pinklemon Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 (edited) I met this guy who i warned to stay away from.. He had been with alot of girls and apparently isnt a nice guy. AKA PLAYER but At that point i didnt really care because i thought i would have the ability to be strong enough to stay away. Ive been out with him twice but got drunk ..and as the night went on things continued and i ended up staying over and things happened that i wish never did. the next day We ended up laying in bed all day talking.. I told him what i was warned about and he defended himself like any guy would. BUT I gave in and broke all my morals and vaules to the guy i was warned about. I texted him when i got home and told him that i like him a little more than i should. and he replied with something like " i like you too but lets just see where this goes" Im lost. do i pursue things with him even though ive been warned.. or is the damage already done? he could be with other girls for all i know and i dont want to seem needy by asking him anymore questions regarding a relationship. usually we dont text to much so i dont really know where to go from here? im not about to be a booty call Edited June 27, 2011 by pinklemon Link to post Share on other sites
mhm407 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 (edited) I'm guessing I'm older than you--I'm 27. And in my experience, players never change! Men who have the constant uncontrollable urge to be with a bunch of different women are normally that way for life. If it's possible that the rumors about him have been exaggerated though, and you want to take a chance with him...your next move is, well, not to make a move at all. It almost *never* works in the long run when the girl is the one to pursue the guy. This is the case for almost all guys, let alone the ones who are *extra* into the 'conquest' (which all guys are to some extent). He said 'let's wait and see'; you have to take his advice if you're going to have any chance of things developing further between you two. He knows you like him, so the ball is in his court. Edited June 28, 2011 by mhm407 Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Im lost. do i pursue things with him even though ive been warned.. or is the damage already done? he could be with other girls for all i know and i dont want to seem needy by asking him anymore questions regarding a relationship. usually we dont text to much so i dont really know where to go from here? im not about to be a booty call I've seen countless retarded women batter their hearts against my cousin. The kid is a really nice guy, but I don't think he will ever be able to just stick with one woman... he is like a fat guy at a buffet. Ultimately it's your call. You need to figure out what the guy is all about before you go further with him. That requires you be smart... which it sounds like you are struggling with... so... I'd say No Go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pinklemon Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 so if im leaving the ball in his court... i should simply stop intiating conversations with him and allow him to do this on his own? or simply stop txting him all together? he started texting me today but from the vibes im getting he seems to be alot different, maybe even a way to describe the tension i feel is like a forced conversation (?) I just really wanna believe he is a good guy but i think that by confessing my feelings after the way he cared for me so much during the night made me speak my mind too soon.. potentially scaring him off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pinklemon Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 i try and see the good in people. but obviously im learning time and time again that i shouldnt give people the benefit of the doubt Link to post Share on other sites
mhm407 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Yes, stop initiating conversations with him. If he contacts you first, always respond, and keep it upbeat and light. Don't bring up sleeping together, dating him, or your feelings for him, or his feelings for you. Confessing your feelings too soon is often a mistake, but a lot of times it can be fixed by the way you carry yourself afterwards! Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 I just really wanna believe he is a good guy but i think that by confessing my feelings after the way he cared for me so much during the night made me speak my mind too soon.. potentially scaring him off. But you kind of knew he wasn't a good guy. Players are good at making women feel special. It's not surprising you feel the way you do. You didn't scare him off. It sounds like he had no intentions of sticking around. If a guy's interested, he'll make it clear. Don't contact him. I speak from experience. I tend to think people have each other's best interests in mind and this isn't the case at all. Live and learn. You'll be less susceptible when the next player comes along. Link to post Share on other sites
NicoleM Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Players never change!! Take it from someone who dated one okay?? If you continue to date him you will only get hurt but hey it's your decision. Link to post Share on other sites
utterer of lies Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Players never change!! Take it from someone who dated one okay?? If you continue to date him you will only get hurt but hey it's your decision. She knows its wrong and she will still continue. Its natural. Maybe she will learn something when she comes back here in a few weeks, hurting and suffering. Lets hope she at least knows how to protect herself from STDs. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Stick with him and see where it goes. You need to experience it to believe it. Only this way you can learn not to make the same mistake in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
mogul Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 You made a mistake when you told him you "liked him more than you should". Best thing you can do is to honestly not do a thing. Don't seem eager when you talk to him or if he texts, don't respond right away. He responded with "I like you too, but lets see where this goes" to be nice. When I say something like that, it is to not make myself look like a jerk and give the girl a fair warning. To not have high expectations of anything more. If you were to see him again, you really have to try and stand out. Get his attention, build a connection and keep him guessing. Throw him off his usual routine. Being aloof and don't chase is the best way to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Chicago_Guy Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 I met this guy who i warned to stay away from.. He had been with alot of girls and apparently isnt a nice guy. AKA PLAYER but At that point i didnt really care because i thought i would have the ability to be strong enough to stay away. Ive been out with him twice but got drunk ..and as the night went on things continued and i ended up staying over and things happened that i wish never did. the next day We ended up laying in bed all day talking.. I told him what i was warned about and he defended himself like any guy would. BUT I gave in and broke all my morals and vaules to the guy i was warned about. I texted him when i got home and told him that i like him a little more than i should. and he replied with something like " i like you too but lets just see where this goes" Im lost. do i pursue things with him even though ive been warned.. or is the damage already done? he could be with other girls for all i know and i dont want to seem needy by asking him anymore questions regarding a relationship. usually we dont text to much so i dont really know where to go from here? im not about to be a booty call Even if you won't admit it, I bet you went out with him in the first place because you knew he was a well-known player. He probably won't change for you unless he is ready to get married now. Link to post Share on other sites
Chicago_Guy Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 But you kind of knew he wasn't a good guy. Players are good at making women feel special. It's not surprising you feel the way you do. You didn't scare him off. It sounds like he had no intentions of sticking around. If a guy's interested, he'll make it clear. Don't contact him. I speak from experience. I tend to think people have each other's best interests in mind and this isn't the case at all. Live and learn. You'll be less susceptible when the next player comes along. How can you paint this guy she went out with as the bad guy? If the OP is even halfway attractive, I bet she turned down several other suitable non-players to be with a guy she knew was a well-known player. It seems as though the player behaved in the exact way people had warned her about, so it is really hard to blame anyone other than her for making a poor choice. Link to post Share on other sites
phillyfan Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 I met this guy who i warned to stay away from.. He had been with alot of girls and apparently isnt a nice guy. AKA PLAYER but At that point i didnt really care because i thought i would have the ability to be strong enough to stay away. Ive been out with him twice but got drunk ..and as the night went on things continued and i ended up staying over and things happened that i wish never did. the next day We ended up laying in bed all day talking.. I told him what i was warned about and he defended himself like any guy would. BUT I gave in and broke all my morals and vaules to the guy i was warned about. I texted him when i got home and told him that i like him a little more than i should. and he replied with something like " i like you too but lets just see where this goes" Im lost. do i pursue things with him even though ive been warned.. or is the damage already done? he could be with other girls for all i know and i dont want to seem needy by asking him anymore questions regarding a relationship. usually we dont text to much so i dont really know where to go from here? im not about to be a booty call Dude u got playd, no issue, move on n learn from it. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 You are attracted to him because he is a player. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 You didn't get played. I don't even really know what that means, but you simply had no strings attached sex. Oh my God your life may for all intents and purposes be over. The sky is falling. Seriously. Was it enjoyable? If you did it, then why do you wish you hadn't? And if you knew this was going to happen, then why did you do it if it wasn't enjoyable? Who cares if he is dating other girls. That's the point of dating. To play the field. Find the one you like the most. Or whatever I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Excalibur1814 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Go with it... Life is for experiencing experiences and although it may or may not end in a broken heart, either way, it's all about the moments we have. He is a player and there are chances that he could change (Regardless of what people state in here, players can change: I'm 36, played the part of the good guy for 9 years and never got anywhere, changed to a 'player' for four years and had a whole lot of fun but that ended in pain for a lot of people, now no longer a player for the last 4 years). Once a man 'grows up' and realises that his actions can cause pain that man will and does change. The catalyst for change can be different for each of us. Either way, if you like the guy, then do what you're probably going to do regardless of what is said in here as you're heart and mind is already connected. Learn from this situation, look at his actions and try to understand 'from him' why he is the way he is. If he talks it may change your understanding of men. Bottom line: ... He probably won't ever be with you, marry you or even buy you flowers, but life is for living and if you know the outcome, they you can accept what will happen. P.s. You CANNOT change him... only HE can change himself Link to post Share on other sites
grkBoy Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 I'm of the mind that "playas never change" and I'd probably say there is no future here. BUT...if you like him then take a shot, but tread carefully and keep your finger on the "launch" button the moment he disappoints you. Don't get all deep into him all quickly either. The moment he knows you'll forgive him for anything is the moment he's got you under his spell. I'm also in agreement with others that you knew what he was about...but you wanted a taste anyway, even hoping in the back of your mind that you would be the "exception" to the rule. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Dude u got playd, no issue, move on n learn from it. Nah she's wise to him, but even though he had sex with her, she had too much to drink, so its not like she got played, she just wasn't thinking straight at the time, and besides he did say 'but lets just see where this goes', so that must mean she's more special and not like the other girls, right, because he said that, he wouldn't say 'lets see' like that unless he meant it, right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pinklemon Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 i was told by my overprotective cousin who knows of this guy. To this point he hasnt showed me any real player qualities tho. I am way way way different than any girl hes ever been with and ive told him millions of times he isnt going to sleep with me. i dont sleep with people im not dating. he understands that. so somebody explain why he would coutinue to pursue me knowing that im not going to be an easy lay. he keeps randomally texting me .. hes done with drinking and wants to do something super mellow. I cant put the rumors and reality together. this isnt making sense..Ive seen this guy in a long term relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pinklemon Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 PS> it wasnt sex. it was some messsing around but i like insinuated i have morals and values.. and those morals and vaules were to not ever do anything with somebody i wasnt dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pinklemon Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 i already made my mistakes and its time to move forward. im not solely attracted to him because hes a player. how is getting played ever any fun? unless of course you wanna consider fun being the cat and mouse chase. drinking has really pushed me to act in a way i never expected. things happen. oh well. plaaayyyer can try and play me Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Again, I think the term "player" is awfully stupid, but being used is fun when you are also using the other person. Like a friends with benefits situation. Link to post Share on other sites
phillyfan Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 PS> it wasnt sex. it was some messsing around but i like insinuated i have morals and values.. and those morals and vaules were to not ever do anything with somebody i wasnt dating. Dude u went back 2 his place on the 1st date, got drunk and ended up in his bed and started makin out with him. He aint gona listen to your stories about morals wen u r rite there in his bed enjoyin the feelin of his hand on ur butt In future just chill and eitha drink less, and dont make out so quik, or just enjoy the fun. Dont talk about morals then break them 5 mins later as it screams to any dude that u hav no boundaries or self control. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 I personally never found it useful to think of men as "players". Either I trust a guy or I don't. If, for whatever reason, I don't trust him or don't think we want the same thing at the moment, I move on. So relax. Stay in control of yourself and your emotions. Don't act like he has all the power. You can still see if he treats you the way you want to be treated. If, like you, he is looking for something serious. If he isn't, and shows that he isn't, please don't waste your time and move on. He woudn't be a bad guy for not wanting the same thing you do, he just wouldn't be ready for a serious R at the moment. More importantly: have fun. Link to post Share on other sites
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