Sweetcherry Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Hi all, I'm new to this whole forum thing so please excuse me if i dont use the lingo. I've been married to my Husband for 2 1/2 yrs, been together 5 and have 2 children under 3. Throughout our whole relationship he has been 'chatting up' other woman. Via Text, internet, dating websites etc. Ive called him out on a few times, but he gets defensive, blames me and leaves and we never get it resolved. I've had a chat with his dad, which my husband has had a very troubled childhood, who said that i need to go around the issue and come in the back way before he realises we are dealing with the issue. I have no idea how to go around the issue of him texting and chatting to other women. He has cheated before and we have been separated. I have also kissed another man while this troubled time of separation occured. Can someone please help me with this going around the issue thing so i can get this **** sorted once and for all and we can actually talk about it without him saying its ok i love you or making up excuses. Link to post Share on other sites
Finch Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I'm not sure what his father might mean by the idea of 'going around the issue'. Does he mean you should try to "trick" your husband into talking about an issue that clearly needs to be confronted? I'm not sure that that would even work. Your husband texts other women and uses dating sites. He's cheated on you, and you have been separated in the past. You have also kissed another man, and your husband had a troubled childhood that his father thinks he may still be dealing with. You are dealing with multiple problems. It sounds like you would both greatly benefit from some couples and even individual therapy. You are married adults and you have two children together. If you cannot communicate in an open and honest way then it's highly unlikely that your relationship is going to improve. Skirting and dancing around the problem won't help. Your husband needs to understand that his behaviour is unacceptable in a marriage. If he refuses to acknowledge that his actions are directly leading to problems, you then need to decide whether it's worth enduring these things for the sake of keeping the marriage together. Keep in mind how your children are and will be affected by all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Ive called him out on a few times, but he gets defensive, blames me and leaves and we never get it resolved. He obviously has no intention of stopping his inappropriate behaviour. He is a cheater and is disrespecting you and your marriage. If he will not discuss it then you obviously have major communication problems with your marriage. Tell him that if he does not stop his cheating and go to marriage counselling then you will have no option but to file for divorce. If he refuses to discuss it or blames you or says anything other than "I am sorry I will do whatever it takes to fix our marriage", then go ahead and see a lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Wow. He's cheated on you and been in inappropriate contact with other women throughout your entire relationship. Why in the world did you marry this guy??? And you seem to be under the impression that someday he's going to wise up & change for you now? Why should he when you've shown him that he can basically do whatever he wants and you'll keep taking him back? You don't need to "go around" the issue of him texting & chatting with other women, you need to tell him straight up that it is NOT ok and needs to stop. I doubt he will stop though, he has no respect for you or your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
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