My jealousy is killing me/BF thinking m Psycho

[Rafaela]

My jealousy is killing me, i have been with my BF for 1 year, we really love each other and we talk about marriage almots every day but most of our fights i caused them because of my jealousy, i start boiling if he look at any other girl in public, last weekend we went to wonderland, while we were waiting in the line up he started looking at another girl and he pretended that he is not looking at her, you know that game how you pass the eye on somebody without letting your partner noticing you.

 

i dont wanna sound like a pyscho crazy girlfriend that controlling even her BF's eyes, but honestly he have done this rolling eyes business in public many times, even i am the one who's better looking than him and i cancel my eye direction if i notice a guy looking at me. with him or behind him i swear i am always faithful.

he told his friends about my jealousy and the way i cause fights and i felt really bad about myself when he told me about their comments, he made me sound like an abnormal GF damn he cannot understand my feelings i am not crazy its just i dont find it right and aboslutely unfair.

NOW!! i want to show him my coldness side i want to prove for him that i am not pyscho as he think and i am not jealous,1- what is the best way to handle this situation next time (because whenever i noticing looking at another girl i leave the place right away, and he starts following me and we cause a scean in the public, like i show everybody that i am a loser), i never been like this but i loved him a lot that i cant see him flirting with eyes while i am there, whats bothering me that those girls are not even better than me.

Please my dear friends tell me how i can calm down and take things easy, and how i can be cold in this situation, i want him to notice this changes on me, because maybe he is doing it on purpose because i dont show him my love sometimes but because he started pissing me off recently thats why i dont show him my love 100%. waiting for answers

Thanks alot

Edited June 28, 2011 by Rafaela

[Lonesomedove]

just as a quick reply cause my day almost doe at work, sorry

 

Men look they will always look.Just because a man looks does not mean he wants her. Woman are beautiful creatures and are nice to look at so they do. If he looks ignore it but also dont hide your looking at emn, that will show him what it feels like. dont make a scene cause if you push him into a corner he will not feel he can tell you things. You also might push him into cheating if yu keep accusing him. You also need to boost your own self confidence to help you. Go out treat yourself to a girlie day. You should only be jealous if your man gives you signs he is cheating but rem all men look and even watch porn. no big deal its when they act on it.

hope this helps;)

[April72]

Oh honey you sound like you are in torment. I think that you need to find away of dealing with this for your sake not his. I'm not sure what will work.... why do you think you get so jealous ??? If that's your picture then you are very beautiful woman. I understand more then you know worrying that I'm not good enough for my boyfriend and how could he ever be satisfied with me.... but I would think there was something wrong with him if he didn't notice a pretty woman wether in person or on TV. There are lots of attractive people in the world can't change that.

 

I just think you need to get to heart of the problem and focus on doing this for your sanity, cause this can't feel good for you, and your relationship will benefit from it.

 

Good luck... I know advice is easily given but when your the person suffering not always easy to deal with or overcome.

[Memphis Raines]

My jealousy is killing me, i have been with my BF for 1 year, we really love each other and we talk about marriage almots every day but most of our fights i caused them because of my jealousy, i start boiling if he look at any other girl in public, last weekend we went to wonderland, while we were waiting in the line up he started looking at another girl and he pretended that he is not looking at her, you know that game how you pass the eye on somebody without letting your partner noticing you.

 

and I take it you don't look at other guys and think they are attractive?

[make me believe]

It's NOT impossible for your boyfriend to refrain from checking girls out in front of you. Seriously. I don't care about this "boys will be boys" and "guys will never stop looking at women" BS. He can and SHOULD stop this behavior in front of you. I have never seen my husband check out another girl in my presence. I'm sure he does it when a hot girl walks by and I'm not there -- but when I'm there he's respectful enough not to do it. There's no reason why a woman has to put up with her guy drooling over other girls right in front of her. (And it goes both ways -- sure I might notice an attractive guy, but I definitely don't stare at him and blatantly check him out in front of my husband!)

[oldguy]

My jealousy is killing me, i have been with my BF for 1 year, we really love each other and we talk about marriage almots every day but most of our fights i caused them because of my jealousy, i start boiling if he look at any other girl in public, last weekend we went to wonderland, while we were waiting in the line up he started looking at another girl and he pretended that he is not looking at her,

you know that game how you pass the eye on somebody without letting your partner noticing you.

Obviously he sucks at it.

 

i dont wanna sound like a pyscho crazy girlfriend that controlling even her BF's eyes, but honestly he have done this rolling eyes business in public many times,

even i am the one who's better looking than him

There is a lot of pressure on a poor guy when he's with a woman like you, better looking than him I mean. I don't know, maybe he's looking for a girl in his own league just to ease that pressure. <that was sarcasm. and i cancel my eye direction if i notice a guy looking at me. with him or behind him i swear i am always faithful.

 

he told his friends about my jealousy and the way i cause fights and i felt really bad about myself when he told me about their comments, he made me sound like an abnormal GF damn he cannot understand my feelings i am not crazy its just i dont find it right and aboslutely unfair.

NOW!! i want to show him my coldness side i want to prove for him that i am not pyscho as he think and i am not jealous,1- what is the best way to handle this situation next time (because whenever i noticing looking at another girl i leave the place right away, and he starts following me and we cause a scean in the public, like i show everybody that i am a loser), i never been like this but i loved him a lot that i cant see him flirting with eyes while i am there, whats bothering me that those girls are not even better than me.

Please my dear friends tell me how i can calm down and take things easy, and how i can be cold in this situation, i want him to notice this changes on me, because maybe he is doing it on purpose because i dont show him my love sometimes but because he started pissing me off recently thats why i dont show him my love 100%. waiting for answers

Thanks alot

Lighten up, use humor to lighten yourself up & the situation. The next time he does this ask him, "so you think she's pretty? or "your chances of getting that tonight aren't much better than getting this if you don't stop staring" then laugh. That's what my wife would do to me

[OofWhack]

I, too am a very jealous person. I've tried so hard not to be. Once I know a situation is ok, I can get rid of it, but my first instinct (like you).. is to act out.

I don't notice my bf doing too much in public, he makes most of his comments about magazines or tv but I have grown accustomed to that over 2yrs. If I have a problem with it now, I just keep it to myself because I know I'm overreacting to NOTHING.

If he's honest with you and doesn't talk to other women and keeps you 100% HIS focus (even when his glance may stray) you are ONE lucky woman and should hold onto him.

Just know that the human body whether male or female is nice to look at. Some people have a hard time balancing this and he def should NOT be doing this in front of you if he knows it bothers you, it's very disrespectful. HOwever, causing a scene every time he does it is NOT healthy for your relationship. If you can, try to suppress it and discuss it with him CALMLY later on and let him know how much it really bothers you that he's not respecting your wishes and it needs to stop.

I have found my approach is much better when I'm not acting like a spoiled rotten kid or a neglected gf and keep my confidence level up.

Just know this, however, what he chooses to do regardless of your reaction is a CHOICE that he made not one that YOU caused.

[Woman In Blue]

Hey, at least he's got the good sense to do it in a very subtle way, from the sounds of it. I often read posts here where dumbass guys are blatant with their animal behavior and act as though they were raised by wolves. One gal even posted that her loser boyfriend was making eyes at women right in front of her and trying to engage these women in conversation.

 

Your incessant anger and tantrums is going to drive him away, no matter HOW much better looking you are than him. He may not even be aware of the fact that you're out of his league - most men don't own mirrors anyway because they can look like John Merrick (the Elephant Man for those who don't know the name) and yet they'll STILL think they deserve to date a runway model. Dumbasses.

[GorillaTheater]

most men don't own mirrors anyway because they can look like John Merrick (the Elephant Man for those who don't know the name) and yet they'll STILL think they deserve to date a runway model. Dumbasses.

 

I always looked at this as a strength. Beautiful women look in the mirror and see their flaws. Guys who are balding, with man-boobs and a paunch happily look in a mirror and make caveman and tiger noises.

[Rinas]

Even i am the one who's better looking than him.

 

How nice of you to mention. Your insecurity is in this phrase.

 

Whats bothering me that those girls are not even better than me.

 

Again, insecurity.

 

Your BF is with YOU. Not these other girls. Just because you are in a committed relationship it doesn't mean that he becomes blind to the opposite gender.

 

If it is just a quick glance then the attention is back at you, I wouldn't worry. If he is staring and double taking, then you should sit him down and voice your concerns.

 

Making scenes in public is just awful for the both of you. He will continue to do these actions, and disregard your feelings if you act in said manor.

 

Sit him down calmly, without making a fight over it and discuss your feelings.

 

If he's a decent guy, he'll work on it for you.

Edited June 30, 2011 by Rinas

[Rinas]

Wait, this is the guy who cheated on you?

 

If you mentioned that in your OP, people would be more understanding.

 

Along with all your other negative threads about him & all the drama.

 

My only question, WHY are you still with this guy?

[Memphis Raines]

Wait, this is the guy who cheated on you?

 

oh, didn't know he cheated.

 

if this is true, then your "jealousy" is justified because he caused it.

 

I agree with the question, why are you still with him?

[Rafaela]

First of all i do really appreciate your time for reading and replying back to topic

 

I wasn’t feeling insecure before and as ‘Rinas’ mentioned (thank you for remembering my previous threads) Briefly I found out 5 months ago that he used to smoke with his female colleague and giving her rides to her house after work and I used to see texts on his cell but I couldn’t assume that this person is male or female cuz he saved her num under her last name , anyways how I found that he is chilling out with a girl behind me until her boyfriend called claiming that he is accusing her GF that she is upto something with my BF, anyways Both my BF and her said they are only friends and they work together. Since Feb our relationship started getting worse and worse because I totally did not expected him to be a jerk and dishonest with me, I tried to break up with him and it was so hard to get rid of him. 1- he doesn’t stop of calling or texting call after call till my battery dies 2- kept coming back to my building and waiting for me for long hours I hv noticed the stress and sadness in his face he couldn’t stop of crying afraid of losing me. He came to my work place in the period when I didn’t contact him and was serious about breaking up when my girlfriends saw how he is acting they told me to give him another chance maybe he hv done nothing bad, even I love him to death still I can be tough if things doesn’t make sense, so I got back with him with a condition to change his number and stop chilling out with females if he is really serious with me.

 

From my side I had male friends before being in relationship with him and once we both decided to take this relationship seriously I have changed my number, I am not talking to any male friend because I care about his feelings. And I know how crazy he gets if he sees someone staring at me.

 

I know that he loves me cuz if he doesn’t then he wouldn’t keep trying again and again, especially with the way that I started treating him like slave after I was hurt and felt like I got fooled he is till taking all the bad answers and cold shoulder from me (that was a test to see if he gonna get fed up for being rude with him all the time) he still showing only love to me.

That’s what really driving me crazy, he not giving up and he never will I feel that he is so attached to me that he doesn’t care about his family anymore. He is always there when I need him.

That’s why i am trying to find a way to correct his mistakes even I do feel like his mother sometimes for teaching him what is right and what is not.

 

The funniest part: whenever I find him staring at a girl he denies it and he start swearing that he wasn’t looking at her. Even I seen him with my own eyes its not that I pank him in the first sight but I try to ignore the first look, second one and I talk in the 3rd one. I did explain it maturely to him that its not right at all and if you want to look I am gonna look back or smile back to any guy strais at me and we will see how you gonna react with it!!!! He was angry and started yelling at me if I ever think about looking at any man.

 

Seriously Im losing my mind with this man, he is nice and great if we are not in fight but once he does such a behaviour it turns me off and I felt that my love to him is not like before because of all this fights and silly scenes that we cause in public.

 

Please Tell me what would you do if you were in my situation???

Edited June 30, 2011 by Rafaela

[Memphis Raines]

The funniest part: whenever I find him staring at a girl he denies it and he start swearing that he wasn’t looking at her. Even I seen him with my own eyes its not that I pank him in the first sight but I try to ignore the first look, second one and I talk in the 3rd one. I did explain it maturely to him that its not right at all and if you want to look I am gonna look back or smile back to any guy strais at me and we will see how you gonna react with it!!!! He was angry and started yelling at me if I ever think about looking at any man.

 

so the question remains unanswered: do you look at other men and think about how hot they look?

 

of course you do. everyone does. its natural. its one's ability to keep it at admiration and never acting on it that makes the difference.

 

so you can't get mad at him looking, because you can't lie, you look too.

 

 

Please Tell me what would you do if you were in my situation???

 

like I said, everyone looks. but if the problem is he breaks his neck to look at women while with you, maybe you can look at a hot guy around him and go "mmm mmm, yummy".

 

Then if he gets mad, you can tell him. "I'm not really thinking that and wanting to do it in front of you, but since you feel the need to look at women while with me, i thought I'd give you a taste of what you dish out to me in public".

[Rafaela]

so the question remains unanswered: do you look at other men and think about how hot they look?

 

of course you do. everyone does. its natural. its one's ability to keep it at admiration and never acting on it that makes the difference.

 

so you can't get mad at him looking, because you can't lie, you look too.

 

 

Honestly i do believe that they are so many hot guys around but i dont stare at anyone, if i look once just because this person comes across my direction its fine, but the prob if i keep looking at the same guy again and again then its disrespectful. thats what i am trying to explain to my BF that i dont mind if you look at a girl once but when you keep staring many times at the same person then what does supposed to mean?

 

he admitted that staring at women is something wrong to do, and when i see him doing it he denies it for me there is 2 explanation maybe he is doing it in purpose to make me jealous or he is not satisfied with my beauty thats why he keeps searching and rolling his eyes around.

 

Common don’t tell me, its men’s habit, we have fathers that they r men before all and they hv been in marriage for years that’s why we see it wrong.

Please tell me even I don’t know what is your gender but Honest question what a man still looking around if he got a beautiful lady, educated, loving person with a big heart, Virgin and she kept herself clean for her right man !!!!

 

Is being a good person nowadays doesn’t work anymore?

[Memphis Raines]

Common don’t tell me, its men’s habit, we have fathers that they r men before all and they hv been in marriage for years that’s why we see it wrong.

 

no, I won't tell you its men's habit, because it certainly isn't me. I am like you, I find other women attractive, but I don't go out of my way to look at them.

 

and I've known women to be just as bad. Hell, one thing I notice women doing more than men is, that men may get caught looking, but alot of women I've been with saw nothing wrong in letting me know verbally how hot another guy is.

 

 

Please tell me even I don’t know what is your gender but Honest question what a man still looking around if he got a beautiful lady, educated, loving person with a big heart, Virgin and she kept herself clean for her right man !!!!

 

going out of his way to look at women, no, it shouldn't happen. but just because someone has someone beautiful, loving, educated, doesn't mean they don't appreciate the looks of someone else.

 

there is always someone more beautiful than you and I, but in the end our SO's should only have real eyes for us.

[Rafaela]

i understand, i just felt bad how my girlfriends never had this issue with their fiancees or BFs, thats why i had so many questions in my mind maybe i am just with the wrong person!!! but if i am gonna break up with him and be with another who's gonna do the same thing then what is the point of breaking up anyways!!!

 

i ll try to do the same thing if i see him staring at any girl in public again, i dont wanna be as jerk like him, but i will give it a try.

 

Thanks a lot

[Memphis Raines]

I will say that if you have a significant other that breaks their necks to look at the opposite sex, that is someone that can't be trusted with a 10 foot pole.

 

given the perfect opportunity if they think they won't be found out, they will cheat.

[Rafaela]

I will say that if you have a significant other that breaks their necks to look at the opposite sex, that is someone that can't be trusted with a 10 foot pole.

 

given the perfect opportunity if they think they won't be found out, they will cheat.

 

 

Mmm seems like a strong line, can you explain more if u dont mind!!!

[Only Gal]

no matter what happened to you, it really is a disrespectful things to do in front of you. im a jealousy girl myself and i'm a bisex. used to have a gf. and my bf (now ex) took it too much on it. he tot it would be fine for him to do those things since i also like women. once, twice, was ok. but if it's too much then i got mad. he even reached to the point where he said "uuu, check out that ass" to a girl in front of me. i'm skinny, i dont have ass, and she did. how could i not be jealous? i talked to him nicely about it, that i dont like it, but he said "dont u also enjoy looking at women?". one time he said he likes blonde, while im asian with black hair of course. and i caught him always checking out western blonde girls when he was in my place (in SE asia). i was jealous coz i have none of what those girls have. he got mad all the time accusing me things when faults were on him.

honey, if your bf cares about u, he SHOULD NOT do that when he knows it bothers you. if he really loves u he should put your feelings first above anything. if he adores you he would see NONE of otehr women in front or behind you. If he's serious about your relationship he should compromise to what u like and to what u dont like. I know we love a person together with the weaknesses, and THIS my dear is your weakness (mine too), and he does know it, and he should appreciate u the way u are. and not trying to bad mouthing u to his frens makes u feel guilty. if one it would be him defending u in front of anybody including his frens in return of all sacrifices uve done for him. I cant stand this type of men anymore. this type of men makes me feel like being a pure lesbian instead of half. AAAAAAAAHH! just do something and stand up for yourself honey. if girls cant get protection from men and being defended by their men, then the men are worthless. i dont like your bf and any other men who do this especially in front of their women. DISRESPECTFUL!!!!! totally!

[Only Gal]

and he thinks you are a psycho!!!!!! he's a motherf***r! it's you his gf that claimed a psycho. HAH! and he talked bad about u to his frenz! HAHAHAHA! this man ur dating is not worth a trouble at all honey.

listen dear, of course his frens would think u r the crazy one, they are HIS friends. dont listened to what they say at all! even friends defend each other, why cant a bf defends his own gf instead of badmouthing her? get your confidence level up, coz you are a beautiful woman, you have heart, you are a human being and you deserve to be respected!

[Memphis Raines]

Mmm seems like a strong line, can you explain more if u dont mind!!!

 

people that can't control their lust enough to keep from breaking their necks to look at someone they consider hot won't have the will power to keep from helping themselves to that person in a hotel room if they ever found themselves in that situation.

 

its about being able to control your urges. any of the girl's that I dated that were unfaithful couldn't keep themselves from going out of their way to look at a hot guy, much less tell me they were hot (as if I wanted to hear about it)

[Taeyang]

She did mention she didn't look in his presence. And I agree, it's disrespectful!

I can relate to you a lot! I have the same problem with my boyfriend, I mean he does it way less but either way it really bothers me that he would do it in front of me! And it bothers me even more when we talked about it and he was dismissive, saying "It's a guy thing". He did try to understand, and he apologized, but I have the same problem as you. I don't want to tell him anymore because I dont want to push, but I want him to stop it when he's with me! It's not about trust, it's about respect. And I feel the same way as you, I don't look at men or try not to if i notice them when i'm with him so it's not fair that he doesn't try!

 

But I think that the fact that he cheated on you before is a big factor, specially it justifies that you'd be jealous of him even looking at another girl. But you gotta weigh out if it's worth being with someone that can't even try to understand and change this little thing for you, I have. And it does feel like over reacting sometimes, but it's hard to feel this way when you're in a relationship.

 

But In my opinion, it's not hard for a man not to look. I've been in 5 relationships before my current bf and I've never had this problem with any of them! I would talk to him calmly and explain why it bothers you, and that it's a dealbreaker (if it is), and either he stops or you walk. I hate ultimatums, but in this case it's either ultimatum or break up in my opinion.

[Rafaela]

no matter what happened to you, it really is a disrespectful things to do in front of you. im a jealousy girl myself and i'm a bisex. used to have a gf. and my bf (now ex) took it too much on it. he tot it would be fine for him to do those things since i also like women. once, twice, was ok. but if it's too much then i got mad. he even reached to the point where he said "uuu, check out that ass" to a girl in front of me. i'm skinny, i dont have ass, and she did. how could i not be jealous? i talked to him nicely about it, that i dont like it, but he said "dont u also enjoy looking at women?". one time he said he likes blonde, while im asian with black hair of course. and i caught him always checking out western blonde girls when he was in my place (in SE asia). i was jealous coz i have none of what those girls have. he got mad all the time accusing me things when faults were on him.

honey, if your bf cares about u, he SHOULD NOT do that when he knows it bothers you. if he really loves u he should put your feelings first above anything. if he adores you he would see NONE of otehr women in front or behind you. If he's serious about your relationship he should compromise to what u like and to what u dont like. I know we love a person together with the weaknesses, and THIS my dear is your weakness (mine too), and he does know it, and he should appreciate u the way u are. and not trying to bad mouthing u to his frens makes u feel guilty. if one it would be him defending u in front of anybody including his frens in return of all sacrifices uve done for him. I cant stand this type of men anymore. this type of men makes me feel like being a pure lesbian instead of half. AAAAAAAAHH! just do something and stand up for yourself honey. if girls cant get protection from men and being defended by their men, then the men are worthless. i dont like your bf and any other men who do this especially in front of their women. DISRESPECTFUL!!!!! totally!

 

i know exactly what do you mean and how do you feel about such a situation, i don’t stand these type of man either it just doesn’t suit the way i am, the only solution is to break up because i tried to move and forget about it but whenever its comes up to my mind it simply turns my off, my BF is the biggest liar and he knows how to get away with it, i never seen such a person in real life or movies, he deny the reality even if i caught him with my eyes, as he turns it on my neck right away as its all my fault.

[Rafaela]

She did mention she didn't look in his presence. And I agree, it's disrespectful!

I can relate to you a lot! I have the same problem with my boyfriend, I mean he does it way less but either way it really bothers me that he would do it in front of me! And it bothers me even more when we talked about it and he was dismissive, saying "It's a guy thing". He did try to understand, and he apologized, but I have the same problem as you. I don't want to tell him anymore because I dont want to push, but I want him to stop it when he's with me! It's not about trust, it's about respect. And I feel the same way as you, I don't look at men or try not to if i notice them when i'm with him so it's not fair that he doesn't try!

 

But I think that the fact that he cheated on you before is a big factor, specially it justifies that you'd be jealous of him even looking at another girl. But you gotta weigh out if it's worth being with someone that can't even try to understand and change this little thing for you, I have. And it does feel like over reacting sometimes, but it's hard to feel this way when you're in a relationship.

 

But In my opinion, it's not hard for a man not to look. I've been in 5 relationships before my current bf and I've never had this problem with any of them! I would talk to him calmly and explain why it bothers you, and that it's a dealbreaker (if it is), and either he stops or you walk. I hate ultimatums, but in this case it's either ultimatum or break up in my opinion.

 

seems we are in same circle, trust me even if you try to ignore it, it will keep hunting u and killing u from inside then you gonna start acting cold with him from tiem to time and he will get the benefit of u of being moody as he doesn’t know what keeps turning u off sometimes.