Dating to Exclusive dating???

[jamesaw]

I’ve been getting to know/dating someone for 5 weeks. We are both Gay. We don’t do the typical Gay things and don’t really associate ourselves with the Gay scene. Over the last 2 weeks we have started to have Sex. This evening we discussed “f**k buddies” and that for me f**k buddies are a “no no” while we are getting to know each other.

 

He said that he doesn’t actively call on any of his f**k buddies but isn’t sure what he would do if one of them contacted him. He has legitimate friendships with some of them but would feel guilty if he did have sex with one of them knowing my point of view on the matter. I was a little taken back but have learnt not to impose my moral teachings on other people so I left the matter open for discussion.

 

I told him that if I was contacted by someone who I have had casual sex with in the past then I would explain that I’m getting to know someone on an intimate level and although I would still have a friendship with this person they would have to respect that sex was off limits. My date said that would make us “exclusive” then? At that point we both put our heads in our hands because that’s not something we want just yet.

 

I don’t think either of us are scared of commitment, we both agree that we should take things slow and see how things progress. But to go exclusive 5 weeks into dating each other is pretty full on and not something we want at this stage or even sure of in the future. But I fully believe that once sex has been instigated it should be between 2 people and not 2 people + f**k buddies on the side???

 

Am I just being a “rubbish” gay? Promiscuity is very much a part of the gay scene and culture in my experience and that’s just not me. I value my health and wouldn’t expose myself to that sort of risk but unsure whether my date would jeopardise or increase that risk by having sex with someone else then with me. We do practice safe sex and I know he would with a f**k buddy, but we don’t practice safe oral sex. I’ve never had an STD or STI and certainly don’t want to start collecting the badges now.

 

I’m happy to continue dating as we are getting to know each other better and continue with us having sex with each other. However, for me it’s a huge turn off knowing that I have to share someone who I care for otherwise I wouldn’t be serious about getting to know them and sleeping with them on a regular basis as we do.

 

If we stopped having sex that would feel like a step back for me as moving to that physical level felt right and natural for us both.

 

I suppose I’m interested in what you fellow loveshack users think about the situation and what might be the best way forward? Answers on a post card please! : )