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Hurt and and in need of some answers


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Jaykay 1812

Hey all. Quick precis of the situation. Found out 6 weeks ago that my husband had been having an affair for 6 or 7 years that ended about a year ago. After the initial total meltdown, I have decided to stay in the marraige and see if we can still make a go of it. We have been married for nearly 25 years and I don't want to throw that away and we are and always have been good friends and companions.

So, although things are better today than they were 6 weeks ago, there are some things that just keep coming up and I don't know if I can ever get over. Do I see if time will heal things or am I just prevaricating 'cos I'm scared? The things that worry me are : How do I compete with the other woman in bed ( she's younger, skinnier etc ). I don't know how I'm ever going to feel comfortable having sex with him if I feel he's judging me all the time and even if he isn't how do I believe that?

And the second thing is, I found out about the affair because the husband of the o/w sent me copies of e-mails they sent to each other. My husband was mean about me, laughing at me. How do I get over that? He says he did it because the o/w did and it was kind of expected of him.

Would love to hear thoughts of people who have had this experience and are a bit further along the road than I am.

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Realitycheck1

You are still in shock, and I know you will not believe this, or simply not want to believe it...but you don't really know the man you are married to. Even more disturbing than his long affair with a married woman is the fact that he belittled you in front of her. His excuse is nonsense. What he wrote to his mistress is what he really feels.

 

He may have been a terrific guy when you first got married, but sometimes time changes people radically. I can almost guarantee you 100% that your marriage will end, the only question is if you are going to take control of the situation or simply continue deluding yourself until he finally walks out.

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I read your post and just want to say I'm sorry to hear this! I can't offer much advice cause I haven't been there yet but I can only imagine how this must feel. It makes me angry that another women would sleep with your husband. If women would have respect for one another this wouldn't happen. They are both wrong of course but women use to have more morals. I am a bit younger and I'd never sleep with another mans wife out of pure respect for her if nothing else. I wish you the best.

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My husband always tell me that men cheat for sex usually but not for an emotional connection. I don't know if this is true in your case but it sounds like it if the two of you have a great friendship.

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