co51 Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 We met in a class where we had to work together on a group project. Everything was normal for a few weeks but then one day after class we ended up talking in the hallway for about 2 hours. The conversation was unlike any of my normal types of conversations with acquaintances because I’m a very private person. This conversation was pretty deep. Afterwards, I wondered if there was something there but dismissed the idea. A few days later, he called me about something to do with the project and then the conversation got a little deeper. Afterwards, I again wondered if there was something there and dismissed it again. I got involved in an extracurricular activities and honestly thought he would make a good addition to the team. So, I invited him and he accepted, which meant we spent still more time together and got to know each other better. About two weeks into this project, we got together to hang out. We spent the night talking, very deep conversation. We got physically intimate, as in cuddling, kissing on the cheeks, not making out or sex. The following day, we met to study and he came to pick me up and immediately wanted a hug. Everything seemed pretty good but, I kind of got the feeling that he was holding back on getting too physical, i.e. kissing on the mouth. It seemed to me, that he wanted to take that slow. I did not do make a move for that but was still as cuddly. The following day we had class together and hung out before it. I honestly believed that there was something going on between us and acted it. That night, we chatted online and he said that he was not ready to get involved in a relationship because he had just ended a four year relationship four months ago. This was crushing to me but, I took it well and tried to continue the friendship. Friendship is working out just fine and I try not to touch him much at all. However, I still do every once in awhile, which he does not mind at all. In fact, he even reciprocates. We still hang out together a lot, have deep conversations, use terms of endearment, and even engage in serious flirtatious talk (i.e. talk about having sex in a joking sort of way). However, I am seriously troubled by this relationship because 1. It is more emotionally intimate than any relationship (female friends included) than I have ever had. I really can talk to him about anything (this is not usual for me as I am VERY Private). Also, I think it is the same for him because he has said so. 2. He displays all cues that there is something there (i.e. his face really does light up when I enter a room, he verbally expresses that I am important to him, he leans forward in his chair when I am speaking and looks at me very intently, he is reluctant to leave when we are together, and sometimes the look in his eyes is just too...interested) 3. I am having difficulty not wanting him to be mine. 4. I am blowing off other guys. I am to the point that I must do something now. As I’m not sure I can push these feelings away, I am considering ending the friendship immediately and having no further contact with him. Of course, hope lives freely in my heart. Therefore, I request advice. Someone please just tell me honestly that he is not just scared, that words speak louder than actions, and that I’m correct to cut my losses now rather than later. Oh, you might also add in that I’m just a rebound person too. Thanks for your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Bobbie Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 have a friend like this, I tried to be upfront with him and he said he wasn't ready for a relationship, but then he continues to flirt, which I find pretty disrespectful....especially that deep looking into my eyes...hard to believe he can just turn it on, it feels so real. I think he's emotionally unavailable and the level of contact which just frustrates or confuses me is all he can do right now. I have backed him off into the casual acquaintance corner! because real friends don't play mind games, right? To be honest these days I am only interested in friendships which are positive and reciprocal. One thing I know is pay less attention to what people say and everything to what they do! If he calls you, initiates contact and is attentive and caring towards you then its probably just like he says- he's not ready yet, but he likes you. Sounds like you'll just have to wait and see, not a good idea to push a relationship if he's not ready, but you're quite right to leave off with the love-stuff if it's upsetting you. It's always a good idea to cultivate lots of friends anyway, & maybe date a few other guys for a while? Link to post Share on other sites
Author co51 Posted April 21, 2004 Author Share Posted April 21, 2004 Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it and I agree I should put some space between us. Hope everything works out well for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Bobbie Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Thanks. It won't, unless he changes and then some! I love this Wendy Cope poem, she must have written it for me! Defining the problem I can't forgive you. Even if I could, You wouldn't pardon me for seeing through you And yet I cannot cure myself of love For what I thought you were before I knew you. Link to post Share on other sites
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