amethyste Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Hi again, Many thank you-s to everyone who replied to my first thread. I went back to my hometown for a couple of days because I got really sick and I didn't want to be all alone with so many things on my mind. Now I feel better & I've also solved some of my other problems. Some details about my situation: LDR (but we've seen each other), we kinda broke up last year (I say "kinda" because even if we were more distant, he was still saying that we're going to see each other again, and he was acting as if he was more than just a friend), we've continued a very ambiguous relationship up to a couple of days ago. Some days ago: he did something really odd. It is a long story & I don't know all the facts - but I can tell you that it was related to him playing with other people's lives & feelings (remorseless, apparently). He's 33 yr old, and he likes to think that he's very mature, wise & that he always does the right thing. Well, he didn't. That's why I knew I had to put an end to this. I decided to do this while I was at my parents' house. And I did it. I sent him an e-mail Saturday. I have no idea if he got it because he didn't reply. I'm glad on one side that he didn't transform this in an ongoing series of e-mails, but I'm curious if he got/ read it. Anyway, it won't make a difference. I wasn't dramatic in my e-mail. I've tried to explain him my decision. I haven't said anything like: "I love you/ I miss you/ I'll miss you/ You'll regret this/ You've destoryed my life" etc. I was scared to death of NC because I knew that once I go this way, there's no way back. And after all, what could I say to him if, let's say I'd like to contact him again? There's nothing else left in this world I could do or say to change this situation. I'm not afraid that I'll break down and contact him; there's no point in doing that. I've also deleted all the messages I had from him, his phone number, our pics, our videos, our convos (my IM keeps a convo-archive) & I got a new IM id. I've kept just a paper with his name & some dates, just in case. I've deactivated my Fb account. *rolls eyes* Fb again. I have deleted him from my friends list last year, when I initially wanted to go for NC, but he kept appearing on my home page *blah blah blah*. Fb didn't bring me anything good, except for some laughs with my friends. It was a constant source of stress & worries ("what if something bad will happen over night, while I sleep? I must check my Fb page!") I also had reoccuring nightmares in which I was finding all kind of bad news from Fb. I'm pretty sure I was having these dreams because in reality I really did find out all kind of things via Fb. I've decided that I don't need something like this in my life. I don't wanna be a creepy stalker because of Fb (especially with their new features), I don't need to post pics of myself, and if I have something to say to the people I know, I can do that on the phone or online. Right now, I'm better than I imagined. I had a tiny shock for a couple of days, when I realized this is it and that I finally have to go for NC, but it's gone (the shock). I'm trying to go on with my life, just like I did until now. I'll try to watch more movies & to read more books. I'll have to work, I'll need time for my hobby etc. I'm definitely not over him, and there are times when I miss him, but life goes on. The only thing that scares me is that I won't find someone else with his qualities, but I don't want HIM, him personally, back. I guess I'll have to wait for a while and see how these feelings are going to evolve. That's all for now. I'll be back later with a "random thoughts" thread, because I keep reading the stories around here and all kind of things pass through my mind Link to post Share on other sites
Author amethyste Posted June 29, 2011 Author Share Posted June 29, 2011 LE - I logged on to my old IM id to recover some friends' ids and I had a blank, offline message from my ex. It appears it was sent at an hour he was supposed to sleep. I think it's a bug or something, and I don't plan to use this thing to contact him. Btw, I use Yahoo's IM, and I was wondering if this happened to anyone else... Anyway, see you tomorrow LS, cuz now I'm going to sleep. *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts