iris219 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 1.5 weeks ago we were talking about RS and I told him that I want to find someone who is my number 1 and I want that person to feel that I am his number 1 as well. He looked at me and told me 'Well, you're my ONLY one'.....this was 1.5 wks ago so maybe he met someone else in the meantime or changed his mind I suppose..... We talked bout building on our RS and talked deeply on things...did not come off as casual at all. Didn't the bolded part strike you as a major problem? It's insulting and a major red flag. He was basically saying that he was with you for lack of other options. At least he was honest, but it seemed you interpreted his statement incorrectly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 Didn't the bolded part strike you as a major problem? It's insulting and a major red flag. He was basically saying that he was with you for lack of other options. At least he was honest, but it seemed you interpreted his statement incorrectly. No there was no reason for him to mean it as an insult. He has told me once that he's never dated and part of it is because he is really picky...he said he likes me because he thinks i have alot of good qualities hard to find in someone. Either way his statement implied im the only one he is dating...people do lie though Link to post Share on other sites
Lilmisus Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 1.5 weeks ago we were talking about RS and I told him that I want to find someone who is my number 1 and I want that person to feel that I am his number 1 as well. He looked at me and told me 'Well, you're my ONLY one'.....this was 1.5 wks ago so maybe he met someone else in the meantime or changed his mind I suppose..... We talked bout building on our RS and talked deeply on things...did not come off as casual at all. You don't know if he's seeing anyone else or changed his mind, so stop jumping to conclusions. So the guy didn't make date plans with you for the weekend when talking on the phone? Doesn't mean he has another date. He says you're his only one, and unless you're planning on leaving his ass, just trust it. But I still find it incredibly fishy that he's never been in a relationship, kissed a girl, and has never has sex. I mean, it's possible, and it could easily be that he's telling the truth, but it just seems strange. If that's the case, then I definitely wouldn't look too deeply into his behavior. But. The ultimate thing you need in a relationship is trust. Seems like you don't have it..sooo, knowing that alone spells bad things for this potential relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 No there was no reason for him to mean it as an insult. He has told me once that he's never dated and part of it is because he is really picky...he said he likes me because he thinks i have alot of good qualities hard to find in someone. Either way his statement implied im the only one he is dating...people do lie though I don't think he lied at all. He was saying that at the moment you were his only option. But if he happened to get other options, well then, who knows? Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 But I still find it incredibly fishy that he's never been in a relationship, kissed a girl, and has never has sex. I mean, it's possible, and it could easily be that he's telling the truth, but it just seems strange. If that's the case, then I definitely wouldn't look too deeply into his behavior. You know whats interesting, is that every time he does something that bothers me, I find myself using the excuse that he is probably just clueless because he has no experience with dating. When we had a time where we might have gone 2 wks without seeing each other, that bothered me but he said that 'oh, ive never dated and i didn't realize going 2 wks without seeing each other is considered long time' Thing is, is it right that everytime he has this bothersome behavior, that I brush it off as him being inexpereinced? I feel like in doing that, I've been really unfair to myself. Because the truth is, had it been any other guy I would have automatically said this behavior is unacceptable and dropped the guy (which I have done on multiple occasions). But thing is, why should he be an exception? Really, he shouldn't right? Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 You know whats interesting, is that every time he does something that bothers me, I find myself using the excuse that he is probably just clueless because he has no experience with dating. When we had a time where we might have gone 2 wks without seeing each other, that bothered me but he said that 'oh, ive never dated and i didn't realize going 2 wks without seeing each other is considered long time' Thing is, is it right that everytime he has this bothersome behavior, that I brush it off as him being inexpereinced? I feel like in doing that, I've been really unfair to myself. Because the truth is, had it been any other guy I would have automatically said this behavior is unacceptable and dropped the guy (which I have done on multiple occasions). But thing is, why should he be an exception? Really, he shouldn't right? Oh I've used the "experience" excuse before.....even with guys that had had ex girlfriends. The guy I'm with now....dated barely at all and only a 2 month stint with a girlfriend back in college (age 19). Since then...no real relationship. Now he's 28.....I was worried about his "lack of experience." The guy treats me like a damn queen and knows more about what's important, balanced and healthy in maintaining a relationship more than anyone I've ever known! So yea....those other guys I used to make excuses for...I was silly for doing so. Men know what to do......they might not get it all perfect...but they know the basics of treating a woman they like right. Link to post Share on other sites
LexiB Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 You know whats interesting, is that every time he does something that bothers me, I find myself using the excuse that he is probably just clueless because he has no experience with dating. When we had a time where we might have gone 2 wks without seeing each other, that bothered me but he said that 'oh, ive never dated and i didn't realize going 2 wks without seeing each other is considered long time' ? To the bolded: So in that span of time, he never made an effort to spend time with you? Babe, even if he had been living under a rock his entire life and truly had no clue whatsoever about romantic interactions, he'd still know that 2 weeks is too damn long to go without seeing you if he were genuinely interested. How? Because he'd actually want to see you. He'd have the urge. When you're really into someone, 2 weeks without seeing that person is almost torturous to get through. By the same token, it's a breeze when you're only mildly interested or couldn't care less. You know this. "Experience" doesn't dictate desire or interest. Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 To the bolded: So in that span of time, he never made an effort to spend time with you? Babe, even if he had been living under a rock his entire life and truly had no clue whatsoever about romantic interactions, he'd still know that 2 weeks is too damn long to go without seeing you if he were genuinely interested. How? Because he'd actually want to see you. He'd have the urge. When you're really into someone, 2 weeks without seeing that person is almost torturous to get through. By the same token, it's a breeze when you're only mildly interested or couldn't care less. You know this. "Experience" doesn't dictate desire or interest. I didn't realize it's been two weeks, since you last saw one another. In which case, that would be more concerning, than a missed text. Do you agree OP? Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 I didn't realize it's been two weeks, since you last saw one another. In which case, that would be more concerning, than a missed text. Do you agree OP? No we have never gone 2 wks without seeing other....we at one time thought we might have to due to scheduling conflicts but we ended up seeing each other. I was bothered because he didn't seem to think not seeing each other for 2 wks is considered long. Link to post Share on other sites
LexiB Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Nm (10 characters) Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 He has once told me that because he is so inexperienced, that he wants me to tell him if anything is wrong because he'd have no idea. Right now, I feel like texting him 'we need to talk (over phone) tonight'....because I feel like I need to tell him how I feel about all this. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 On June 13, you started a thread about how he didn't respond to your MMS. I think your concern with how soon / often / avidly this guy responds to your technical communications is not healthy. If this is pretty much the core of your relationship, I fear it does not bode well. You might want to cultivate more intimacy and depth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted July 1, 2011 Author Share Posted July 1, 2011 Seriously peeps, I am truly truly confused as to whether I should end things with him or not. During the week he is like cold -- bad with texts/calls. But when I do see him in person, he is the sweetest thing. For example, last weekend he drove 1hr to see, took me to see my favorite gardens at a museum, and even surprised me with pastries from my favorite bakery he picked up in the morning prior to our date. He loves to cuddle with me and kiss me and put his arms around me as we walk....it makes me keep going back and forth thinking maybe he is just not a phone/text person....or maybe here I am again going in circles and finding excuses for him.... Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 He has once told me that because he is so inexperienced, that he wants me to tell him if anything is wrong because he'd have no idea. Right now, I feel like texting him 'we need to talk (over phone) tonight'....because I feel like I need to tell him how I feel about all this. How about this. You call him on the phone and if he doesn't pick up say, "Hey, it's Conehead. Wanted to catch up with you." I think it's a great idea to discuss lack of phone communication by calling. Banish texting from your repetoire for a while. By you calling, it gets the process rolling immediately. If it's truly lack of experience, he will be happy you talked to him about the issue. This guy sounds like he is great in person and sweet on dates. I think you can overcome this hurdle. Link to post Share on other sites
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