Chantilly Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 26 yrs is a long time to put up with the things I've put up with. I put up with them for the kids, because I loved him & was trying to do the right thing. But now I see that the right thing for me to have done was to leave yrs ago! I thought my kids needed their dad in their home but now I feel like a failure because they deserved so much better. My husband is very degrading, humiliating & disrespectful to me & our children. Our daughter & him argue constantly! She says she hates him & both of my children have asked me more than once over time to leave him. My son is now grown & has anxiety attacks & depression. I'm sure it's from his childhood. What have I done? How do I get out of this mess? I have no degree. I worked while he went to school & had jobs at times that our kids were either asleep or could go with me to work because I didn't feel like I could leave them with him. Our daughter is now about to be 17. I can never go back & change the time that we have already experienced but surely I can have a better life than this because I can't do this any more. I'm sad & a little pissed but mostly just need to know how to do this without getting screwed over any further than I already have. Any suggestions are appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 No one wins with a divorce, except lawyers if you involve them. The best you can hope for is to stop loosing. I have to ask, why now? Your daughter is 17, still living at home & I would imagine still in school? So why right now, why are you "pissed off" right now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chantilly Posted June 29, 2011 Author Share Posted June 29, 2011 Because there is no kindness, consideration or respect. He says mean hurtful things to me & my daughter. Not so much my son any more because he does not live with us now. He has episodes of anger & breaks things, gets in my face & screams for I know it had to be at least 10 minutes. It's just bad & not getting better. I have waited too long. He is also not here for me financially. I have a job & my own business. I help pay some of the bills. He always wants me to give him more until I have given him every penny I have then if I have a flat on my car, he won't help me get it fixed. I do not have access to any of "his" money. That has not been a problem for me though because I have had a job & was able to get the things I needed. He has a spending problem. I hate shopping. I know, we are backwards! Usually it's the women. What brought it on was a couple of days ago, after he had spent all his check on a new recliner, a new cell phone & a new mount to go in his pickup to hold his phone while he was driving. Oh yes & a new electric saw of some kind that he thought he had to have. So then he was asking me for more money, which i gave him because I didn't think I would need it before I got paid. But then a got TWO FLAT tires out of the blue & am now stranded. He doesn't care. I don't have access to the credit cards either so I have been driving his motorcycle to work. Thank God I don't work far from home. By the time I get to work I am covered with sweat it is so hot out right now. His reply when I asked him to let me put the tires on the credit card was that I need to work more hours or get another job to go with the one that I have. True I only get 20 to 30 hrs a week where I am not but they pay better than most places & I already have so much I'm doing with my business. My business that I have from home is a cattery & I breed exotic cats. The money that I get from them comes from March to about Oct. No litters during the winter. So I have to have another job to bridge the gap during the winter. I keep my other job year round so I can have the things I need & so I don't have to ask him for anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chantilly Posted June 29, 2011 Author Share Posted June 29, 2011 These screaming fits & breaking things have gotten better but there have been so many. And the things he says is just mean spirited & not even true. Our kids have heard them & for this I am ashamed that I have stayed when I think back on it. And the way he got right in my face & mashed his nose on mine while he was screaming was just out there. It still hurts me to remember it. The last screaming fit he had was about 2 weeks ago & it would be ok with me if I never had to hear another one ever as long as I live! I can't even look at him. I can barely look at myself! Like I said, I think it is just over. Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 First of all if you fear for your safety; GET OUT NOW. In any case, contact your local domestic abuse, sometimes called safe house, they will be able to advise you what support available in your area. Your going to want to make sure he does not have access to your money, this includes CC, checking and most importantly savings. In some states you will have to file for divorce to to this that is why I advise you contact domestic abuse or similar group for advise. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Does he drink? Because that's not normal... Link to post Share on other sites
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