prima donna groom

[tfkizzle]

I know that there is no solution except to "talk about it", which we do, and it still keeps coming up, so I'm just venting so that I can keep smiling and avoid a freak out in real life.

 

My fiance is being such a prima donna about our wedding.

 

I see our wedding as being about us as a couple, and the reception is for us to celebrate with our family and friends. He doesn't even care about the honeymoon, which is possibly what I am most excited about, because for the first time in our entire dating history we will be ALONE together.

 

He sees the wedding as a reason to have 10,000 parties that are all about him winning the Most Popular award. The first battle we had was over the guest list. He wanted to invite "best friends" that he hasn't seen or spoken to in 3 years, people whose last names he didn't know, whose spouses he didn't know the name of, and friends of friends that he has only met a handful of times. Finally got that under control.

 

So then he decides that we have to invite EVERYONE (wedding guests AND people who didn't make the cut) to our engagement party my parents are hosting for us. I said no (it's rude). So now he wants my parents to have an engagement party, AND one of his family members, and one of his friends (who both volunteered). We really don't need 3 engagement parties, but he thinks it's great.

 

Since I said no to the 500 person guest list and the engagement party including every single person he's ever met, he wants to have a cocktail reception for all the people he had to cut from his guest list, plus anyone who doesn't come to the wedding.

 

His bachelor party currently involves 50 people, and counting.

 

His latest thing is that he wants to invite all the out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner. When I said that I preferred to have a smaller dinner he said that he at least wants to invite another 10 people to the rehearsal dinner who have nothing to do with the wedding ceremony. I said if you invite those extra people, you have to invite everyone, and I think it's silly for his parents to spend as much money on the rehearsal dinner as my parents are spending on the reception. Besides which, I would LOVE to have just ONE thing be about us and our closest friends and family. He got soooo mad at me, so I just told him he can work it out with his parents, I'm not having anything to do with the rehearsal dinner planning.

 

When we were choosing the reception site, the only thing he cared about was whether the bars were within walking distance, as he wants to go bar hopping after the rehearsal dinner, and wants to have an after party at a bar after the reception.

 

I feel like he's missing the entire point of the wedding, and I'm starting to wonder if he's going to spend the entire reception partying with his friends and treating it like a night out bar hopping, instead of as a celebration about US getting married.

 

It's fine that he wants to "celebrate" with his friends (though I'm not sure what it is exactly that they're celebrating), but I don't understand why every single tiny little thing has to be an opportunity for him to have a party where he is the center of attention.

 

Now that I've typed this all out, maybe I have one more idea on how to try to talk to him about this.

[Tayla]

woahh sunshine, that is less then realistic in this economic state we are in. Is he paying for all this? Then by all means let him have his day in the sun. Otherwise tell him to chill and let the cards fall where they may. He is not going to make it thru the vows of love honor and cherish if all he is loving is the attention. I would have serious second thoughts on wedding this type of person. They lack the ability to regard the partner and see the entire reason for the wedding.

 

Get a chalk board and write out the fair amount of attendees , and let him know that the rehearsal is for the wedding party members as an appreciation for their attendence and all the hard work they placed into making your day special. YOur day is the wedding day itself.

[tfkizzle]

I think that he is a very social person and hates to exclude anyone, for any reason.

 

As far as the rehearsal dinner, I am trying to keep in mind that it's not this one thing that I feel strongly about, so much as his general attitude, and having to constantly battle him over guest lists and the proper wedding etiquette. If this were the one and only time this has come up, I would say "fine, if your parents want to pay for, ask them, I don't care."

 

Since if this was the only thing I would say go ahead, I went ahead and emailed his mother about the dinner. She keeps trying to get me to plan the rehearsal dinner (find the location, prices, guests, etc.), which is why this came up in the first place. So I sent her an email with the number of guests that I thought should be invited (family and wedding party) to the dinner, then told her that her son wanted to invite everyone from out of town to the dinner (at least half the guest list), but since she was hosting I would let her and him discuss that and plan the dinner. So I've washed my hands of that particular thing.

[quankanne]

ah ... my answer would have been "honey, we do things by the book ... the bachelor party is all yours, so invite whomever you want. Otherwise, we're keeping it simple. Period."

 

sounds beetchy, but is meant to give you some restraint over events that could easily get out of hand!

[tigressA]

So, first the issues with your finances...and now this. Why, exactly, are you marrying this man? Like Tayla said, I'd have some second thoughts.

 

To answer the OP, I agree with Quankanne. Let him go crazy with his bachelor party, but insist on keeping everything else simple. He and his parents aren't the only people paying for all this. He should realize that.

[heartshaped]

Your fiance doesn't sound mature enough to be getting married. Obviously, he wants to use your wedding as an excuse to have, as you put it, 10,000 parties. It seems the whole idea behind a wedding [making a lifetime commitment to someone] has escaped him. I'm not sure if this is his [immature] behavior on this that the two of you need to get married. He seems to have no concern for the cost of any of this or the significance behind the day or even any excitement about being alone with you or your honeymoon. Don't expect a leopard to change his spots either just because you are married to said leopard.