DazyDaisy Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Has there ever been a time where you agreed/accepted the breakup just to seem like you didn't care? And if so, with what purpose? I brought up the possibility of breaking up to my ex, and surprisingly (and to my relief), he agreed it was the best thing for both of us. However, after we broke up, he was probably the most hurt. He blocked me on FB, on the one post-breakup conversation we had he was rather cold, and stopped going to the same gym we used to go to together. There isn't another girl. There isn't another guy on my case, either. The reason why we broke up was just one of those that felt needed. The relationship was too overloaded, and then we hit rock bottom (nothing). I know he was feeling the same way too because was acting rather distant and started wanting "nights alone" or "out". Don't get me wrong, it made the breakup easier on me that he agreed. However, I can't help wonder if he really is just hurting more than I did. I'm having those thoughts of what it would be like to get back together now. I just want to get a picture of what it would be like to try to reconcile. I just don't know if he feels the same way—but he agreed to breakup so doesn't that say he wanted it to be "over"? Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Could be any number of things. Maybe he really is okay with it and isn't as hurt as you think, he may have actually believed he was okay with it and then was surprised by his own hurt later on, or he knew all along that it would hurt, but he put on a brave face for you and agreed to it. Regardless, if you felt that it needed to happen, why are you wondering what reconciling would be like now.... Link to post Share on other sites
thelovingkind Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 He's not being "offended" or even necessarily "hurt", he's a smart cookie who knows that no contact with you provides the best opportunity for him to move on quickly and peacefully. But as for your question, my answer has to be yes. While some people report traumatic break ups in which they burst into tears right in the moment, for me the break up itself has always been like the calm before the storm. A quiet, agreeable docility comes over me and I accept their break up without quarrel. In the hours, days and weeks to come all sorts of rage, anger, resentment, hurt, etc. storm about my thoughts however. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 maybe he was trying to put up a brave front. or maybe he was ok with the idea at first but once it started to sink in - - he realized he wasn't. also, while this appears to have been a mutual decision from your point of view - - it really wasn't. i mean - - the last guy who dumped me pretty much suggested the same thing. there wasn't much i could say but "ok". i could have said "no - - i want to work things out". but really what would have been the point? if one person wants a break and the other person doesn't well - - tough on that other person. you can't force someone to stay when they're already half way out the door; better to conserve your dignity, let them walk and go NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DazyDaisy Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 Could be any number of things. Maybe he really is okay with it and isn't as hurt as you think, he may have actually believed he was okay with it and then was surprised by his own hurt later on, or he knew all along that it would hurt, but he put on a brave face for you and agreed to it. Regardless, if you felt that it needed to happen, why are you wondering what reconciling would be like now.... Because I think we just needed some time to think stuff through. We were both working on our Master's degrees plus dealing with work. Then we also had to work with the relationship and invest time on each other. We also had our social lives separately and barely had time for friends. It just seemed like we were trying to accomplish too much at the same time. We are still in the same situation but I think I was happier with someone going through the same situation by my side. However, I don't know if he feels the same which is what has got me wondering now. He's single still too. He's not being "offended" or even necessarily "hurt", he's a smart cookie who knows that no contact with you provides the best opportunity for him to move on quickly and peacefully. But as for your question, my answer has to be yes. While some people report traumatic break ups in which they burst into tears right in the moment, for me the break up itself has always been like the calm before the storm. A quiet, agreeable docility comes over me and I accept their break up without quarrel. In the hours, days and weeks to come all sorts of rage, anger, resentment, hurt, etc. storm about my thoughts however. I agreed with the NC thing too so I guess if he hadn't blocked me, etc, I would have done it too. Someone had to do it, right? I'm hurt too, I still cry over the breakup once in a while. We both cried when we broke up; it was tough on both of us and I know it. However, neither of us tried to change the things we had chosen to go through. We were both rather accepting of it but painful nonetheless. Calm before the storm sounds appropriate. What makes me wonder the most is the fact that he was being so strange when we had our last conversation. I asked him if he'd like me to drop his clothes off and he answered, "Burn them or toss them out if you want" Then when I said, "Ok hope all is well with you", he just replied "Yup" He was never one to act like that. I don't know if that means he hates me now. maybe he was trying to put up a brave front. or maybe he was ok with the idea at first but once it started to sink in - - he realized he wasn't. also, while this appears to have been a mutual decision from your point of view - - it really wasn't. i mean - - the last guy who dumped me pretty much suggested the same thing. there wasn't much i could say but "ok". i could have said "no - - i want to work things out". but really what would have been the point? if one person wants a break and the other person doesn't well - - tough on that other person. you can't force someone to stay when they're already half way out the door; better to conserve your dignity, let them walk and go NC. I understand what you're saying. People always tell me that there isn't such a thing as a "mutual" breakup since there's always a starter of the breakup. I do see how he could think my mind was already made up and had no choice but to agree. I thought my mind was made up too, and there's still doubt. Who knows? _________________________________________ Then again, it could be that he knew it was the best thing for us to stay away from each other and still wants it that way. I also want to conserve my dignity and I'm not sure I would want to even try to get back together with him. It would just be too humiliating to hear what I think I'd be hearing for him which is probably a no. Today is his birthday so it doesn't help. I decided I just wouldn't wish him a happy birthday. I don't want the cold answers again and doesn't even want to hear from me. I know after not wishing him a happy birthday there is no going back. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts