Author conehead Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 no! you want to encourage conversations to get more connected! to have fun! no need to make him think that when he calls you - you are just going to complain about what he didn't do right for you. keep it light - keep it fun! maybe ask him what he's been doing since you saw him last and see if he mentions what he did last night... I know but what if he ignores me text again? If I dont mention it wouldnt I be letting him get off the hook for ignoring my text...wouldnt i be condoning bad behavior? I mean I havent even had sex with the guy and him ignoring my text made me want to break down in tears...I mean how can I ever trust him to have sex if this is the case? In this case, wouldnt it be better for me to just drop him? Confused Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I know but what if he ignores me text again? If I dont mention it wouldnt I be letting him get off the hook for ignoring my text...wouldnt i be condoning bad behavior? I mean I havent even had sex with the guy and him ignoring my text made me want to break down in tears...I mean how can I ever trust him to have sex if this is the case? In this case, wouldnt it be better for me to just drop him? Confused well - IF he ignores you or your text don't see him again... or see him when YOU want to... he doesn't need to know how you feel right now - but if you are collecting evidence of whether or not he's into you - that is a strike against him... stop thinking of having sex with him - he hasn't given you any evidence that you should even be considering it. tears? good god girl, why are you handing so much power to him over a text? trust is earned... IF he hasn't earned your trust or doesn't soon - then dump him. why is he planning to call so late? is there keeping him from calling earlier? Link to post Share on other sites
KOH Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I know but what if he ignores me text again? If I dont mention it wouldnt I be letting him get off the hook for ignoring my text...wouldnt i be condoning bad behavior? I mean I havent even had sex with the guy and him ignoring my text made me want to break down in tears...I mean how can I ever trust him to have sex if this is the case? In this case, wouldnt it be better for me to just drop him? Confused wow, you need to let it go. when I get good night/morning texts, I never reply, a reply is not warranted at all, & not replying to a good night text is not in any way a bad behavior. I actually don't reply unless there's a question involved or something, the "I just had a ham" texts, I just read them, I don't need to reply saying "oh, I'm not having a ham, good for you", those conversations usually turn awkward, when you warrant a reply to every text, then nobody knows when the conversation ends, & since both parties will feel the need to reply, boring topics would be brought up, in the end, you'd feel the relationship is boring, & frankly, the worst quality in a woman is neediness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 he doesn't need to know how you feel right now - but if you are collecting evidence of whether or not he's into you - that is a strike against him... stop thinking of having sex with him - he hasn't given you any evidence that you should even be considering it. trust is earned... IF he hasn't earned your trust or doesn't soon - then dump him. why is he planning to call so late? is there keeping him from calling earlier? First bold point - So you agree him ignoring my good nite text was bad right? I mean I find myself telling myself that maybe he thought my good nite text was the reply to his kissy text yesterday afternoon...but I feel like that will be too much of a stretch huh? Second bold point - Actually he has. He asked me about my thoughts on sex over the weekend...I told him Im one to wait a few months...he said he doesnt mind waiting. He's a 33 yr old virgin though..I wonder if he is just desparate and after me for sex. Third bold pt -- Soon? Oh gosh, how long is soon? 4th bold pt - I texted him 9p to talk, he texted 3 mins later that he just got back from the gym and needs to eat dinner. I guess he's having a 1.5 hr dinner.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 wow, you need to let it go. when I get good night/morning texts, I never reply, a reply is not warranted at all, & not replying to a good night text is not in any way a bad behavior. I actually don't reply unless there's a question involved or something, the "I just had a ham" texts, I just read them, I don't need to reply saying "oh, I'm not having a ham, good for you", those conversations usually turn awkward, when you warrant a reply to every text, then nobody knows when the conversation ends, & since both parties will feel the need to reply, boring topics would be brought up, in the end, you'd feel the relationship is boring, & frankly, the worst quality in a woman is neediness. I see texting like any conversation. If someone said to me 'good nite', id be rude not to say good nite back...esp if its from someone I supposedly like and am dating Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 2sunny - honestly, do you think the guy im dating here is just a dud??? Did I kiss another frog? Link to post Share on other sites
KOH Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I see texting like any conversation. If someone said to me 'good nite', id be rude not to say good nite back...esp if its from someone I supposedly like and am dating it is a form of conversation, but what do you expect when you text "I'm taking a walk"? besides, you seem to have your own set of rules on when to & NOT to reply, you thought kisses don't warrant a reply but "good night" does, someone else might think otherwise, you either need to set the rules straight, or leave it alone, & I recomment you wait a few months before bringing that up, because that would probably scare him. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 First bold point - So you agree him ignoring my good nite text was bad right? I mean I find myself telling myself that maybe he thought my good nite text was the reply to his kissy text yesterday afternoon...but I feel like that will be too much of a stretch huh? Second bold point - Actually he has. He asked me about my thoughts on sex over the weekend...I told him Im one to wait a few months...he said he doesnt mind waiting. He's a 33 yr old virgin though..I wonder if he is just desparate and after me for sex. Third bold pt -- Soon? Oh gosh, how long is soon? 4th bold pt - I texted him 9p to talk, he texted 3 mins later that he just got back from the gym and needs to eat dinner. I guess he's having a 1.5 hr dinner.... i do think it's a bit rude for him to NOT respond. but hey, he's probably on another date - and can't communicate while he's with another gal. my room mate does that. so i know it happens. when a guy goes MIA - it's usually because he's with someone else. and the virgin - well, he CAN tell you what he wants... but why would he ask about sex when he hasn't experienced that yet... why rush now? i think he lies. that's my gut tho. and the late - or later call... well :rolleyes: honey, he's more likely on a date... again. I see texting like any conversation. If someone said to me 'good nite', id be rude not to say good nite back...esp if its from someone I supposedly like and am dating see all of the above. and don't believe everything ANY guy tells you - get evidence that the actions match the words. now you asked him to call... would he have made YOU a priority and called you IF you hadn't requested it? hmmm, maybe not, probably not - especially since now he's going to call so late in the evening. either way, he's a VERY BUSY guy and doesn't seem to think he needs to call you. just his lack of effort and loving behavior and suspect actions would be enough for me to say thanks, but no thanks. get out and get busy... stop waiting for him - find friends to do things with. whata time is it there now. btw, it doen't take 1-2 hours to eat dinner... Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 You see what's happening here, is you're becoming attached to him in terms of a "relationship" without actually being in one yet. "Good night/kissy kissy" things can mimic a relationship, and that's not where his head may be at, at this point in time. Maybe for now, it's best that you just stick to dating each other and have fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 You see what's happening here, is you're becoming attached to him in terms of a "relationship" without actually being in one yet. "Good night/kissy kissy" things can mimic a relationship, and that's not where his head may be at, at this point in time. Maybe for now, it's best that you just stick to dating each other and have fun. He called me 'sweety' via text this week for the first time. He also initiated the kissy emoticon for the first time this week as well. So I kinda thought we were going more into RS mode...then he pulls this thing where he ignores me text...and now im just thrown into this state of utter confusion Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 He called me 'sweety' via text this week for the first time. He also initiated the kissy emoticon for the first time this week as well. So I kinda thought we were going more into RS mode...then he pulls this thing where he ignores me text...and now im just thrown into this state of utter confusion I'm going to try to be nice but most likely will fail. Are we really in an age where we take a flirty "sweety" text and use an EMOTICON as hallmarks of relationship status? :confused: Dear god. I do not like this world we live in. I think you should put the texting down. No good ever comes from texts and couples who rely on more significant modes of communication are much better off as far as being on the same page with each other. Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 He called me 'sweety' via text this week for the first time. He also initiated the kissy emoticon for the first time this week as well. So I kinda thought we were going more into RS mode...then he pulls this thing where he ignores me text...and now im just thrown into this state of utter confusion That B@stard! Try not to be confused, it's one missed text. Try to let it go. If it keeps happening, then maybe mention it to him, that it hurts your feelings... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 He called me 'sweety' via text this week for the first time. He also initiated the kissy emoticon for the first time this week as well. So I kinda thought we were going more into RS mode...then he pulls this thing where he ignores me text...and now im just thrown into this state of utter confusion is it possible he sent it to the wrong gal? :eek::eek: oh my, i hope not - but - it does happen! Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 Ok I just got done talking to him. I did end up asking him about the text...but it was more along the lines of telling him that my phone has been wacky at sending text messages and I wasnt sure if he got my text last nite and he said 'oh, yea i got it, i didn't reply' then he giggled and he said 'thank you for the text' and then he giggled again. Ugh. He asked me what i was doing for the long weekend and I said im hanging out with friends n family then he said 'oh, thats cool...this saturday is my dad's bday' and I said 'oh cool'. He didnt ask me out, I didnt feel like asking him out ofcourse. We talked some more about random stuff. Conversation lasted for maybe 20 minutes then I told him i need to go sleep. He said 'ok nice talking to you' and then we hung up. I feel pissed, and sad at the same time. I'm so done with this guy Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 so why didn't you ask him if he's dating someone else? sounds like he has a date for saturday... i support your decision... to not see him further. Link to post Share on other sites
GildedLily Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Oh god a 33 yr old virgin? Gross; this would be a HUGE red flag for me. I suspect he has big time intimacy issues as well as being emotionally unavailable. Reason" for most guys, having sex is the gateway to a relationship growing (if the guy wants a relationship) usually a guy needs to have sex prior to developing strong feelings for the girl (not always; mostly) Him, not ever having sex says to me that he didn't want to be emotionally vulnerable with a woman. Second: stop assigning meaning to emoticons:love::bunny: I just sent you 5 of them and believe me they mean nothing! Read Baggagereclaim.com she talks about men who communicate via text; it's a superficical relationship at best. Third: you are doing way too much, you need to hold yourself in higher regard. You need to learn to trust yourself and your gut. Link to post Share on other sites
LexiB Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Yep after reading everything else I concur that this isn't going to go anywhere - at least not anyyyyytime soon that's for sure. Since you don't multidate, best to break it off and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Oh god a 33 yr old virgin? Gross; this would be a HUGE red flag for me. I suspect he has big time intimacy issues as well as being emotionally unavailable. Reason" for most guys, having sex is the gateway to a relationship growing (if the guy wants a relationship) usually a guy needs to have sex prior to developing strong feelings for the girl (not always; mostly) Him, not ever having sex says to me that he didn't want to be emotionally vulnerable with a woman. Second: stop assigning meaning to emoticons:love::bunny: I just sent you 5 of them and believe me they mean nothing! Read Baggagereclaim.com she talks about men who communicate via text; it's a superficical relationship at best. Third: you are doing way too much, you need to hold yourself in higher regard. You need to learn to trust yourself and your gut. Love baggagereclaim and what Nat has to say about texting. I'm the anti-texting woman. It's cute for quick little info messages and a sweet thing to say every now and then....not as a substitute for real communication. I bet guys love texting -it's the ultimate loophole. You can make a girl think you're good at keeping in touch with her and communicating with out ever calling her. I'm not directing this at the OP but everyone in general. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 It hurts that there I was yesterday just completely heartbroken, and for him, when I talked to him on the phone last nite.....he just was his usual giddy self all clueless and all....I hate that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 He probably wont contact me ever again...and as pissed/hurt as I am, I have no choice but to suck it up and move on. I hate how impersonal non-exclusive dating is.... Link to post Share on other sites
Lilmisus Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Am I the only one that finds it somewhat amusing that the fact that he's a 33 year old virgin and that y'all live an hours drive away wasn't enough for you to say no to the guy, but him not replying to "good night" is? Personally, I find the lack of his response not a red flag at all. I've received good night and good morning texts and quite a few times have I not responded. It's a great thing that not all the guys have run for the hills from me for not responding, or else I probably would have no track record with dating. I think it's just your insecurity and your knowing that something is probably up with this guy to begin with that made you freak out over his not responding. I say, don't worry about it. Don't say he'll never call/text again, and don't just assume that he's going on a date this weekend or seeing someone else. Chances are, he is, but don't just assume it over his not contacting you. But, since you aren't official and especially since you don't even live in the same area, don't hold it against him for going out with others, just hold it against him if he lies to you or leads you on to believe that you're his one and only right now. I think you should move on though. Find someone who lives in your area and who you don't have to work to have daily communication with, who you can see more than just over the weekend. Also..don't go for the 33 year old virgin again (which I doubt he is one btw). My reasons aren't because of his lack of texts, it's just that this relationship is already set up for failure if you're getting so attached already, and you live so far away. Link to post Share on other sites
LexiB Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 He probably wont contact me ever again...and as pissed/hurt as I am, I have no choice but to suck it up and move on. I hate how impersonal non-exclusive dating is.... Yeah, this is why I promote multi-dating in the early stages. In my experience, not putting all my eggs in one basket right from the jump helps to keep my emotions in check. The result, is that when a guy flakes out like this, it usually doesn't warrant more than a shoulder shrug from me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 (edited) I say, don't worry about it. Don't say he'll never call/text again, and don't just assume that he's going on a date this weekend or seeing someone else. Chances are, he is, but don't just assume it over his not contacting you. But, since you aren't official and especially since you don't even live in the same area, don't hold it against him for going out with others, just hold it against him if he lies to you or leads you on to believe that you're his one and only right now. 1.5 weeks ago we were talking about RS and I told him that I want to find someone who is my number 1 and I want that person to feel that I am his number 1 as well. He looked at me and told me 'Well, you're my ONLY one'.....this was 1.5 wks ago so maybe he met someone else in the meantime or changed his mind I suppose..... We talked bout building on our RS and talked deeply on things...did not come off as casual at all. Edited June 30, 2011 by conehead Link to post Share on other sites
Richard Friedman Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Ehh I doubt this guy was a 33 yr old virgin. Most guys that would probably be a clingy mess and this guy seems too aloof. And from the sounds of it he seems to be multidating? So all of a sudden he'd getting a bunch of dates just as he met the OP? Sounds like a tailormade lie. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 Seems like most people believe he is lieing about being a virgin (he also claims im the first girl he ever kissed). I actually believed him and never thought he lied!! Maybe im too innocent and gullible . If he truly lied, that is scary, cuz he'd be the ultimate player I ever encountered. Link to post Share on other sites
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