DaisyDee Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Hey everyone I've gotten various opinions on this 'issue.' The story is a bit lengthy..anyone kind enough to read it and offer some input is a sweetheart..here goes My friends and I enjoy seeing this indie band that plays in the city every now and then. The 2nd time we saw them, we hung out with them after the show and I made the mistake of hooking up with the lead singer..we didn't sleep together, just made out. I felt a connection that night that I thought was mutual, based on his behavior..I know...'duh!' Musicians get more ass than a toilet seat...but whatever. I still enjoy the band and didn't let that stop me from going back to their shows. So far I have been to 3 of his shows (after 'the hookup')and each time he behaved the same way...a bit sheepish, as if he couldn't think of anything to say to me. The first time was the most awkward. I played it cool when he approached me during intermission, and tried to talk about the music and his new CD. Neither one of us brought anything up about what had happened in the past. He shyly thanked me for coming, and I told him, “of course,” and he said he was gonna get a drink and be back. With that, I joined two of my guy friends for a cigg outside. When I came back inside, he was mingling, doing band stuff..we both kinda avoided each other for the remainder of the night...I figured the awkwardness would end after that night. The last time we went to their show was last Fri for their CD release. Again, I played it cool. I admit I avoided him a bit again this time. He approached me, waved his hand in my face, and put his arm around me. I handed him the CD, he signed it, and I resumed to talkin with my friends and his bandmates. He sorta hovered about a bit, but I paid him no mind. I wasn't a b****, but I wasn't overly friendly either. Later, I am outside, hanging with random people, and he emerges with his instruments, going back and forth to their cargo van. He comes up to me again, gives me another hug and says "Thanks for coming." I respond, "Absolutely," and he says, "…even though you don't like me anymore." I try to brush it off, and say that ain't true...but he kinda stands there, looking down at his feet, then looking up and telling me he liked the way my hair looked that night. I thank him, and complimented him right back, which was followed by more feet shuffling, averted eye contact, and sheepish half-grin on his part, as if to tell me my compliment wasn’t sincere. I just give him a giggly, "Dude, what's your deal?" And his response was a soft, "What's YOUR deal?" I dismiss it and resume my convo with someone else. He's hovering about near me again. Meanwhile, there are about half a dozen other chicks (really cute chicks) hanging around, overtly seeking his attention and gushingly saying his name, asking if he would be going to some bar. Eventually he goes to them. The band was then on its way to an aftershow gathering. He comes back and extends the invite to our group. We opted to call it a night instead. Am I doing something wrong? I feel I am giving him the wrong impression somehow, and he might be wondering why I keep showing up at his shows. All I want to make clear is that I am there to hear them play, have fun with my friends, and show my support as a fan..no ulterior motives, no hidden agenda. I am not there to interfere in his game, nor do I give off that impression…at least, I don’t think so. I keep my distance for chrissake, The other guys are cool as hell..heck, even his brother (who also happens to be their agent) is cool as hell. He thanked us for coming, spent some time chatting with me and gave me his email addy so that he could keep in touch and let me know about some rooftop party they’d be having soon. I don't understand why he continues to act so shady. I don’t want him to be uncomfortable around me..it makes ME uncomfortable too...and I love this band. My friends and I have a blast when they play. I don't wanna stop going to their shows. Gah! What to do? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 He strikes me as both interested in you, and too shy to do anything about it. Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 He does seem interested in you, I agree. I can understand your reasonings behind not wanting to, but from the story I'm not getting that kind of vibe at all. I say give the guy a chance! If you have other input that you don't want to post here, feel free to PM me. Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 I dunno... maybe I'm a little biased in that I've dated a guy in a band before. It was really fun for a while and then when it came to make the decision to date just me or continue dating other people, he chose the "continue dating other people" option. I was really bummed. Just be careful if you decide to hang out with him. It definitely can be weird trying to go to shows after something's happened, but don't let that make you not go to shows. If you don't want anything to happen, it doesn't have to! You'll both forget about the "incident" soon enough if that's what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Originally posted by shamen I dunno... maybe I'm a little biased in that I've dated a guy in a band before. It was really fun for a while and then when it came to make the decision to date just me or continue dating other people, he chose the "continue dating other people" option. I was really bummed. Some do - it is a bummer. I've dated both musicians and roadies before - and still do. It definitely can be weird trying to go to shows after something's happened, but don't let that make you not go to shows. If you don't want anything to happen, it doesn't have to! You'll both forget about the "incident" soon enough if that's what you want. I completely agree here. Thing is, these two need to talk about it. Perhaps they could arrange to go out for coffee or something. It's really awkward trying to have such a discussion at a gig or an aftershow - totally understandable on both sides. I'm thinking if she extends the invite, he'll welcome the opportunity to get it all sorted out. Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 You're right, Reasontosigh. People (not just musicians) make the choice of continuing to see other people even when one doesn't necessarily want it to be that way. My bad. Also agree that if you want (Daisydee) to talk about it, not a bad idea! Coffee is a good suggestion as well. Maybe to ease the tension of the situation, especially if the two of you run around in the same circles. Link to post Share on other sites
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