mike-h Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 I bumped into my ex girlfriend of 2 years with another guy, walking and hugging each other today. It has been just more than a month since we broke up. I actually went to meet her this afternoon to get my keys back and we had a general chat for about 20 mins which I intended to cut short. After that, I went to movies with a few friends and just outside of the cinema, as we were smoking, we all saw her and the guy coming to our direction. I tried to ignore and kept the conversation with my friends flowing. Obviously, it came as a shock and felt like a hard kick to the chest. It wasn't that something I didn't expect but I am just feeling empty at the moment. I feel like I can move on now freely since she has. At the same time, a part of me is furious as this was the same girl who said the relationship wasn't her thing when we broke up. I am not bitter or anything as she is a free person to do anything or date anyone she wants. However, considering the intense nature of our relationship, I feel like I am a bit hurt. To ease the pain, I went on a night out with a friend, hit on a girl and actually ended up on her bed. It made me feels like I still have the mojo which boosts my confidence. But as soon as I got back home now, the thing that happened starts to sink in and it is sticking into my mind. I would like to forget about it as I think I have already moved on (or at least I have been trying). If this happened 6 weeks ago when we broke up, it would have destroyed me physically and emotionally. But I think I am still standing strong although I am hurt to a certain extent. What do you think I should do now guys? Is it normal to feel pain still? Your help will be much appreciated. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
thelovingkind Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Just keep doing what you're doing, no contact, etc. It's an awful thing to happen, especially when you're neaaarly moved on. And suddenly it's like hitting that really long snake right before winning a game of snakes and ladders, and dooown you go. As for the getting laid, yes it can help, but obviously your emotional trajectory after breaking up is on a different plane than that of your sexual desires and activities with new people. So you can't expect a bit the latter to cancel out the rest of the former, even though it might provide some temporary relief. It sounds like you're nearly there, just had a bit of a kick in the guts. Pick yourself up and push through the home stretch Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike-h Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 Spot on, mate. Before this happened, I was just getting my focus back on my work (I am a uni student) and things were looking better for the future since the break up (on job and academic fronts). No contact is undoubtedly the next thing to do since it helped me through this for the past few weeks. Even when she initiated the contact two weeks ago, I told her to stop contacting as this was the only way for my feelings and pains to fade away. Obviously it worked until yesterday. This is surely a setback but hopefully a setback which can be used as a stepping stone for a greater future as a person. I actually have to meet her in a few hours since she still have some of her stuffs to move out from my flat. I have a feeling that it is going to be an awkward meeting.. Link to post Share on other sites
thelovingkind Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Plus remember, seeing your ex with a new guy is just about the worst thing that can feasibly happen to someone post-break up. And you've done it, you've survived, you got a kick in the chest but the world didn't crumble around you. So you've kinda got the benefit now of having faced that fear, and now you know there's nothing in this world that can stop you from moving on. Give it a couple more weeks and the world is your oyster once again Link to post Share on other sites
shortee143 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 It is tough to see an ex with someone new..even though you feel as you are moving on (whoohoo!!), but it just seems weird for awhile, bc YOU used to be that person, now they have replaced you..just a sinking feeling for sure. "remember, seeing your ex with a new guy is just about the worst thing that can feasibly happen to someone post-break up. And you've done it, you've survived, you got a kick in the chest but the world didn't crumble around you"----I need to read that. My ex and I are in the same circle of friends...been so hard, but he is now seeing someone knew, and as it kills me to know and see, since that girl has what I want. (yea, not fully moved on..boohoo) But I will survive! (even if sometimes I feel like I wont!!! ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike-h Posted June 29, 2011 Author Share Posted June 29, 2011 Plus remember, seeing your ex with a new guy is just about the worst thing that can feasibly happen to someone post-break up. And you've done it, you've survived, you got a kick in the chest but the world didn't crumble around you. So you've kinda got the benefit now of having faced that fear, and now you know there's nothing in this world that can stop you from moving on. Give it a couple more weeks and the world is your oyster once again I know I survived well and am looking to do the same thing if there would be a next time to see them which I know will come at some point of life as this is such a small world. As I mentioned, I am actually glad that this only happened yesterday when my feelings and attachments for her has almost been totally flushed from the heart. And I didn't know feel as bad as I would have thought I would. The surprising thing is to find out that she still had the guts to call me with a happy voice today to tell me that she cannot come and pick up her stuffs but only coming tomorrow. I only moved back into the flat we shared yesterday evening again since we broke up. But because this happened, I didn't dare to go back there last night, let myself to be alone and think myself to death. I think I made a right decision for that. But since I would have to face that fear at one point I think I should go back there today and change the room layout a little bit. And as we didn't meet up yesterday I would meet her in a public to give her the flat keys. This is the first time I ever feel post-breakup that I am actually very calm about meeting her, no nervous feelings or excitements. Maybe I really am moving on.. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 sorry mike, i honestly can say that it really has the opposite effect on me seeing my ex with her new man... she dumpster dived for him. I laughed and onced considered this girl to have some class but she downgraded hugely from me... 37 years old lives in a trailer, biggest ambition in life is to go party and drink, is a cook where she works. shes 23 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike-h Posted June 29, 2011 Author Share Posted June 29, 2011 My ex and I are in the same circle of friends...been so hard, but he is now seeing someone knew, and as it kills me to know and see, since that girl has what I want. (yea, not fully moved on..boohoo) But I will survive! (even if sometimes I feel like I wont!!! ) Having your ex in the same social network sounds very tough for you especially because I think doing NC helps you greatly to ease the pain away. For thinking the other person being better than you (I am in sort of same position) I wouldn't even care about him/her even though it would come across my mind once in a while. Rather I would take this as an opportunity to get myself improved and make the ex to think in the near future that she wouldn't know what she missed! Not that she would definitely think that way, but it gives me extra motivation (especially at the gym!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike-h Posted June 29, 2011 Author Share Posted June 29, 2011 sorry mike, i honestly can say that it really has the opposite effect on me seeing my ex with her new man... she dumpster dived for him. I laughed and onced considered this girl to have some class but she downgraded hugely from me... 37 years old lives in a trailer, biggest ambition in life is to go party and drink, is a cook where she works. shes 23 You should be laughing cuz you are in the best position you can ever think of!! I wish I could do the same. My ex, I have been told, seems to be doing well for herself since the break up. And I am sure this guy she is seeing is on the same level as me on everything, probably less a bit of neediness, a crushed confidence and a more outgoing personality. So basically improving myself physically and mentally has become a race for me, a race against time and myself so that I can move onto the next level quickly and keep getting improved. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 i honestly try to laugh at it but I think its too early in the breakup for it to be really funny. In 2 or 3 more months, Im pretty sure it would be funny but I keep going from I do not care to anger bc of it. Link to post Share on other sites
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