Deep Hurt

[JJJJKKKKJJJJ]

This is really tough, and I understand what I have to do. I just need some words of encouragement, advice and the like.

 

I recently ended a long term relationship of a almost 2 years, out of haste and selfishness. I understand it was my call and now I have to live with the pain. My ex and I, towards the end of the relationship, were growing apart, but still loved eachother very much. He came to me one day and begged for me to change this path we were on, and I told him it would most likely be easier if we just parted ways as friends and took a little time to ourselves to sit alone and really think about out relationship. We were best friends. I will call him (X).

 

The break up is still very new, approx. on its second week and I have decided to go No Contact on Monday because he did something to me that was very disgraceful. He slept with another ex boyfriend of mine, who I will call (Y). (yes, we're a gay couple - please be aware that this is not the time to diminish my relationship or lifestyle, I am just here for help). They spent time together and are continuing to spend time together.

 

(X) and I talked almost everyday after the break-up, him telling me he still loved me very much, that he misses me every day and that he feels so much guilt about what he did that it is slowly killing me...but he is still seeing (Y). he spent three hours on the phone sobbing to me, saying how he doesn't want to lose me. He tells me that (Y) is just there for him to fill the void. The really disturbing thing is that (Y) actually believes that (X) has true and honest feelings for him - I guess he's never heard of transference.

 

It is shameful, dirty and unforgivable what (X) did to me. Although we were single at the time, I hurt him greatly by ending our relationship out of haste. (X), before we broke off, begged and cried to me to change and I was unwilling to do so. (X) said he wishes he could turn back time, and from what he knew now would have fought to get me back. But he feels too guilty and shameful, and is afraid that I will turn around and hurt him back in time. Now that he is not in my life, I miss him terribly. He was my bestfriend and soulmate and I feel guilty for making him feel bad towards the end of our relationship. I am also angry that he violated my honor by sleeping with (Y) and allowing (Y) to boast about it to friends and facebook. (Y) is convinced they were made for eachother and I am positive (X) is only occupying his time and mind away from being heart broken. The last thing (X) said to me was "I love you so much, I miss you and I want you back...but I am so guilty and full of regret I just cannot look at you without dying. I want you back, but I can't come to you yet."

 

Unfortunately, I will be unable to take (X) back if he ever comes to me. What he did hurt me so deep, nothing will fix that. I just need advice. I really love (X) and underlying I really want him back and willing to forgive him...but I am a man of gravity and purpose.

 

This is really, really difficult because (Y) lives very close to me and (X) comes down to see him. (X) also feels there is some chemistry between him and my ex, and I am unsure if this is just because he is trying to get over me and move on.

 

Please help?

Edited June 29, 2011 by Osiris866

[bikinibeach]

this website helped me with my a****** ex : baggagereclaim.com

 

i think you need/needed to take time apart to sort out your feelings. what he did was really disrespectful and he KNEW the implications of it. he is setting everyone around him up for hurt so that he can have his cake and eat it too.

 

really, do you think he will ever respect you if you take him back after this anyway??

 

i'm sorry. breakups suck