jade_74 Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Been "lurking" on here for a lil while. Guess its time to put my story out there and get some advice. Hope someone has an answer or 2 for me. Here it goes..... I got married when I was 20 only after knowing hubby for 1 yr. We had a baby before we were married. So yes I got pregnant after dating him for 3 months. Fast forward.....16 years!! Now we have 2 WONDERFUL children that I would do anything for. The beginning of our marriage was rough....just like anyones. But we grew up so to speak and started settling into normal everyday life. This past year has been rough. It just seems as if there is no love left. We rarely touch. We tell each other that we love each other only when we leave for work in the am. I believe that is totally out of habit. He can be very verbally and mentally abusive to me and the kids. He's always on our son about one thing or another and actually told our daughter one day that she was the problem in the home -- she's 8!!!! About 2 months ago....I did confront him and tell him that I wanted a separation. I had actually came to a peace about it. Although it scares me to death to even think about being on my own, splitting up my family, raising my kids in 2 different homes, and possibly moving in with my parents. Because there is no way I could ever make it on my own -- financially. I did ask him to go to counseling and he told me that I was the one with the problem....not him. Well at first he agreed to the separation, then the following day he broke down. He was sobbing and crying that he couldn't lose me or the kids. That we were all he had. He knows I'm a very emotional person and this hit right to my heart. So I said -- ok we can try this again. He did change -- for 24 hours! So here I am -- 2 months later -- back in the situation I was. I'm an outgoing girl...I love to laugh and have a good time, but when I get home...I feel like my life has literally been sucked out of me. He's not the touchy/feely kinda person. That's what I crave...I need to know I'm loved...I need to know I'm worth being with other than just a roomate. I don't know what to do. I'm tired of the sleepless nights -- I just wanna be happy again....I need my smile back -- the glow is gone -- I miss being ME!!!!! HELP Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Well you gave him a second chance which only lasted 24 hours. Why not try the same thing again? Tell him you are not happy in the marriage and that if things do not improve then you will have to take some action. Tell him that marriage counselling is not optional if he wants to remain married. You CAN make it on your own! Plenty of people do. There is a lot of assistance and with children you would most likely get to stay in the house while he has to leave. You don't say which country you're in but you may get maintenance/alimony. Definitely worth seeing a solicitor/lawyer about it, but you should know, it's NEVER worth staying in an unhappy marriage just for money. You CAN make it work without him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jade_74 Posted July 1, 2011 Author Share Posted July 1, 2011 thanks so much for replying -- You are telling me exactly what my friends are telling me. I am a strong woman and I do believe I will be ok eventually. Its just very hard to take that initial step. When I had already done it before! The love is gone. I'm ready to move on. It has been one sided for so many years. I'm not sure how the alimony works. He makes alot more than I do...but I do work. I am currently working with a broken leg. lol I'm afraid that because I show them I work..that I won't get any help. Although we have been married for 16 years. Its just all so confusing to me. I suppose my next move will be to go a lawyer. I can see why its so much easier to just stay in a loveless marriage. But I need the ME everyone used to know -- BACK!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Yes go see a lawyer. They will tell you how the alimony works, how much you can expect, and how you can make it work out financially. There is plenty of help out there, it is just a matter of knowing where to get it. A decent lawyer will be able to help you a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
TroyNJ Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 My suggestion is to leave him, make him think it's over...........At least two weeks werth, trust me if he loves you he will change then. Only then will it sink into his head u mean business. Trust me if he loves you he will change and be different. Us men have thick skulls, u have to beat us in the head once in a while for **** to sink in. Link to post Share on other sites
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