Cracker Jack Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 But I see countless posts on here people saying guys really can't be just "friends" with girls. About the working on the project part, I was honest and just wanted to get together and work on it, not as a date, but from her tone she doesn't even want to do that. I'll still sit next to her on wed, but it's going to feel strange now. If she text me about class should i ignore her now? Its odd because she's always very talkative to me and friendly, but when I simply want to hangout with her and get to know her more she shuts that down which doesn't make sense. If she talks to you, don't ignore her. But don't go out of your way to talk to her anymore. Forget friendship, possible hang-out dates, or whatever. It's not going to happen, so you might as well just work on the project and let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Why when I talk to her she was kinda flirty and that, and talked to me so much then?? Because she's happy with the idea of being friends with you (perhaps because you're a nice guy, perhaps because you're working on the same project as her). This latest episode is only a surprise to you, not anyone else. She already told you she didn't want to date you. Link to post Share on other sites
Teknoe Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 I talked to her again a little tonight just to see what she was doing. She talked about going out with her friends tonight and that. I asked her if we could meet somewhere and work on the project together. She kinda deflected the question saying we just need to talk to everyone in our group. I did mention before she goes back to school in Aug if we could go hangout once because I think she's a nice girl. She told me she understands I want to, but said she seriously doesnt have enough time to even hangout with her other friends because of homework and work and that she might not even be able to go out tonight. why am i not surprised... leave the poor girl alone. salvage whatever dignity you may have left otherwise, you keep forcing her hand and your next post will be: "now she doesn't even text me back. i don't get what happened???" please stop pursuing her in any way, even on a friendship level. stop now. it's over. back off, and walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
RovingReporter Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 hey one goal, she's being nice to you because she is being forced to work with you on a group project. There is no other reason so please leave this girl alone Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 It hurts my feelings though I'm nice to her, and she still wont even just go out to have fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Life is going to hurt your feelings a whole lot more before you die. This is a fact. It is past time to learn how to deal with disappointment. One goal, she doesn't want to go out with you. She knows that you aren't interested in going out and "having fun"; she knows that you want to date her and (god forbid) "bone" her. So she isn't going to give you any hope about some magical GF/BF moment occurring over a "Just Friends Latte", because it isn't going to happen. Let. It. Go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 Like she posted she's having friends over tomorrow. Yea it's a no brainer she's using the not have time as an excuse. Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Uh, we pretty much came to that conclusion awhile back. So, you're not going to bother trying with this chick anymore, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 Uh, we pretty much came to that conclusion awhile back. So, you're not going to bother trying with this chick anymore, right? I mean should I try again at the end of the semester? Wont hurt. What do I have to lose? Is it okay to keep flirting with her though? Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I mean should I try again at the end of the semester? Wont hurt. What do I have to lose? Is it okay to keep flirting with her though? You've already asked these questions. They've already been answered. Can't you read? Link to post Share on other sites
Teknoe Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I mean should I try again at the end of the semester? Wont hurt. What do I have to lose? Is it okay to keep flirting with her though? one goal, you ask all these questions here, but I know deep down you already know the answers. you know where she stands. she's not into you even remotely. it is NOT okay to keep flirting with her. Asking her at the end of the semester WILL hurt. You have MUCH to lose. It's called dignity and your self-respect. stop thinking/posting about this girl. Consider this situation dead in the water Link to post Share on other sites
AlexDP Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 The thing about friendship is that you go into it trying to please them, not yourself. Friendship is a selfless act, you don't make friends with people to benefit yourself. You have a lot to learn. Seriously. How come you're not some pretty girl's biatch? Friendship is not a selfless act. When you are friends with someone you might do selfless things for them, however the relationship should always be mutual. They should do stuff for you too. So yes, you do make friends with people to benefit yourself. Sex isn't one of those benefits though. OG, this girl is going to hate you if you don't stop now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 You have a lot to learn. Seriously. How come you're not some pretty girl's biatch? Friendship is not a selfless act. When you are friends with someone you might do selfless things for them, however the relationship should always be mutual. They should do stuff for you too. So yes, you do make friends with people to benefit yourself. Sex isn't one of those benefits though. OG, this girl is going to hate you if you don't stop now. If I wont likely see her again, what is there to lose if she hates me? I mean if she wont go out with me, then why should I care. She hurts my feelings though when she said no. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 If I wont likely see her again, what is there to lose if she hates me? I mean if she wont go out with me, then why should I care. She hurts my feelings though when she said no. There's no point telling you not to ask her out - you're going to anyway - so I'll say yes. Ask her again. However... You're losing self respect by clinging on to a no-hope situation, and you'll waste your time that could be spent on either finding a different woman or on self-improvement. But, if you're taking her down off her pedestal with your "why should I care" attitude then that's a step in the right direction towards coping with rejection (which you need to get used to so that it doesn't hurt). Sure, ask her out again, and if she says no you can walk away (can you?) and never see her again, although she'll probably be walking away muttering rude things about you. Whatever you do, don't come whining that she turned you down because, as you've already told us, she's turned you down already so it really shouldn't come as a surprise when she says no a second time. So, just treat her just like any other friend and if you get on well then go for broke at the end of the class. Meanwhile (and this is where I think you'll stop reading, but feel free to surprise me) go and find another woman! This will improve your chances, because to be honest with you your chances with the first woman are very slim to none as things currently stand. Finally, you should try not to get upset or get your feelings hurt when a woman says no. I say this because if you take it badly it will put you off asking other women, which is exactly what you should be doing if you want to improve your chances of going on a date. Also, rejection is normal in dating - and if you think about it it would be unnatural if everyone said "yes" all the time - so you need to get used to it (with more practice). Link to post Share on other sites
thehead Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 If I wont likely see her again, what is there to lose if she hates me? I mean if she wont go out with me, then why should I care. She hurts my feelings though when she said no. You should care how you treat other people. That's why you should care. You're going to make her sorry she was ever nice to you. Then it's a little bit about revenge? That's what it sounds like when you say this kind of b.s. i n the bold. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 So what - she hurt your feelings. One goal, people are going to hurt your feelings for the next 70 years, especially if you keep putting yourself into situations where you are begging them to be cold to you. She doesn't want to date you. Period. That is her right. If you continue asking her out, then she will be meaner to you, and your feelings will be even more hurt. And then you will just have one more woman to add to the list that you became obsessed with and whose wishes you refused to honor. So why not let this woman be the first one that you really hear, and say to yourself "I will just sit in class with her, and I will be friendly and talk about our projects, and I will understand that her desires are as valid as mine and so I will respect them." And then leave her alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 You should care how you treat other people. That's why you should care. You're going to make her sorry she was ever nice to you. Then it's a little bit about revenge? That's what it sounds like when you say this kind of b.s. i n the bold. So? Why should I care about her feelings? She doesn't care about mine! Link to post Share on other sites
RedRussian8080 Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 "So what - she hurt your feelings" - Yea so what bro, women are special creatures who are holy and can do no wrong. As a man i guess you have to accept it and get over it.........YEA RIGHT! Take her down bro, eye for an eye! Link to post Share on other sites
rafallus Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Where's "onegoal's conscience", when you need one? Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 So? Why should I care about her feelings? She doesn't care about mine! And what has she done to show you that she doesn't care about your feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 One goal, you have had ZERO success with continuing to pursue women that you thought were hot and who you wanted to have sex with. How has that pursuit worked for you? It hasn't. So why not FOR ONCE try something different? How about let this go? Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 I talked to her in text a little bit today to see how her 4th was and she was all cool. It's clear that she isn't repulsed by me, I guess she likes me as a person, but as you see any attempts to socialize with her in person outside of school I make get shot down. Just like the getting together to work on the project. You would think she wouldn't mind meeting up to work on our assignment. Why did she see me as wanting to meet up just to work with her as being a date? Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Because it's clear you're trying to isolate her to be alone with you. The project reasoning is nothing more than a smokescreen. She's not stupid, one goal. You keep asking obvious questions. What's the problem? Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 Because it's clear you're trying to isolate her to be alone with you. The project reasoning is nothing more than a smokescreen. She's not stupid, one goal. You keep asking obvious questions. What's the problem? So she thinks that I only want to meet up with her because I want to be intimate with her, not as to really wanting to do school work. I think the mistake was flat out asking her out at first. So she knew I like her, and then when I asked if we could work together she figures it is another way to get a date with her. I should have asked to work with her first. Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 So she thinks that I only want to meet up with her because I want to be intimate with her, not as to really wanting to do school work. That, or she just might not be comfortable being around you alone outside of school or something. I think the mistake was flat out asking her out at first. So she knew I like her, and then when I asked if we could work together she figures it is another way to get a date with her. I should have asked to work with her first.And how would that have been better? She still might've gave you the same answer. Don't overthink this, dude. Link to post Share on other sites
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