MandyC18 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 So ive posted other post in the break up forums. Anyways if you know my story "barely breathing with a broken heart" and " break through...finally" you know whats going on. However i know i would take him back whenever he comes around...its all i want, is us to be together again! But after i did the whole begging and pleading come back to me phase and after reading forums on here i realized your ex doesnt want some unstable girl. If you want your ex back again you gotta be the girl he fell in love with in the first place. So i tried this NC thing but with my own rules. I would make him come to me instead of me getting all sappy and going to him. Other rules follow but my main important ones were wait for him to come to you and dont bring up the relationship! For the past week (7days) it worked! He came to me and i went to him like 3times but nothing major and nothing bad came from it! But last night he got all protective again because i posted a status and he thought it was about some guy. He chatted me on facebook (came to me first though) and we had an ok convo. I kinda thought we were back at square one but we will see if he contacts me again today.So im waiting for him to come to his senses so i can give him and us another chance...what do you think? does reverse psychology really work? Advice! Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 There's no guarantee but sure there are many success stories of this working. I've often seen this referred to as a "180" tactic, usually in relation to divorces or rocky marriages, but it can be applied to regular relationships too. The idea of doing a 180 is that you've tried the pursuing, you've tried reasoning with them, and it doesn't work, so why not try the opposite? I can be very counter-intuitive, it feels like the worst idea in the world, and it can be scary. But I'm currently in the process of giving it a shot too, before giving up completely. I got dumped in March but we've been in contact ever since. We've run the full spectrum from hanging out like nothing ever happened, to having brutal tearful arguments when I try to get her to come back. So recently, I've done a 180, I've stopped. First I just stopped initiating the conversations about getting back together. That helped us calm down and enjoy our time together again. And just this week, I've decided to stop doing the initiating all together. I went for a drive with her on Sunday night and we had a good time and it's clear she still has feelings for me, and I decided to take advantage of the fact that those feelings aren't completely gone yet, and try to let her miss me. Haven't texted her, called her, or seen her for 2 days now. Is it hard? Hell yeah. Part of me is still screaming to text her or meet her after work or something and get her to talk to me, but I'm trying to resist. Currently I have no idea if it is working or if she is just relieved that I am finally out of her life. But I'm sure it's at least having some effect, she must be surprised that she hasn't heard from me or that I haven't come to meet her after work. A person who leaves you and then still has easy access to you, or who is constantly reassured (by our own actions) that we will be there waiting for them any day they decide to come back, has nothing to worry about. So in certain situations, with certain people, it does work, to rattle their cage a little bit and make them realize that you aren't waiting around anymore. Either way, this is all similar to the basic concept of No Contact, in that you'll already be on your way to focusing on yourself, rebuilding your own life, and getting used to not making your entire day about your ex. So it's a good final stop to make on the journey to giving up for good. Taking a few steps back and not pressuring your ex might just get the results you're looking for. If they still aren't bothered by the fact that you're happy without them and moving on.... then it's probably never going to happen. Sounds like it may be working out for you. Let him keep coming to you. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MandyC18 Posted June 29, 2011 Author Share Posted June 29, 2011 yeahh i hate it! why should we have to go from talking everyday to having to play a game on who contacts who first. But yesterday we had no contact at all, for the first time in a week or so. He was invited to stay over a night this weekednd a couples days ago or whenever i mentioned it. Idk if he will or not but still, this no contact thing is so hard. Im taking the chance on either driving him crazy that im not contacting him or drive him away all together... Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Ok, if you are going to play this game, you are not playing it correctly and right now you are not in the correct mindset to play it correctly. You really need a couple months to heal for you to be able to play this game which is why NC is important. It also depends on the dumper's mental state. If the dumper is high self esteem, it wont work. If the dumper has low self esteem, it will but only after a lot of time to the point where you will be indifferent. My ex tried playing games with me right after the breakup because she knew she could. I went from alpha male to complete beta in the matter of 2 months. She had me on a string and I was dangling like a champ for the first 2-3 weeks after the breakup. The very last serious conversation we had was 9 days after our breakup and I was doing a tactic called mirroring to her. Its to get what they really are thinking at least subconsciously out on the table and then your goal is to crush it into the ground. She told me that she wanted to be friends and I said in order to do so, we would have to take things slow. But then I 180d the conversation and threw out a dating frame in her direction and right after I threw it out I said you know what, I do not think I could ever date you again, this is the 2nd time you have done this bull**** to me. Guess what her response was "Well we could but we would have to take things slow" So at this point, I know what she wants, she wants her cake and eat it too. She wants the lust and the love but wants to lust more right now. When shes done with that shes going back to the love or she thinks she is. Guess whats going to be crushed when shes done with trailer park guy in a couple months Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 you guys should really move on to relationships that do not involve games. I started dating her because I was tired of playing games and guess what happened. a year and a half of bull**** games. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MandyC18 Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 for me its not more of a game but more of reassurance. I know i will go to him, obviously i care and miss him immensely. But im tired of going to him first, i need to know he misses me...i want to chased after and cared about too. Our relationship is not games, its confusion right now. Link to post Share on other sites
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