand? Not so fast, sweetheart..." Now that's just cruel, Kevin! Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Originally posted by Arabess THAT should be in a movie somewhere. It's hilarious! I'm just waiting till Jack Black has a free moment! Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Of course, no woman who has ever rejected me gave me any of the reasons I listed Yeah, Yeah - the cat's out of the bag now Zara. I'm already taking bets on which one is true Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Originally posted by zarathustra .....It was always, you know, "you're too smart for me," too handsome", "too sexy." The usual reasons. Amazing what some women can't handle, huh!? Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Yeah, Yeah - the cat's out of the bag now Zara. I'm already taking bets on which one is true Damn! Where are the mods when you REALLY need them?! Delete my posts, please. <on knees, pleading> Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 i think it's more about the things NOT to do when breaking up. like not mentioning that someone else is in the picture (even if there is). not enjoying the sight of their pain, flattering as it may be. just explaining that the R/S isn't working, nothing's WRONG with either person - it's just not working. and of course no silly rumours, propetry damaging, etc. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Amazing what some women can't handle, huh!? A guy can always dream... Link to post Share on other sites
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