Ex (apparently) left rebound, what's my next step?

[LittleMonkey]

The story so far: 4.5 years relationship, dumped me almost 5 weeks ago, found out she's found another guy 2.5 weeks after she dumped me(which devastated me completely). After trying to recover from the shock, I've been trying to improve my life. Reflecting on what went wrong, working out, going out, finding a new job, moving (soon) to an apartment etc.

 

So yesterday I was talking to a friend of mine, about the whole being dumped business, how I'm coping and stuff. It's been almost 5 weeks of NC, and the only life sign I received from her is her 'Liking' a pic of my cat that I've uploaded to Facebook (a few days before that).

Her liking the pic made me wonder what is it about, I hardly believe she'd do that for no reason. It also means she went to my profile...

Anyways talking to my friend, I told her about the rebound she's having, and said what's the deal with that and liking. So my friend (without asking) went to her profile page (she also has her on the friends) and told me the accursed 'In a Relationship' with the rebound (which appeared there about 2.5 weeks ago) is gone, and her status is now blank. I said maybe it's just her making that relationship stuff private, but my friend again went to the rebound guy's profile and told me he's stated as single.

Now I don't know how long it's been like that, but I'm thinking what to do next. Maybe now's the chance to make first contact? Maybe her liking the pic is 'sniffing around' to check if I'm mad at her? Maybe she's afraid to make first contact? Up until the 'Like' I really thought she resented me, but both of these details may cast a different light on things.

Another thing, here birthday's less then a month from now, I thought if I won't make contact until then maybe that will be a good 'excuse'. I'm just worried I have a window of opportunity now and don't want to miss it.

 

So what do you think guys? These days I feel sort of fine most of the time, still remembering her and missing her a lot.

[wilsonx]

The story so far: 4.5 years relationship, dumped me almost 5 weeks ago, found out she's found another guy 2.5 weeks after she dumped me(which devastated me completely). After trying to recover from the shock, I've been trying to improve my life. Reflecting on what went wrong, working out, going out, finding a new job, moving (soon) to an apartment etc.

 

So yesterday I was talking to a friend of mine, about the whole being dumped business, how I'm coping and stuff. It's been almost 5 weeks of NC, and the only life sign I received from her is her 'Liking' a pic of my cat that I've uploaded to Facebook (a few days before that).

Her liking the pic made me wonder what is it about, I hardly believe she'd do that for no reason. It also means she went to my profile...

Anyways talking to my friend, I told her about the rebound she's having, and said what's the deal with that and liking. So my friend (without asking) went to her profile page (she also has her on the friends) and told me the accursed 'In a Relationship' with the rebound (which appeared there about 2.5 weeks ago) is gone, and her status is now blank. I said maybe it's just her making that relationship stuff private, but my friend again went to the rebound guy's profile and told me he's stated as single.

Now I don't know how long it's been like that, but I'm thinking what to do next. Maybe now's the chance to make first contact? Maybe her liking the pic is 'sniffing around' to check if I'm mad at her? Maybe she's afraid to make first contact? Up until the 'Like' I really thought she resented me, but both of these details may cast a different light on things.

Another thing, here birthday's less then a month from now, I thought if I won't make contact until then maybe that will be a good 'excuse'. I'm just worried I have a window of opportunity now and don't want to miss it.

 

So what do you think guys? These days I feel sort of fine most of the time, still remembering her and missing her a lot.

 

 

I Will tell you right now... KEEP NO CONTACT, if i was you id block her on facebook so she doesnt play these games to make you think she might be interested. If you think about it and listen to all the other people on the forums, if she really really wants you back in her life she will stop at nothing to make it happen.

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

Your next step?

 

 

Do what wilsonx says and stay NC, if she wants you she will contact you. Also, if you are thinking about reconciliation don't delete her on facebook. either deactivate your profile or at least hide her from your news feed, and DO NOT look at her profile.

[LittleMonkey]

Your next step?

 

 

Do what wilsonx says and stay NC, if she wants you she will contact you. Also, if you are thinking about reconciliation don't delete her on facebook. either deactivate your profile or at least hide her from your news feed, and DO NOT look at her profile.

 

Look, I really don't know what's been going on on her side. I wasn't 'stalking' her facebook. Her feed is already hidden. My friend checked it out without asking me. Deleting her from facebook would be and act of spite, and I don't want to give that impression. And about ignoring her birthday, I really thing that's no option, as I think it would be really rude..

[wilsonx]

Look, I really don't know what's been going on on her side. I wasn't 'stalking' her facebook. Her feed is already hidden. My friend checked it out without asking me. Deleting her from facebook would be and act of spite, and I don't want to give that impression. And about ignoring her birthday, I really thing that's no option, as I think it would be really rude..

 

actually you are wrong, its not spiteful, its all about you now. Screw what she thinks. You need to block her. You really do. I am 29 years old and I hate facebook and only have one to reconnect with friends, the second we broke up her and I, I blocked her that day. You think its easy? **** no but I would go insane if I did not, I would click her pictures, re-minis and I would go no where. I can tell you it was the best decision I ever made.

 

Her and I were best friends for over 2 years and then we dated for over a year and a half. Our relationship ending actually crushed me into the ground because she wants to date some 37 year old guy she works with and party with him. She's 23. Imagine a friendship like that ending because your ex is immature and socially retarded.

 

I am in a better place then I was 3 weeks ago but it hurts me everyday that she just ended our everything because she wants to party with him. In a few months, hopefully I'll be indifferent about it and most days I do really well with only about an hour or so of anger depression and tears

[LittleMonkey]

actually you are wrong, its not spiteful, its all about you now. Screw what she thinks. You need to block her. You really do. I am 29 years old and I hate facebook and only have one to reconnect with friends, the second we broke up her and I, I blocked her that day. You think its easy? **** no but I would go insane if I did not, I would click her pictures, re-minis and I would go no where. I can tell you it was the best decision I ever made.

 

Her and I were best friends for over 2 years and then we dated for over a year and a half. Our relationship ending actually crushed me into the ground because she wants to date some 37 year old guy she works with and party with him. She's 23. Imagine a friendship like that ending because your ex is immature and socially retarded.

 

I am in a better place then I was 3 weeks ago but it hurts me everyday that she just ended our everything because she wants to party with him. In a few months, hopefully I'll be indifferent about it and most days I do really well with only about an hour or so of anger depression and tears

 

I understand you, but look, I'm really not checking her page or pics or anything. The thing is also that it's been almost 6 weeks, so deleting now might come off as rude, especially IF she's thinking about me (again IF)

[wilsonx]

its not rude, you can do what ever you want.

 

who cares if shes checking your page, do you really want her back? She broke up with you, got a rebound that flopped, why would you want to be your own rebounds rebound.

 

I use to be all for going back to my ex if she came back but the more I think about it, the more I watch my friends chasing their ex's and going through hell and back to get them back, the less and less I want her. I have 3 friends that still talk to and try to chase their ex.

 

Friend #1, she left him for some other guy, hes single, goes sleep with a lot of women, it did not work out for her so she tried to come back, she sees women's underwear in his room from after the breakup, now she doesn't trust him. LOL but she broke up with him so she could go get another guy. They text and call each other everyday and they are miserable to each other. This has been going on for over 8 months.

 

Friend #2, Ive known this guy for over 10 years. Him and his gf have broken up over 7 times. Theyve dated other people, shes dated other people while he sat there and watched (can you IMAGINE how painful this is to watch your ex date and hook up with other people). Now they are back together but he has absolutely no dignity left in him. If they break up again, he's going to be coo coo for co co puffs.

 

I'm tired of chasing my ex. Its not worth it. She was a terrible gf and anyone that chooses someone else over me is not worth my time. Do you really want to come 2nd place in someone's life

[brokenfaith]

I concur with unfriending her on Facebook. You're just going to be reading into everything she posts. If you ask your friends to constantly check in on her, they're either going to get annoyed or it's just going to delay you finding yourself.

 

I told my ex when he dumped me that I was going to unfriend him. I removed him and ALL his good friends because not only do I not want to see updates about HIM through their pages, but I also don't want them giving updates to him about me. If he wants to know what I'm up to, he can call or contact me online. It also helps me resist the urge to look at what he is doing. I'll admit, I went through a long stage of asking "has he posted anything?" "are there pictures of his 'friend' he's seeing on facebook?" and it only made me paranoid and read into EVERYTHING.

 

I made the decision to not ask my friends anymore what he posts and not try and find the answers myself. It's hard not to wanna know, but it's helping ME regain myself.

[radiodarcy]

your next step is to stick to NC. you won't know that she's thinking about you unless she comes out and outright says so. just because she broke up witht he rebound doesn't mean she's interested in getting back together. maybe she's dating around or maybe she just wants to be single for awhile. it doesn't matter if she's checking your page - - the fact of the matter is she hasn't reached out to you directly so you really have no idea where her head is at this point.

 

i actually thought about that -- what if i found out the ex broke up with his girlfriend? would it give me hope? no. want to know why? because as wilson stated - - i wound up being his rebound from his breakup the last time i reached out. and it sucked. what sucked even more is once he felt better and had his ego boosted he dumped me again to go out and find someone else. ouch! ouch! and ouch! :(

[LittleMonkey]

Thanks for your opinions. As for Facebook, I'm really NOT checking her news/profile, I've hidden her, and made it so she can't see me online on chat.

I'm thinking about calling her on her birthday. I know what some of you might think, that it's a bad idea, but I think not calling would be rude. Calling her might clear the air a bit and show her that I'm happy with life etc.

 

Now if that evolves into something more it won't be instant therefore no rebound stuff. I'll make sure to make it right. Of course, all of that depends on her actually answering the phone.

[vsmini]

Thanks for your opinions. As for Facebook, I'm really NOT checking her news/profile, I've hidden her, and made it so she can't see me online on chat.

I'm thinking about calling her on her birthday. I know what some of you might think, that it's a bad idea, but I think not calling would be rude. Calling her might clear the air a bit and show her that I'm happy with life etc.

 

Now if that evolves into something more it won't be instant therefore no rebound stuff. I'll make sure to make it right. Of course, all of that depends on her actually answering the phone.

 

I've never seen someone more worried about being looked at as "rude" than his own well-being.

Calling her will show her you're still on standby and you're cool with being a potential fallback boy. Seriously - you need to get real with yourself.

Is she worried about being "rude" to you? probably not.

[samm84]

I think Facebook is the worst thing ever invented when ex girlfriends are involved.

 

I would have to advise that you don't pursue this at all.

 

If I were in your shoes (which i kinda am) I would also be guilty of looking too deeply into this. From an outsider perspective, a "like" is just a "like" and the fact that the rebound might be over is not an indication that she wants to be back with you.

 

You sound like you've been doing really well with moving on, you would hate yourself for going back to square one!

[andyg99]

I'm thinking about calling her on her birthday. I know what some of you might think, that it's a bad idea, but I think not calling would be rude. Calling her might clear the air a bit and show her that I'm happy with life etc.

 

.

 

DON'T DO IT! If she cares and wants to consider getting back she will call but don't hang your hopes on it... do this instead on her birthday: pick up the phone and call either your mom, your dad, your sister, your brother, your grandmother, your grandfather, call someone who will be truly appreciative of hearing your voice and tell them you love them! you're a good guy and you deserve better as all of us do who are going through heartache...

[RuinedLife]

I Will tell you right now... KEEP NO CONTACT, if i was you id block her on facebook so she doesnt play these games to make you think she might be interested. If you think about it and listen to all the other people on the forums, if she really really wants you back in her life she will stop at nothing to make it happen.

 

I completely agree with this. If she wanted you back she would call, ask to hang out at least or ask if you can talk and try to work things out.

 

But in any case sounds like she was really terrible to you to start dating this "rebound guy" so soon after she broke up with you. So even if she did want you back would you really want her back? Don't get me wrong I know love is a powerful force and I still love my own ex more than ever, but if he really is happier without me and doesn't love me like I love him then I know I must let him go no matter how much it hurts.

 

As for the birthday thing, I would advise to stick to NC if you think her not responding or telling you about some other new rebound guy she has might set you back. Because it could happen. I know you don't want to think about it, but if she could move on that easily one time then it could happen again. And if you're not recovered from your breakup (which you seem not to be) then hearing about something like that is only going to hurt you again, big time.