I dont think i'l truely be over my ex untill i find someone else

[jacksonBrown]

I dont think i will completely be able to let go untill a find a new GF I dont really like being single i much prefer a realationship, and at the moment i still think of my ex and still hope one day she'll contact me.. we have been broken up for 2 months after 3 years together she was my first 'Real' relationship and i was hers but we just lost the spark and started treating eachother like friends as soon as we broke up tho i realised wat i had and wat i had been taking for granted but too late she had already made her mind up and wouldn't take me back i tried on a few occasions, i've accepted its over and shes gone its almost 2 weeks NC now altho i'm going to need to find someone new otherwise she's going to stay on my mind.

[wilsonx]

hey man, you're 3 months out and 2 weeks NC

 

I have a question to ask you and you have to answer this to yourself because I already know the answer. Think about this. Do you love yourself? Really think about it. From your post I can tell you the answer.

 

Your first step is not getting a new girlfriend, its to figure out how to love yourself again. At the same time you HAVE TO STOP DWELLING on your ex. It has to end. Make a stand tomorrow when you wake up. Write on your arm in big black sharpie marker that IT DOES NOT MATTER and repeat this to yourself over and over and over and over and over. It took me almost 6 days to get to the point of where I am now. Its only natural to grieve over such a huge loss but you have to START MOVING FORWARD and not backwards. If you do not love yourself, how can you love someone else. The relationship will fail just as yours did.

 

If you want to move forward, this is excellent advice.. if you want to dwell and live in the past then ignore this. This is a one day at a time process, do not think about tomorrow, do not think about a week from now, do not think about a month from now, move forward one day at a time. Once you did that, focus on the next day. Rinse and repeat this pattern until you wake up one day and are like wow was I really like this. (Im not at this point by anymeans but this is my goal)

[Cassandra92]

I can see where you are coming from and I understand your feeling of helplessness, I really do. Sometimes I think I will not be able to get over this on my own, and it will take the distraction of somebody new to help me really move on. Right now I don't want that though, I'm not ready. I'm not in love with him but I still love him, and any decision I make now would be clouded by my feelings. I can't imagine being with anybody else, even after all the crap, so I'm just going to focus on me. I don't want to have to depend on anybody else to feel happy again, I'm going to try do it myself.

 

I would suggest going to see a counsellor if you are finding it really difficult. This is something constructive you can do for yourself, so that you can heal and get rid of any baggage that would weigh you down or be a burden to somebody else when you actually are ready for a new relationship.

[jacksonBrown]

Wilson: the first few weeks after the break up i can definatly say i didn't love my self but as time has gone on i'm feeling better and better about myself i've made alot of positive changes since the split, the reason i find myself thinking about her alot is i'm still unable to work due breaking my leg so i'm home alot just killing time.. i think evan when i do get bak to work and i'm feeling better about myself i'l still think about her i loved her very much she'll always have a spot in my heart.

 

yes i have thort about seeing a councellor if i still cant let it go in couple of weeks i'l go and see one

[wilsonx]

thats sux man. I had a gf that broke up with me 3 days before I broke my ankle. I could not walk for 5 months and it was painful so I understand what you're going through, trust me. Try playing video games, get something time consuming like an mmorpg or something, that helped me out alot

[Lemontang]

thats sux man. I had a gf that broke up with me 3 days before I broke my ankle. I could not walk for 5 months and it was painful so I understand what you're going through, trust me. Try playing video games, get something time consuming like an mmorpg or something, that helped me out alot

 

I was going to suggest take up something real fun like motorcycle riding (this is what I did)...but then I saw you'd broken your leg. Bummer dude....hopscotch maybe?

 

But WilsonX is right you need an entertaining time killer that will occupy your mind. For me I'm a big Fallout, Mass Effect and Elderscrolls fan (I'm hanging hard core for Skyrim right now). Not huge on online gaming, but hey if it's Battlefield then that's ok with me

 

Another time killer is read some self help books...or simply read a few books (please stay clear of Twilight though...seriously vampires shouldn't sparkle and if they do well sorry but your a fairy not a vampire, go audition for Disney ).

Jumping back to self help also check out some youtube vids on the topic. My fav is http://www.youtube.com/user/AlphaMconsulting

 

Seriously after watching that guy, when you decide to get back into dating you'll have an edge few others in the crowd don't come close too. And people notice which in itself is a huge confidence/ego boost, and lets face it it's what we all want.

[Fufu]

I dont think i will completely be able to let go untill a find a new GF I dont really like being single i much prefer a realationship, and at the moment i still think of my ex and still hope one day she'll contact me.. we have been broken up for 2 months after 3 years together she was my first 'Real' relationship and i was hers but we just lost the spark and started treating eachother like friends as soon as we broke up tho i realised wat i had and wat i had been taking for granted but too late she had already made her mind up and wouldn't take me back i tried on a few occasions, i've accepted its over and shes gone its almost 2 weeks NC now altho i'm going to need to find someone new otherwise she's going to stay on my mind.

 

Don't rush into a new relationship. The thing is your not ready to be committed in a new relationship and 2 possible scenarios may happen as follow.

 

First scenario:

You ended up with a new lady but then after some time she chose to leave you. You will end up hurt again.

 

Second scenario:

You realized you are not into her but she is into you. You broke up with her and now you ended up hurting another person before to you this is a rebound relationship.

 

It's only 2 months.... my ex and I were together for 3 years and today is about 8 months already and sometimes he still appear in my mind. But I no longer feel the heartache much anymore.

[jacksonBrown]

I was going to suggest take up something real fun like motorcycle riding (this is what I did)...but then I saw you'd broken your leg. Bummer dude....hopscotch maybe?

 

But WilsonX is right you need an entertaining time killer that will occupy your mind. For me I'm a big Fallout, Mass Effect and Elderscrolls fan (I'm hanging hard core for Skyrim right now). Not huge on online gaming, but hey if it's Battlefield then that's ok with me

 

Another time killer is read some self help books...or simply read a few books (please stay clear of Twilight though...seriously vampires shouldn't sparkle and if they do well sorry but your a fairy not a vampire, go audition for Disney ).

Jumping back to self help also check out some youtube vids on the topic. My fav is http://www.youtube.com/user/AlphaMconsulting

 

Seriously after watching that guy, when you decide to get back into dating you'll have an edge few others in the crowd don't come close too. And people notice which in itself is a huge confidence/ego boost, and lets face it it's what we all want.

 

hey lemon yeh i will have to get back into my playstation i was right into fallout aswell i used to spend hours and hours on that game since the break up i just stopped getting any joy from things im getting better now cheers for posting those self help link i've been getting into all that stuff lately and it works i'm currently reading awaken the Giant within by anthony robbins that book has helped alot i would recommend it to anyone.

 

hey Fufu: yeh i know a rebound is probably not a good idea i just dont like being alone i feel i'm ready to meet someone new now and start a new relationship have you dated since your breakup?

Edited June 28, 2011 by jacksonBrown

[radiodarcy]

i haven't dated since being dumped and i really don't want to. i wanted to be with my ex because i loved him for who he was - - the good parts and the bad parts. but he didn't love me for awhile it made me not like -- let alone love myself. in fact - -i berated myself to not being the person he could love. and while i now realize that was faulty logic - - it's going to be a very long time before i can feel as though i can trust someone. so in the meantime i have been building up my self-esteem more. re-exploring my interests - - discovering new ones. i signed up for drum lessons! something i have always wanted to try

 

maybe i'm just of a more introverted nature but once i got used to the idea of being alone again - - i actually like it!

 

just remember Jackson, the more you build up your self-esteem, the more confident and less alone you will feel and as an added bonus - - you will be more attractive to other women

[jacksonBrown]

 

just remember Jackson, the more you build up your self-esteem, the more confident and less alone you will feel and as an added bonus - - you will be more attractive to other women

 

 

Very True

[mtd4249]

jacksonBrown -- we've communicated before in this forum, so I know your story. I also know how you feel .. I have often thought that if there was a significant other she would take my mind off my ex. Like you, I am more comfortable in a relationship - I'm 41 and from the time I was 18 I had two long-term relationships (the first of 7 years and the second, which ended 5 months ago, of 16 years). Eventually, I will probably take the punt on another relationship but right now being single is like necessary purgatory -- we have to do this time in order to learn the lessons of our past relationship, to grow personally, and to move into the next relationship without excess emotional baggage. For guys like us, who are happier in a relationship, being single might seem almost like wasted time - but it's a way of learning who we are because the real risk with guys like us is we become co-dependent on a relationship and another person for our happiness and it shouldn't be like that. On the flipside, guys like us are not afraid of commitment and will be a good catch for a girl who wants to settle down!! You are still in the early stages of the breakup and over the coming weeks and months you are likely to have lots of ups and downs emotionally. I always think there's one of two reasons why a person can jump quickly into another relationship after a substantive relationship collapsed -- (1) they believe that finding a significant other will replace their ex and give them back the happiness and comfort they had with their ex (rebound relationship) or (2) they weren't fully invested in their relationship with their ex (otherwise it would be impossible to quickly detach from one person and attach to another, especially if you were the one who was dumped). By the sounds of it, you are the type of guy who was fully invested in your ex, so perhaps the reason you are so eager to enter another relationship is reason (1) .... it's entirely your choice what you do, but for the coming months your energy is probably best focused on you and not a rebound relationship.

Take it easy and keep in touch.

[Fufu]

hey lemon yeh i will have to get back into my playstation i was right into fallout aswell i used to spend hours and hours on that game since the break up i just stopped getting any joy from things im getting better now cheers for posting those self help link i've been getting into all that stuff lately and it works i'm currently reading awaken the Giant within by anthony robbins that book has helped alot i would recommend it to anyone.

 

hey Fufu: yeh i know a rebound is probably not a good idea i just dont like being alone i feel i'm ready to meet someone new now and start a new relationship have you dated since your breakup?

 

I have no dated, enjoying singlehood at the moment. ^_^ Though I can't wait to meet a new guy and fall in love with..

[LovelyDaze]

I have no dated, enjoying singlehood at the moment. ^_^ Though I can't wait to meet a new guy and fall in love with..

 

That's where you want to get to: enjoying singlehood

 

When you are out having fun with friends & family, working, going to school, enjoying hobbies, etc. That does seem to always be when another person comes along. The key is not to even think about it or be proactive into looking for a replacement. As Fufu stated earlier, it would be a rebound or some other situation that you must heal from and you don't need your heart broken TWICE!

 

Cry, scream, curse, throw things, whatever you need to do to get the anger and pain out. You will come to a point that is blissful. It is not hating your ex or loving them "from far away'. No. It is called indifference.

 

Believe it. There will be a time where you see a text/call from her and think, "Haha- I'm not answering that. I have other things to do.";)

[jacksonBrown]

jacksonBrown -- we've communicated before in this forum, so I know your story. I also know how you feel .. I have often thought that if there was a significant other she would take my mind off my ex. Like you, I am more comfortable in a relationship - I'm 41 and from the time I was 18 I had two long-term relationships (the first of 7 years and the second, which ended 5 months ago, of 16 years). Eventually, I will probably take the punt on another relationship but right now being single is like necessary purgatory -- we have to do this time in order to learn the lessons of our past relationship, to grow personally, and to move into the next relationship without excess emotional baggage. For guys like us, who are happier in a relationship, being single might seem almost like wasted time - but it's a way of learning who we are because the real risk with guys like us is we become co-dependent on a relationship and another person for our happiness and it shouldn't be like that. On the flipside, guys like us are not afraid of commitment and will be a good catch for a girl who wants to settle down!! You are still in the early stages of the breakup and over the coming weeks and months you are likely to have lots of ups and downs emotionally. I always think there's one of two reasons why a person can jump quickly into another relationship after a substantive relationship collapsed -- (1) they believe that finding a significant other will replace their ex and give them back the happiness and comfort they had with their ex (rebound relationship) or (2) they weren't fully invested in their relationship with their ex (otherwise it would be impossible to quickly detach from one person and attach to another, especially if you were the one who was dumped). By the sounds of it, you are the type of guy who was fully invested in your ex, so perhaps the reason you are so eager to enter another relationship is reason (1) .... it's entirely your choice what you do, but for the coming months your energy is probably best focused on you and not a rebound relationship.

Take it easy and keep in touch.

 

i'm doing everything i can to be happy by myself, ive become pro active lost heaps of weight and i've improved my self esteem.. but i just cant shake her from my mind some days are good and some days are bad

[mtd4249]

Yep, know what you mean about the on and off days. For me, I think once the asset split is over and what I have is mine and no longer "ours" that the days she's on my mind will become progressively less and less. Maybe there is a momentous moment in your split that will also prove to be the threshold between thinking about her a lot and thinking about her less.

I know for me that someone else might distract me ... but to get a distraction isn't the right reason to enter a relationship. Give it time and you'll be in a much better position to start and foster the sort of healthy relationship you want.