migoly Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 (edited) I am divorced from a man who was nice, but no intimacy. He was stable and made a good income. After the separation I started dating and was dating a man in construction. I am now pregnant and feel trapped because this man is blue collar and doesn't have much earning potential. On the other hand I have 2 master degrees and am currently working on a PhD. I now get jealous whenever I see white collar men dressed in their suits and I am stuck with someone who does manual labor. He is a nice guy, though unstable at times and tends to drink too much. I get terribly anxious whenever we are together (we are living together) because it reminds me of this terrible mistake. I am still in graduate school and dont have the means to support myself at this point. He was unemployed for a while and now is finally working for hourly wages. I am afraid that I am not going to be able to hold down a good job (because of anxiety issues) and I am going to have to live in poverty for the rest of my life. In my previous life we had the means to take vacations and eat out and do whatever we wanted. Now I constantly have to watch everything and I feel trapped in the house because I have no money to go out. When I met this guy, he had some money saved up and flew me to Vegas, New Orleans, San Diego, etc. but now the money is gone. I had no intention of being with him long term but now I feel stuck because I need help supporting the baby. I wish he had not spent all his money. He told me that he knew I was a high class woman and had to spend his money to impress me if he wanted me. I am so depressed all the time and always am wondering how we will support this child (and I have a 9 year old from a previous marriage). I am hoping that I will finish my thesis soon and be able to hold down a decent job so we can just be even with no debts. I know what others are thinking of me...my friends are very educated and all have white collar men. Even in my graduate program, I can't tell them what he does for fear that others will judge me. I have no hope for the future. Edited June 28, 2011 by migoly Link to post Share on other sites
Richard Friedman Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Well this is what abortion is for, right? Terminate it and move on. And here are a few words of wisdom. Your education and achievements don't really mean anything to men without looks. Looks and femininity are much, much more important. Women like you find some things attractive in men(intelligence, ambition) and think the same things apply the other way around. Then you end up bitching how there's no good men, men are immature, etc. We have different paradigms. There is a reason why you'll see women lined up to **** your shriveled 60 year old goldman sachs md but no man worth his salt would want a go at oprah or martha stewart. The more time you waste in this relationship letting your looks gothe more you are screwing yourself over. Get up and moving. Link to post Share on other sites
Richard Friedman Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 And you want a man who can give you lifestyle and intimacy? These kinds of guys have women throwing themselves at them. I dont to be downer, but you already have the baggage of a kid and a failed marriage. Your best bet would be to go for a nice guy with a good job and kids of his own. If you're expecting some kind of super alpha then don't get your hopes up. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 I'm sorry OP, but you sound like such a materialistic gold digger. So, this guy was good enough when he was flying you to Vegas and everywhere else, and now - "oh poor me, he's blue collar" yeah, you didn't expect the relationship to be long term eh - just till the money ran out! Is it all about money for you? What about love? Or does that concept just seem so ridiculous to you? You say he had savings and now they are all gone - well, you did also mention that he lost his job for a while - what the hell was he supposed to do? If its not too late, just get an abortion, no innocent child should come into such dysfunction. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 I'm sorry OP, but you sound like such a materialistic gold digger. . Or a troll Link to post Share on other sites
Author migoly Posted June 29, 2011 Author Share Posted June 29, 2011 I have worked so hard on the PhD and would really like to finish it. I just hope that I can get a job and function effectively. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety and it effects every part of my life. I have doubts that I will be able to support myself which is why his income scares me. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 I have worked so hard on the PhD and would really like to finish it. I just hope that I can get a job and function effectively. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety and it effects every part of my life. I have doubts that I will be able to support myself which is why his income scares me. what are you getting a PhD in? I thought people with PhDs actually get good paying jobs. If not, then you just wasted a s**t load of money that could have been better spent elsewhere....still not your boyfriend's fault though. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 I have doubts that I will be able to support myself which is why his income scares me. It isn't his income that should scare you.. it should be yours... do something about it and become self sufficient.. he is... Look at him as a partner rather than a meal ticket... Link to post Share on other sites
Author migoly Posted June 29, 2011 Author Share Posted June 29, 2011 I used to be on medication, but I had to stop once I was pregnant. I just started again because my doctor is afriad I am going to suffer from postpartum depression. Everything has changed in the past 9 months and it is scary for me. A new partner, a new place to live, a new baby on the way (i remember how hard it was), having to teach classes in September and finish my thesis so I will have a chance at getting a decent job. I was used to my life the way it was and questioned having a child at my age (39) and not married. Compounded with hormones and my depression and anxiety, everything is hard for me to deal with right now. I wish I had some security financially to make everything a little easier. My degree will be in social psychology...research psychology, not the therapy type. Link to post Share on other sites
AGStacker Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Well this is what abortion is for, right? Terminate it and move on. And here are a few words of wisdom. Your education and achievements don't really mean anything to men without looks. Looks and femininity are much, much more important. Women like you find some things attractive in men(intelligence, ambition) and think the same things apply the other way around. Then you end up bitching how there's no good men, men are immature, etc. We have different paradigms. There is a reason why you'll see women lined up to **** your shriveled 60 year old goldman sachs md but no man worth his salt would want a go at oprah or martha stewart. The more time you waste in this relationship letting your looks gothe more you are screwing yourself over. Get up and moving. Abortion is not the answer! Abstinence is! You people are mentally retarded. Abortion = murder! Have fun with that on your conscious. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 start doing contrary action - that will get you past your fear and depression... do for others... that will help you to NOT think of yourself so much. YOU have choices. WORK woman! two of my family members got and finished their Phd's while married, they had kids, and had NO money... but they did work while doing all of that... they made ends meet by working and spending only what little they earned while finishing their schooling. stop thinking a man should do all these things for you... that sense of entitlement looks weak and selfish. and the judging? YOU are the one judging! at least your BF is working! get out and support yourself. and since you think so little of him - move out and stop seeing him, baby or no baby. you have choices... start getting into action and start changing the things in your life that you can - by participating in a way that gets you being a self supporting woman instead of a mooch off of men. Link to post Share on other sites
luvbun80 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Abortion is not the answer! Abstinence is! You people are mentally retarded. Abortion = murder! Have fun with that on your conscious. Just curious how you abstain from having a baby that has already been conceived? Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Lets see. You cheated on your ex, now you have two degrees and you are hanging onto another man with his baby. Lord help us all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author migoly Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 No, I did not cheat on my ex...we had been divorced for 4 1/2 years when I got pregnant. Yes, I have two degrees, but I am not sure I can do anything with them unless I get the PhD. Link to post Share on other sites
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