ThatOne23 Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Well he isn't really bossy but he tells me what to do. Not like in my personal life. But for example if we are at home he will say "baby go get me a glass of water" or "baby go make me a sandwhich" Stuff like that. He doesn't ask he tells me. I have asked him about it and he says that since he works and i'm at home all day i should just do what he asks. He does take care of me and i have never had a job but sometimes i feel like his slave or something. And another thing he wants me to have sex whenever he wants too. If i am tired or just not in the mood he won't stop bugging me about it. Then he will tell me to go down on him if i keep saying no. Again he isn't asking he is telling. If i still refuse he doesn't really do anything he just says "yup" and leaves me alone. But i feel really horrible idk.
kiss_andmakeup Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 You established this dynamic when you agreed to be "taken care of" by him. Do you have children that you stay home to take care of? If not, what's preventing you from getting a job and taking care of yourself? You might feel a little less obligated to take care of him if you make an effort to be an equal contributor.
Excalibur1814 Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 As a male that is pretty much self-sufficient and have been for a very long time, I would never, ever, do what he is doing to you now. I respect my partner (who has just moved in) and she is free to do whatever she likes and as above, until children come along, that should stay the same. Even if he does work he still should not order you or anyone around. If you worked it would probably be the same. I wonder what would happen if you just said, "No". As for the 'other' activities.. he's really out of line there.
Author ThatOne23 Posted June 28, 2011 Author Posted June 28, 2011 We don't have any children. I don't get a job because i don't want to idk. I always planned on being a stay at home mother and me and him do plan on having kids after we are married. I dropped out of college last year and he told me if i didn't want to work i didn't have to. He makes more then enough to support us both.
2sure Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 What happens when you say NO and refuse to comply? Thats an important question.
Author ThatOne23 Posted June 28, 2011 Author Posted June 28, 2011 As a male that is pretty much self-sufficient and have been for a very long time, I would never, ever, do what he is doing to you now. I respect my partner (who has just moved in) and she is free to do whatever she likes and as above, until children come along, that should stay the same. Even if he does work he still should not order you or anyone around. If you worked it would probably be the same. I wonder what would happen if you just said, "No". As for the 'other' activities.. he's really out of line there. Well he doesn't order me around. He just doesn't really give me a chance to say no. If i get him a glass of water he always says thank you and is appreciative. If i say no he will just say okay and go do it himself. He doesn't really get mad he just acts aloof when i say no. And when I was going to school it was different. When i got home he would usually cater to me. And he wouldn't really bother me with anything.
Author ThatOne23 Posted June 28, 2011 Author Posted June 28, 2011 What happens when you say NO and refuse to comply? Thats an important question. He does it himself BUT he acts a bit aloof with me also. Like if we are watching tv and he asks me to do something and i say no he will go do it. And when he comes back he won't talk to me or sit close to me or anything. But he never argues about it and its not like he is really mad. Hard to explain.
kiss_andmakeup Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Well he doesn't order me around. He just doesn't really give me a chance to say no. If i get him a glass of water he always says thank you and is appreciative. If i say no he will just say okay and go do it himself. He doesn't really get mad he just acts aloof when i say no. And when I was going to school it was different. When i got home he would usually cater to me. And he wouldn't really bother me with anything. This tells me it's really not a big deal. He doesn't sound like a domineering, controlling, borderline abusive partner. He simply sees things for what they are: he works hard all day, and you don't. I don't deny that stay-at-home moms have a full time job, but without the responsibility of children, that doesn't hold as much water. Sure, there's laundry and chores, but most single people can take care of those things in addition to their job with no problems. It would be one thing if he got angry or physically/emotionally abusive when you turn down his requests. But that's obviously not the case, so it doesn't really seem like there's a problem. Personally, I'd never be comfortable in such a situation.
FrostFire Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Well there you go then. You can't expect to sit around at the house doing whatever you want while he's working his @$$ off to support you because you want to be lazy and not have a job. He'll only play that game with you for so long. Each time you tell him no since you're not really doing anything anyways is something he will hold against you more and more. It will build up until he explodes and leaves at some point. You are best off to get a job if you don't want to be treated like that. Unfortunately, if you choose not to work because he can support you then you better not have him doing all the other stuff around the house in addition to him working as he'll only be able to do that for so long before he cracks. You've got yourself into this sticky situation and quite frankly you have no right to be complaining if your attitude is being lazy by not getting a job and doing something with your life. Granted giving him sex whenever he wants is a little over the top but the other stuff would seem natural since you're making yourself a housewife.
SteveC80 Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Women by nature want to be submissive even if they dont admit it
utterer of lies Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 We don't have any children. I don't get a job because i don't want to idk. I always planned on being a stay at home mother and me and him do plan on having kids after we are married. I dropped out of college last year and he told me if i didn't want to work i didn't have to. He makes more then enough to support us both. You are setting yourself up for disaster. What if he falls in love with someone else? Or you? Get a grip and get your life in order. This means going back to college or start working, so you at least have something to fall back on. He isn't always going to be there. And if you give him ownership of your life, and total control, don't be surprised if he takes you up on the offer.
Yookie Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 So what are you doing all day that it's so hard to take care of your man when he gets home? Sorry but your JOB is to make him happy if he is supporting both of you. You could easily be replaced.
LadyFlame Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 The least you could do would be to make him food and suck his cock if he's working all day; If I wasn't working and I was with a man, I'd look FORWARD to it every evening!
musemaj11 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Get a goddamn job! You think your bf can whine too when his boss tells him what to do at work?
P&R Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 You are setting yourself up for disaster. What if he falls in love with someone else? Or you? Get a grip and get your life in order. This means going back to college or start working, so you at least have something to fall back on. He isn't always going to be there. And if you give him ownership of your life, and total control, don't be surprised if he takes you up on the offer. What he said. Most relationships do not stand the test of time, in otherwords they're fickle. What will happen if he decides to break up with you OP? You will be left with nothing, and let me tell you most men would not put up with you sitting at home doing nothing. You will probably run home to your parents if you guys break up but they won't always be there for you either. Sooner or later they'll get fed up with you sitting at home doing nothing too. My advice to you; go to school, get a job, get a life. Your world is fragile and when it breaks you have minimum wage jobs to look forward to. Don't think that you will be able to do the things you want to in life with that amount of money. You won't even be able to support yourself. Essentially; right now you're not in any position to complain.
phillyfan Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Dude, u dont earn money, u doint work, u dont have goals, u dont study, u dont do nothin, u r just there, spendin his money, livin in his house that he pays the bills for. And there aint no reason for that - u r young, u shud be out there makin sumthin of urself. That sucks dude. If u guys split u aint got nothin, no education, no job, no nothin. When he met u, I bet u were more independent, studyin hard, etc - I bet he liked that. Now u r just there, hes lost his respect 4 u, thts why he treats u like that.
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