I cheated on my husband

[confusedheart24]

My husband and I have been married for 10 months, together for 6 years. A couple of days ago, I went out with my best male friend (known him for 10 years, he was in our wedding) to a concert and got very drunk. We ended up fooling around... No sex, but still. We stopped a couple of times knowing that it was the wrong thing to do, but we continued. We've always had an emotional attraction to each other, but never physical. This was the first and last time this will ever happen. He is my best friend and I don't want to ruin that AND I am so in love with my husband.. it was such a stupid thing to do and I realize that. My friend also realizes that it was stupid (he has a girlfriend) and never wants it to happen again either. It was honestly a stupid, drunken mistake. I can't tell my husband because he will be completely devastated and I know that I would loose him. If it was just a "fling" I don't have to say anything right? I don't want to hurt him... I just have to now live with the guilt. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

[reboot]

A mistake is transposing two numbers on your tax return. This was not a mistake, it was a case of very bad judgement, and drinking had nothing to do with it. If you have an 'emotional attachment' with this guy, you had no business going out on a date and drinking with him in the first place.

[Lonesomedove]

im not going to tell you how bad that was. but im going to be honest, drunk or not you can still control your actions. you only do what you want cause you wanted to at that time. You love your husband so my suggestion is to be honest and tell him. Communication is a big factor in a marriage. If you dont you will always feel guilty and maybe in time might feel he is or will cheat on you for the simple fact that you cheated on him (its a guilt thing) Yes he may be mad at you but at least you told him and you were honest. then work on gaining his trust back and tell him it was a huge mistake. Dont argue with him cause he has every right to be mad and maybe want to leave. But let him vent and cool down and tell him it happened once and will never happen again and gow much you truly love him. Tell him what you have told us on here.

On the other hand you can keep it to yourself and move past it. You may feel guilty but as long as you never do it again and truly love him in time the guilt will fade. But when you cheat and feel guilty the feeling might make you think he can or will cheat on you. It's upto you what you want to do. But i say tell him and try gaining his trust back if he decides to stay. Some men do stay. Besides you didnt sleep with your friend just made out so its not as bad as sleeping with a man behind your husbands back. Hope this helped.

[Bryanp]

If the roles were reversed wouldn't you expect your husband to be honest with you? You have been married only 10 months and you claim your love your husband so much? I am sorry but you judge a person by their actions and not by their words.

 

This is so sad that you would disrespect your husband this way. Your guy friend should no longer be your best friend. It should be your husband.

 

You can get over this by being open and honest with your husband. He has a right to know. You clearly simply do not wish to suffer any consequences to your actions. A truly respectful and loving wife would be honest with your husband and apologize to him. The bottom line is either you have a marriage and relationship based on honest and respect or one based on lies and deceit. The choice is yours. Do the right thing. I wish you luck.

[Chi townD]

Yeah you feel guilty and you think you will suffer through the guilt. But, you're not going to be the only one suffering. Your husband will suffer as well and he won't know why. With someone that is guilt ridden, you're going to put up and emotional wall between your husband and yourself. You will have a hard time looking him in the eyes. It will hurt to say "I love you", you may reject him in bed and you may feel that you have no right to be happy. He's going to pick up on these things. He's gonna know something is up.

[confusedheart24]

Thank you all for your advice.. whether I wanted to hear it or not. I know what I need to do... thank you.

 

Now, if anyone knows how I delete this account, please let me know. I had just come on here for that piece of advice and I know now what I really need to do... so I want to close this chapter of my life.

 

Thanks

[rafallus]

Let's make it clear.

 

You don't want to tell your husband (from the very beginning), and only wrote here to hear from others, how is it such a brilliant decision not to tell him ("No! Don't tell him! You'll be screwed if you do! He'll then leave you, you'll get fat and nobody ever will love you!")

[GorillaTheater]

Thank you all for your advice.. whether I wanted to hear it or not. I know what I need to do... thank you.

 

Now, if anyone knows how I delete this account, please let me know. I had just come on here for that piece of advice and I know now what I really need to do... so I want to close this chapter of my life.

 

Thanks

 

I don't think they delete accounts here, so no joy on that one.

 

I hope you really take the advice you've gotten to heart and do the right thing. Your H has the right to know.

[whammy]

Yeah you feel guilty and you think you will suffer through the guilt. But, you're not going to be the only one suffering. Your husband will suffer as well and he won't know why. With someone that is guilt ridden, you're going to put up and emotional wall between your husband and yourself. You will have a hard time looking him in the eyes. It will hurt to say "I love you", you may reject him in bed and you may feel that you have no right to be happy. He's going to pick up on these things. He's gonna know something is up.

 

and your a fool to think this urge or attraction with this guy is dead in the water.

[AGStacker]

You are right about one thing, he would, and should, definitely leave you!

 

You only were able to get through 10 months of marriage. You are not worth his time.

[2themoon&back]

If your big enough to do it ...... be big enough to own it!!

[vsmini]

My husband and I have been married for 10 months, together for 6 years. A couple of days ago, I went out with my best male friend (known him for 10 years, he was in our wedding) to a concert and got very drunk. We ended up fooling around... No sex, but still. We stopped a couple of times knowing that it was the wrong thing to do, but we continued. We've always had an emotional attraction to each other, but never physical. This was the first and last time this will ever happen. He is my best friend and I don't want to ruin that AND I am so in love with my husband.. it was such a stupid thing to do and I realize that. My friend also realizes that it was stupid (he has a girlfriend) and never wants it to happen again either. It was honestly a stupid, drunken mistake. I can't tell my husband because he will be completely devastated and I know that I would loose him. If it was just a "fling" I don't have to say anything right? I don't want to hurt him... I just have to now live with the guilt. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

You know - I'm a reasonable person and I hate myself for admitting this but the more and more I hear things like this the more I'm convinced that men and women just cannot be friends. Something ALWAYS ends up happening at some point.

 

My boyfriend and I were talking about this the other day and we were both hesitant to talk about it because neither one of us wanted to appear that we didn't trust each other or want to offend each other's loyalty....but we were both pretty much on the same page....we don't think it's really possible.

 

You can never talk to this friend again if you want to keep your marriage together - if your husband doesn't divorce you.

[whammy]

they cant. No man or women really wants to be close to someone unless they are attracted to that person. It is that way 100 percent of the time. No husband is worried about his wife's new work "friendship" with greg the 300 pound janitor. No married man is getting texts, behinds his wives back, from his 60 year old boss that looks like Kathleen Turner. I know alot of people dont want to say they are shallow but we all are. People are driven by attraction. And even with non married single people its the same way.. there is ALWAYS an ulterior motive when it comes to men and women in friendships. Me, personally, I have never pursued a friendship with a woman because it has never, and will never, interest me. In high school me and my friends had a group of girls that we always hung out with and all I ever did was try to get on them... never really talking to them about outside of that even though we all spent 2-3 days a week together, outside of school, for 3 some odd years. In college, any girls I spend time with either had a crush on me or had a crush one of my friends or it was the other way around with me using them in some way. and its like that in the real world... The ONLY thing that brings men and women together is attraction... that is it... if your man or woman is spending time with a person of the opposite sex it is 100% fact that they are sexually attracted to that person.

Edited July 1, 2011 by whammy

[bikinibeach]

wow...you are pretty pathetic. you husband must be a true moron to have married the likes of you.

 

people like you truly disgust me.

[Memphis Raines]

My husband and I have been married for 10 months, together for 6 years. A couple of days ago, I went out with my best male friend (known him for 10 years, he was in our wedding) to a concert and got very drunk. We ended up fooling around... No sex, but still. We stopped a couple of times knowing that it was the wrong thing to do, but we continued. We've always had an emotional attraction to each other, but never physical. This was the first and last time this will ever happen.

 

you got that right, because you shouldn't ever be hanging around this so-called "friend" again. you crossed the line. if you ever hang out with him again, consider yourself disrespecting your husband beyond what you already have.

 

 

He is my best friend and I don't want to ruin that

 

too late. you have shown that this is more than friends. any further contact with this guy is disrespectful to your husband.

 

how would you like your husband hanging around a woman he screwed around with behind your back?

 

 

AND I am so in love with my husband

 

if you were SO in love with your husband, you wouldn't have screwed around on him.

 

but this is your chance to prove that you love him. sever ties with this other guy.

 

 

.. it was such a stupid thing to do and I realize that. My friend also realizes that it was stupid (he has a girlfriend) and never wants it to happen again either. It was honestly a stupid, drunken mistake.

 

 

no, it wasn't honestly a drunken mistake. because to say that is to downplay your behavior, like you should be given a pass on this.

 

you did it because you wanted to do it. dont blame the booze. if anything drinking drops the inhibitions and makes people do what they really want to do in the first place, just didn't have the guts to do while sober.

 

 

I can't tell my husband because he will be completely devastated and I know that I would loose him.

 

maybe you need to lose him if you think you should still be able to keep this guy as a friend.

 

ok, so you cheated. 1st disrespect

 

you aren't going to come clean so he can make his own decision about what kind of person he wants to be with....disrespect #2

 

and now you think you should be able to keep this guy as a friend?

disrespect #3.

 

its bad enough that you displayed the first 2 instances of disrespect. if you aren't going to tell him, then at least do ONE thing right by him and do not EVER go out with this guy again. that was a disaster waiting to happen in the first place.

 

If it was just a "fling" I don't have to say anything right? I don't want to hurt him... I just have to now live with the guilt. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

yes, again, if you aren't going to come clean, and even if you did, sever ties with this guy. otherwise you'd be spitting in your husbands face and he wouldn't know it.

 

your husband trusted you to be in the company of another man, and you pissed on that trust. end it with this other guy. too bad if you want to still go out with him. you screwed that up.

[Memphis Raines]

Thank you all for your advice.. whether I wanted to hear it or not. I know what I need to do... thank you.

 

Now, if anyone knows how I delete this account, please let me know. I had just come on here for that piece of advice and I know now what I really need to do... so I want to close this chapter of my life.

 

Thanks

 

something tells me you don't know what you need to do, and wouldn't do it even if you did.

 

i think you didn't like hearing that you need to be done with the other guy and are going to keep soliciting advice until someone says there is nothing wrong with keeping a guy as a friend you messed around with behind your husbands back.

[OldOnTheInside]

I agree to you miss confusedheart about not telling your husband even thou that was a real wrong

 

Care to expand on why she shouldn't tell? It doesn't have anything to do with covering her own *ss does it?

 

But of course, the hubby is too stupid and weak to make his own decisions in life, his dear wife must "protect" him from the truth and think for him.

 

obvious troll is obvious

 

I would think so. With her disappearing act and all.

[Dust]

My husband and I have been married for 10 months, together for 6 years. A couple of days ago, I went out with my best male friend (known him for 10 years, he was in our wedding) to a concert and got very drunk. We ended up fooling around... No sex, but still. We stopped a couple of times knowing that it was the wrong thing to do, but we continued. We've always had an emotional attraction to each other, but never physical. This was the first and last time this will ever happen. He is my best friend and I don't want to ruin that AND I am so in love with my husband.. it was such a stupid thing to do and I realize that. My friend also realizes that it was stupid (he has a girlfriend) and never wants it to happen again either. It was honestly a stupid, drunken mistake. I can't tell my husband because he will be completely devastated and I know that I would loose him. If it was just a "fling" I don't have to say anything right? I don't want to hurt him... I just have to now live with the guilt. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

So you went on a date with your “friend.” Drinking, and a concert just the two of you. Why would your husband be ok with this. I mean he should have known you were trouble when he first met you 7 years ago with you’re male best friend. That’s your husband fault for not making you stop such an inappropriate relationship. Your husband should have walked away from you if you refused to stop spending private time and going on dates with your boy”friend.”

 

Now you want to know if you even have to tell you’re husband? I believe in treating people the way I’d want to be treated if I was in their situation. If I was in your husbands situation which is hard for me to imagine because I would never knowingly marry some one who goes out drinking alone with other men, I would want to know. So you should tell him. You also should stop all friendship, dates, and any contact what so ever with this great friend of yours who you go out drinking and kissing with while both your significant others are none the wiser. Let me explain something to you about men. We don’t regularly talk or spend alone time with girls we aren’t into. The fact that this guy does it with a married woman while he has a gf means he is just as bad as you. You admit to being emotionally attracted to the guy. So even before you had this physical affair you were already cheating with an emotional affair. If it was obvious then your husband is foolish to put up with it. Maybe he has female friends he regularly spends alone time with and gets drinks with. Maybe he is dating some one on the side to so that’s why he is so cool with it. Kind of an unspoken open marriage.

 

wow...you are pretty pathetic. you husband must be a true moron to have married the likes of you.

 

people like you truly disgust me.

 

 

You should feel sorry for people like her. I mean who is she kidding going out on dates with her friend. She has had an emotional affair with the guy since before her and her husband met. I think her husband is a fool to go out with a woman like her, I mean it must have been obvious she was pretty much dating this other guy. Really if she told him she was going out to a concert with the guy how could he just be ok with that. Just the two of them. Well maybe her husband is just as bad and has his own “friends.”

[John Michael Kane]

I really do not understand comments like the above. There is no need, none at all to make those statements.

I'm not defending the OP's actions, because I do believe she ought to tell her H because he has a right to choose his future, and who he spends that with, that means knowing all about those around him. But I really do wish we could keep it civil and actually helpful where possible. There is absolutely zero need to tell someone that they disgust you, and that they are pathetic. OP made a very bad choice, but we aren't here to call people names and be a bitch about it. We are here to offer advice, support (in the various forms) and if we can't do that without resorting to comments like that, we ought to leave or not say anything at all.

 

OP, you've received some good advice (just ignore the one I quoted) and I hope you choose the right path. I always think honesty is the best policy, because everything else you have with your H will be built on a foundation of lies. He may not leave you, and if he does, maybe it would be the right thing. But he still deserves to know. What if he finds out some other way? Think about it. Also, I'd reconsider the friendship because from hereon out your H needs you to be transparent, to know he can trust you or build trust with you. Keeping a friendship going with a fling is never a good idea. You know what you have to do otherwise you wouldn't have posted here.

 

Sorry but coddling is not what LS is for, and those comments were true in every way.

[avenger]

You should tell your husband. If I was married and if my wife was honest about it then I could respect her for at least telling me. It will not stop the punishment to have her sleep on the couch lol! but you can work on that issue. No person man or woman is perfect but you have to keep the communication open...

[rafallus]

I offered advice, and support, which is what LS is here to do. Not to insult people.

 

I don't think she wanted support. I think, she wanted to hear some approval to her decision: "No, don't tell him"

[John Michael Kane]

I do not coddle, I tell it how it is, but I also do not and will never stoop so low as to insult someone. That poster could have offered something to the thread, but didn't, instead, chose to insult the OP and her H. How was that helpful? It wasn't.

LS is a place for support, of all kinds, but not for insults. I hate that that seems to be what people are believing it's for. When I joined, there was little of that. It's not even a form of intelligence to insult someone. It's...just stupid.

 

This is a public board with anonymous posters. If one cannot take advice (especially viable) then that person has a serious problem. LS is here to give advice, not to coddle.

[John Michael Kane]

I offered advice, and support, which is what LS is here to do. Not to insult people.

 

No such thing as insulting one on an internet board.