What should the next step be?

[whatwhit]

I'll try to make this brief and straight to point as much as possible. I met this guy lets call him Chase online. We hit it off really well. I was pretty sure he was in to me....i'm pretty sure he knew i was into him etc. We had been talking for a month. He just got out of a 5 month relationship last month..soo i guess he could be looking for a rebound who knows. So, he came and visited me last weekend. He still had his dating profile active/ still logged in. So, I was going to mention to him how I was thinking about deactivating my profile. So before I had the chance to do all of that. As we were planning/ trying to get the details for the weekend he texts me this statement word for word, " Yeah, I plan on coming. But before I do I wanted to tell you something. I honestly can't see myself getting into any kind of relationship right now, I want to keep seeing you and if we work out later that's cool, but it could be a while, and I don't want to hold you up. I thought I was ready when I got on the site and everything, but now I feel like I'm just jumping into something :/ and so I was like , "soooo....meaning" and he was like, "nothing..i still wanna come, i guess i just need to completely get over his ex lets call her stephanie". So the weekend happens and it was sooo much fun. I remember asking if he still likes me and he said he did or he wouldn't have drove all the way (he lives 2 hours away) to see me. So, I met another guy online and have a date with him on thursday!

 

For one..what does the whole, "But before I do I wanted to tell you something. I honestly can't see myself getting into any kind of relationship right now, I want to keep seeing you and if we work out later that's cool, but it could be a while, and I don't want to hold you up. I thought I was ready when I got on the site and everything, but now I feel like I'm just jumping into something " statement mean.

 

and should i tell him about my second date.

 

and three would playing hard to get (which is really hard for me by the way) be the trick to get him more interested?

 

Thank you for your time!

Whitney

[hestheone66]

I know exactly how you feel. "chase" probably does like you a lot. He also is prob horny and it's always good to know there is someone when you want some company and fun. He also knows that he's not ready to have a relationship.. and it doesn't sound like you are either.

 

I'm a big advocate of dating widely esp when you are not finding ppl that are wanting to be anything more than a bit of fun. As long as people are honest (which it seems Chase is) nothing else needs to happen until one or more of you develops strong feelings... that's in the future.. Try not to second guess and live each day as it comes, and you seem sensible enough.

 

I'm in a similar situation. My LDR (see other posts) got involved with a woman while he was pining for my return ( we didn't have a specific timeframe to remeet soon after we met - and gave each other permission to date etc). Unfortunately.. she was a gold digging user and has bled him dry in the short time they've been together. We never stopped having very strong feelings for each other and would meet whenever we could,. with or without his girlfriend present (she never knew we had been intimate).

 

Early this year I met a man who wanted to be very serious very quickly. He has strong feelings for me and wanted a commitment. I had told him of my feelings for LDR, as initially we agreed to just date for casual fun, no strings etc). At the same time, I told LDR about this new chap and thought i could make a go of a real longterm committed relationship with him, so that i was going to move on from LDR, though we'd always be friends etc.

 

Within 2 weeks, LDR paid me a surpise visit (2 hr plane ride distance) and stayed a few days.. We went out, he wanted to meet my new BF, but timing didn't permit. Finally on the last day, we had a tearful farewell at the airport where i poured out my true feelings for him - (that he was the love of my life, and i always felt that we'd end up being together) he almost didn't get back on the plane.

 

Funnily enough, I was strong and said we should both make a go of our relationships and if we were meant to be we would find each other without hurting anyone else.

 

My BF over the ensuing months had a lot of his own health/lifestyle issues to sort out and announced that although he loved me a lot he couldn't expect me to be in a relationship with him until he'd healed. I didn't take it lightly and tried to get him to allow me to help him sort stuff out.. he declined and wanted to stay friends, I declined.

 

I told my LDR after a week of my breakup.

 

2 weeks later his GF threw him out with no possibility of a reconciliation

 

We are now working more seriously to build a future together within the next 18 months..

 

My point being.. honesty, strong feelings will win out!! Don't stress, life has a way of working out well.

 

Good luck and keep me posted

[JadedAmore]

I have to agree, honesty and communication are the keys to any relationship - friendship or relationship wise.

 

If he's just looking to keep you as an option while he continues to browse around on the site for other potential dates, I might be one to dismiss him (or just keep him as a friend). However, if he is serious and is really feeling unsure of himself and the state of mind he is in to jump into a relationship, give him the time he needs and use it to get to know him anyway. What could it hurt?

 

Also, I would probably let him know about the date. It shows you're not hiding anything, which bounces back to the communication factor.

 

Good luck!

[whatwhit]

We were talking online. Just casual talking. We talk probably every day on facebook chat. I of course always initiate its...well for the past week I suppose. And he mention how his ex roommate (whose a girl) by the way told him that he hurt her cause she liked him or whatever. And I told him that when he sent me that message I state previous about "doesn't think hes ready for a relationship....." that it kind of hurt me but it was either beat myself over and it and not talk to you again..or take it for what it is and get to know you better...i told him i chose option number two...and he was like," aww..its what i do...i just feel like....i can't get too close to anyone..its like my curse...i'm glad you chose option number two. So like we get past that conversation talking about different topics. And then I was just like ok i'm going to go ttyl k gnight. Didn't give him chance to respond and I woke up this morning to this he sent this at like 3 in the am by the way, "Sorry, didn't get to tell you g'night'....i'm sorry you were hurt when i sent that message but i'm really glad i met you and i love having you as a friend :)". So that pretty much means he friend zoned me huh?

 

I replied back with this, "woah. 3 in the morning crazyness. So, i just have a quick question cause i think i have the right to know. So, do you like have any feelings for me what so ever...and wanna do the friend thing til you're over stephanie or whatever....then maybe later down the road we could try to date..or no?

 

 

imput please and thank you!

 

Whitney