Lonesomedove Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 [sIZE=6][/sIZE] i think my husband has stopped loving me and is to afraid to leave me. he told me he fantasized about asian woman and so i asked him and to be honest do you fantasize about your co worker (who is asian)? he said yes he does but that doesn't mean he wants to have sex its just a fantasy. i was so upset inside but i left it alone because i am trying my hardest to get him to be honest and open with me. if i jumped down his throat he will back off again and never tell me anything. i didn't tell his co worker this tho but i did make sure she knew i think he likes her and i think he wants to be more than just friends with her. He showers daily and he never used to, he texts her at work and at home and they sit right next to each other. i see how happy he is with her and it just looks to me as though he likes her more than friends. she assured me that she is not like that and doesn't want him in that way and that she feels awkward at work now cause i told her that but i told her not to and she is ok now. she is trying to help me but because we have trouble at home and he makes her happy and they get along so well i feel he wants more. He told me (but i just have a gut feeling and think he is lying to me so he doesn't hurt me or make me nag or moan) he told me that he only likes her as Friend and doesn't want more than that cause he doesn't want to ruin his relationship with her as a friend and besides he said she doesn't want me in that way right cause she told you? its like he was trying to find out if she likes him in a sneaky way. i know he lies to get out of trouble but i love him and stuck in what to do. i don't want to leave thinking we could have worked if i just stopped being so jealous and insecure. but i also hate how he makes me feel, im always worried and insecure about us. he stopped loving me as much and stopped showing affection and with all the stuff i see and how he acts and what he tells me. im so lost whether to leave or stay. i so badly want to be with him but don't want to be unhappy either. he really tries to reassure me that nothing is going on with him and his co worker. but just how he is with her and acts lately. he doesn't want to see a counsellor he doesn't like to talk to strangers. he gets mad when i have talks to him about my feelings and stuff so i don't know how a woman should react to this kind of news. some people are ok with it. he works so close to her like right in front of her 1 foot away and they text and have sexual humour. He seems more happier with her cause they don't have stress at work or talks its just work and fun and he thinks she is attractive. the female co worker does not think of him in that way, she states they are just friends and no more. yes she thinks he is attractive but has assured me she doesn't want anything more than friends. she feels awkward after i told her i think he likes her more than me. i want to tell him i want to leave because i cant handle all this crap and how close he is to her whether he wants to date her or not but im afraid. they have not much in common and im very good wife, im a gamer and cook well and open and blunt Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 When did you see her so you were able to confront her about this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonesomedove Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 i see her everyday after work. cause my husband drives me home and they work in small office up the rd from me. I first added her to facebook cause my husband added her and to ease my mind i wanted to get to know her and my husband was taking forever to introduce me. we messaged each other for 3 weeks then finally met up. now we are friends. im not sure if thats a good thing or a bad. she assures me nothing will ever happen between them cause she doesnt think of him that way. Her family only wants her to date chinese men my man is english. i have lost faith in my husband and dont feel the same once he told me this but at least he was honest as i asked. since we are having marital problems and him being so close to her and finding her attractive and fantasising about her makes me upset and worry. im sick of worrying about him leaving me all the time. his actions in 3 years have made me so insecure and wonder about us. even though he says he only wants me i see differently. Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 i see her everyday after work. cause my husband drives me home and they work in small office up the rd from me. I first added her to facebook cause my husband added her and to ease my mind i wanted to get to know her and my husband was taking forever to introduce me. we messaged each other for 3 weeks then finally met up. now we are friends. im not sure if thats a good thing or a bad. she assures me nothing will ever happen between them cause she doesnt think of him that way. Her family only wants her to date chinese men my man is english. i have lost faith in my husband and dont feel the same once he told me this but at least he was honest as i asked. since we are having marital problems and him being so close to her and finding her attractive and fantasising about her makes me upset and worry. im sick of worrying about him leaving me all the time. his actions in 3 years have made me so insecure and wonder about us. even though he says he only wants me i see differently. Honey - you need some boundaries and more importantly - if your husband wants things to work out - he has to agree to them or at least come up with a solution that the two of you are genuinely OK with. He can't be texting her and talking to her outside of work. Based on what he has told you about him fantasizing about her - it is completely inappropriate. He's playing with fire. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonesomedove Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 he has told me he is friends with her and thats it. He has no friends really cause he finds it hard to talk to people. They get along so well and im glad he has a friend but im jealous that he likes her more cause there is no stress or problems like we have at home its just fun and work related issues. I know he finds her attractive thats another no no for me cause im insecure as is. He thinks im over reacting or being to jealous not sure what i can do. i have tried talking he thinks of it as nagging and he is not at all helpful. he goes quiet or mad or upset. then i feel worse cause im telling him how i feel and what he is doing to me and it does nothing but make him feel insecure and upset and then i feel crap for bringing it up. i just want to be happy... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Does the Asian lady have a boyfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonesomedove Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 no the co worker is single. but says she will not date people she works with. she also is sort of a man hater in the resects to very picky on what she wants from a man. she knows my man is moody, childish, and selfish sometimes and knows all the problems we have and she is trying to help us to be happy. she told me to get pregnant to keep my man and make him more responsible. so in a way i doubt she wants him. i have the problem with him fantasising about her and finding her attractive. i really dont know if he wants her more than i friend but im assuming with the way he acts with her and is more nice to her. he alwys making sure he smells good and looks good. i hate not knowing what he truly feels about us and me. he also said if he didnt want me or is not happy he would leave. but he wants to be with me. He just doesnt show it and i acnt talk to him cause he hard to talk to Link to post Share on other sites
keepsmilin74 Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Hi Lonesomedove, sorry you have to put up with that so far. I think you definitely do NOT have to put up with it any longer! These are a couple of links you should get your husband to read: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8119_friends.html http://www.cheatingways.com/just-friends-not-likely-an-emotional-affair/ I've also ordered His Needs Her Needs: http://www.amazon.com/His-Needs-Her-Building-Affair-Proof/dp/0800719387/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1309315349&sr=1-1 it is recommended in just about every second thread in LS lol you might want to get on it too Goodluck!! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts