spiderowl Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 I'm wondering how a shy guy might indicate to a woman that he liked her? What would be good signs and what would be bad?
Saxis Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Glance in her direction very often, but break eye contact quickly.
Author spiderowl Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 Interesting, but why break eye contact quickly? Isn't eye contact supposed to be a flirting signal? Surely breaking it quickly will put the woman off?
cerridwen Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Interesting, but why break eye contact quickly? Isn't eye contact supposed to be a flirting signal? Surely breaking it quickly will put the woman off? Because of shyness, spiderowl. They lack the confidence to flirt but they'll still sneak peeks because they're attracted. They don't TRY to put the woman off. But looking away is just instinctual.
somedude81 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Because of shyness, spiderowl. They lack the confidence to flirt but they'll still sneak peeks because they're attracted. They don't TRY to put the woman off. But looking away is just instinctual. Ah yes, I remember doing that. Another thing a shy guy will do is try to sit next to you and may try to make small talk. All the while he can be completely terrified.
TheLawmaker Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Interesting, but why break eye contact quickly? Isn't eye contact supposed to be a flirting signal? Surely breaking it quickly will put the woman off? I can say that, as a shy guy, it's like I'm afraid she will be offended if I stare at her too long. In that way, it's like being jabbed with a hot poker; you're afraid that you will get burnt.
one goal Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Ah yes, I remember doing that. Another thing a shy guy will do is try to sit next to you and may try to make small talk. All the while he can be completely terrified. Thats why Im going to sit next to the girl I like in class tomorrow. I want to talk to her more.
callingyouuu Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 For shy guys like myself , it takes quite a bit of work to break down our self-defenses. The whole system is actually super counterintuitive. If we don't like you and you try being friendly with us, we can be super comfortable around you, tease you, joke around, decent eye contact, etc. Essentially how a really confident guy acts around girls he does like. If they do like you,we will do whatever they can to minimize interactions with you because we are afraid of getting hurt. This includes the eye-staring thing. I've gotten really good at reflexively adopting a super professional attitude when I'm around someone I'm attracted to, in large part not to make it seem like I'm too interested. Rationally, this is actually the opposite of what I should be doing if I want a relationship. Sigh.
Author spiderowl Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 Aww, I feel for the shy guy who is terrified. The confident guys do tend to dare to ask a woman out in some form. And the others, well you just don't know what they are thinking or if they like you much. So how can I tell the difference between a shy guy and a guy who is not interested? What should I look out for?
GoodOnPaper Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 If we don't like you and you try being friendly with us, we can be super comfortable around you, tease you, joke around, decent eye contact, etc. Essentially how a really confident guy acts around girls he does like. Interesting -- what is it about these women that you don't like? For me, actually feeling comfortable with a woman was the surest sign that I did like her -- of course, this approach always got me friendzoned . . . So how can I tell the difference between a shy guy and a guy who is not interested? What should I look out for? Age is probably an important factor -- by the time they're in their 30s, even shy guys should have enough life experience to be able to handle asking a woman out for coffee. However, if we're talking teens and 20s when you have so much time on your hands that your social life (or lack of) is always center stage in your mind . . . well, that's simply not a good environment for shy guys to shine. You may have to do a lot of reading between the lines. If you think about it, how is a shy guy supposed to make himself stand out with all the alpha males in his school or workplace or bar peacocking themselves around? My response was to resist playing their game -- even though they were successful at it and I was very unsuccessful overall -- because 1) I didn't want to be like them and 2) I didn't want to have to compete on their terms, I simply didn't have the looks, physique, etc. Of course, girls -- all types -- responded positively to the alpha males' tactics and that made me feel less and less comfortable about approaching girls myself. Therefore, for me, the following equation developed: comfortable = interested. If you sense that a guy on the shy, introverted, less experienced side of the personality spectrum, I'd assume that this equation holds unless proven otherwise.
grkBoy Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I'm wondering how a shy guy might indicate to a woman that he liked her? What would be good signs and what would be bad? Stop being shy and go say "hi" to her.
Saxis Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 So how can I tell the difference between a shy guy and a guy who is not interested? What should I look out for? Glance in her direction very often, but break eye contact quickly. Glance in her direction, but break eye contact quickly. I'm kinda uncomfortable with holding eye contact with someone I don't know. It's a work in progress not to break eye contact quickly...
Author spiderowl Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 I think I see. Thanks. It's not easy. If he breaks eye contact, how do I know he isn't doing that because he dislikes me? He probably isn't interested and I'd be foolish to think he was.
somedude81 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I'm amazed you're even curious in a shy guy. Is he really good looking or something? Most shy guys are basically invisible to girls.
Author spiderowl Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 No, he's not particularly good-looking but he is talented and I admire that and he interests me. He's seemed OK when we've spoken but we've only spoken briefly. He doesn't seem to say much to anybody. Problem is I don't know if he's shy or just not interested. Can't tell. It's beginning to seem like I'd have to engineer ways to get talking to him and that sounds like hard work. If I have to try and do that, then it seems to me he's not interested enough.
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