heavyiron Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 As a guy, if a girl wants to split the bill 50/50 with me on our first few dates, that would up my respect for her by quite a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 What? I don't even understand that even IF you could fairly make an assumption about me at this point. I just find it funny that you see a woman being responsible with the cleaning, cooking, ironing, or obeying her husband and stuff as a 'stereotype' yet at the same time you conveniently dont see it as a stereotype to expect a man to pay for you. Double standard is fun. He's admitted that while he's perfectly happy to always pick up the tab - there is something very "cool" about a girl that insists on picking up her share. He is a doctor and I think he's used to women assuming (and taking for granted) that he's happy to pay for everything, and the fact that I am so adamant about keeping things equal is a quality he admires about me. Finding a woman who isnt cheap is like finding a man who doesnt just want sex. Its hard. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Yes the "man" the "provider" the "worker" the "swooner" Should PAY! The man in all of history is the one being that did the "chase" of a woman and win her heart so he could spread his genes(same with animals" To give thanks, buy her a god damn meal and a movie lmao. It's just the way it is and I cannot stand guys that feel they shouldn't pay or at least not all of it. Yes, thats right. Just like animals, men should have the right to spread his genes with as many women as they want. Its their natural right! Monogamy is unnatural. Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I always pay, but in theory if she wanted to split it I'd be fine, but tell the service people that straight out so we get separate checks, I don't want to hold some sort of accounting operation in the middle of a restaurant trying to split a tab and tip or worse yet, pay for only our own items. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I always pay, but in theory if she wanted to split it I'd be fine, but tell the service people that straight out so we get separate checks, I don't want to hold some sort of accounting operation in the middle of a restaurant trying to split a tab and tip or worse yet, pay for only our own items. Splitting in the middle to the cents is bad manners. Not even with friends I do that. If the bill is $30, I will throw a $20 even if my order is less than $15 and the other person can pick up the rest. Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Splitting in the middle to the cents is bad manners. Not even with friends I do that. If the bill is $30, I will throw a $20 even if my order is less than $15 and the other person can pick up the rest. Same here, guys always seem to just toss in more than enough and the waitress gets a fat tip, but if we're gonna split it I want to specify separate checks at the get go, not break out a calculator after the food is being digested. Link to post Share on other sites
Chicago_Guy Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Yes the "man" the "provider" the "worker" the "swooner" Should PAY! The man in all of history is the one being that did the "chase" of a woman and win her heart so he could spread his genes(same with animals" To give thanks, buy her a god damn meal and a movie lmao. It's just the way it is and I cannot stand guys that feel they shouldn't pay or at least not all of it. Are you a woman? If you were a guy you would probably feel differently after being taken advantage of by enough women. I think that if a woman really likes a guy, she will insist on paying for something at some point. Link to post Share on other sites
Dusk1983 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Purely because she has quite alot more money than me at the moment (I'm a musician) my girlfriend (a designer) buys me meals, drinks & cooks for me almost everytime I see her. Although she is Italian and they seem to have something about looking after their man. I'd recommend that over a selfish & entitled American princess any day. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Does this actually come up in any of y'all's dating life? Here's how it usually goes in mine (say first date): 1.) I go on date. I certainly bring money, as I will INSIST on paying if I never plan to date the guy again. I am fully prepared to pay for my own ****. 2.) Guy offers to pay for dinner/starts to pay for dinner. 3.) I offer to put in money. 4.) 9 times out of 10, Guy declines my money. 5.) a) If I will never go out with guy again, I insist: to the point of putting cash in his hand if necessary. This is a little bit rude, but I imagine once he figures out I'm never ever going out with him again, he's happy I did. b) If I like said Guy, I let him pay if he declines my offer. I've never had some guy get weird and passive aggressive about it later. c) If Guy is the 1 time out of 10 Guy, I am surprised, but I pay. Most of the time, that guy has decided he's not into going out with me anyway. The other times, that guy would've been like a FWB, but it was basically the above: he decided he either wasn't into me or wasn't into relationships. I have honestly, in the United States (it was different abroad where dutch was the norm) yet to meet a guy who really liked me who was that 1/10. But if he showed all the other signs of really liking me and being relationship oriented and not being a totally cheap bastard (I mean, I don't mind paying my way, but if you're totally anal about everything down to the last cent and always in calculation mode, regardless of your gender, you're an *******; I've not encountered this guy anyway, though, in the dating realm), then I'd still go out with him again. That's just not the way men I've met tend to roll. My BF certainly lets me pay for some stuff (we never do dutch; we do the you get, I get type thing; he makes about double what I make, so he pays a little more often and/or for more expensive stuff), but he wouldn't hear of letting me pay on early dates. I did sneak in a few rounds of drinks, but I had to basically jump in front of him. And this has been true of all the American LTR-type guys I've dated. I just think there's some weird thing socialized into guys that if you really like a girl, you WANT to pay in the beginning. I'm sure the socialization misses some guys, but not many relationship-oriented guys. I know too many guy friends who get like this when they actually like the girl to think there's some sort of passive aggressive "Well, yeah, I'll pay because I like her but I really wish I didn't have to [grumble, grumble] underneath." Mostly, because a lot of the time the guy doesn't HAVE to. He wants to. As for women who think a guy should pay for all dates or worse yet, pay their bills or for them to get their nails done or whatever, that's weird to me. However, I've had a guy offer to buy me fake nails (I basically said, "I have the money for that if I wanted it, weirdo. But they aren't my thing.") and pay for my next salon visit (I did go regularly so this would've been helpful theoretically if I wanted some guy's money) in college and was really wigged out by it. So maybe these girls are used to weirdo guys like him. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Does this actually come up in any of y'all's dating life? While I notice if a woman pays or offers to pay on a first date, I don't give it as much thought as threads like this suggest that other people do. Life is too short to worry about the cost of a coffee or an ice cream, and if it's dinner then, well, life is too short to worry about that, too. If she wants to pay and makes this clear even after I've said "I'll get it" then I won't refuse her offer, and if it was some sort of test then I'm happy to 'fail' it by calling her bluff because I don't want to date women who play silly games like that. So, no, it doesn't come up in my dating life until I get on a forum like this and start to analyse it. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 (edited) While I notice if a woman pays or offers to pay on a first date, I don't give it as much thought as threads like this suggest that other people do. Life is too short to worry about the cost of a coffee or an ice cream, and if it's dinner then, well, life is too short to worry about that, too. If she wants to pay and makes this clear even after I've said "I'll get it" then I won't refuse her offer, and if it was some sort of test then I'm happy to 'fail' it by calling her bluff because I don't want to date women who play silly games like that. You are underestimating the act of paying. Paying is caring. How someone sees paying speaks a lot about that person such as whether that person is cheap or generous, inconsiderate or considerate, or holds traditional views or egalitarian views. A good person wouldnt feel comfortable having someone else let alone a stranger paying for his/her expense. Edited July 27, 2011 by musemaj11 Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 You are underestimating the act of paying. Maybe. I call it "caring about more important things than who buys dinner", but then I'm single so perhaps this is what I'm doing wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
rafallus Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I remember a girl paying for me as well, because I helped her with sth before and told her that "she should take me out for dinner in return". And she agreed. I don't see a big deal. Eating is not the core reason to meet anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
NursingGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 You are underestimating the act of paying. Paying is caring. HEY! We agree on something! Link to post Share on other sites
thehead Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I prefer to pay on dates. I have no problem picking up the tab. If the woman absolutely insists on paying, I'll suggest she pick up something else. So, for instance, I'll get dinner and she'll get parking. Link to post Share on other sites
Sanman Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 You know, when these paying threads come up and people say the man should pay, I am always curious how a woman shows her appreciation for a man and invests in a relationship these days. Sex and physical affection are certainly not relegated to one person at a time these days, so how is a man to gauge if a woman's interest is more than 'hey it is a free meal, I may as well give it shot'? I'm not just talking about women who only want a free meal, but rather women who are deciding between men or taking their time deciding whether they want to date me on my dime. Link to post Share on other sites
NursingGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Exactly! Any man should be able to recognize a woman that is shallow and looking for a free meal. If I find one i don't ask her out again. I am wondering what woman in the world wants to go out with someone she doesn't like to get a "free meal"? Can't she afford her own food? Isn't she independent enough to go out alone if she wants to eat out? Doesn't she have any friends to go out with that she enjoys being with in order to EAT? Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 You know, when these paying threads come up and people say the man should pay, I am always curious how a woman shows her appreciation for a man and invests in a relationship these days. Sex and physical affection are certainly not relegated to one person at a time these days, so how is a man to gauge if a woman's interest is more than 'hey it is a free meal, I may as well give it shot'? I'm not just talking about women who only want a free meal, but rather women who are deciding between men or taking their time deciding whether they want to date me on my dime. that's part of the reason why i pay. i'm doing my part, and playing the role i'm supposed to play. so therefore if she flakes, or lies about something, or ignores communication (even if just to say she's not interested for whatever reason), or is rude, or is unappreciative, it's her being the selfish b*tch, not me being the as*hole. i'm not giving her money, i'm buying information with it. Link to post Share on other sites
NursingGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 You know, when these paying threads come up and people say the man should pay, I am always curious how a woman shows her appreciation for a man and invests in a relationship these days. Lots of ways but you tell me if they are acceptable from a man's point of view. I think these are preferable to haggling about the cost of dinner while we are out in public. I find it to be embarrassing to the man in most instances. -I offer to cook for him at my place, my cost and he accepts - If I am meeting him there, I get the first set of drinks -If we are together on the weekend and beer or something is needed, I go get it and pay -I recently bought my boyfriend of 2 months some aftershave I really like -My boyfriend of two months has a problem with birds nesting on his front porch and I was out and saw an owl figurine that I thought might do the trick. It was only $7 and thought it would be a nice way to show I care (since he is getting tired of the bird crap on his porch and wanted to oust the birds with babies in the nest) -if We are at my home and we want to watch a movie, I pay for it on demand or if I go out and rent it, I pay -If we go out for a day at a festival or picnic or something, I pack the cooler. (And what went in there cost money) -Season tickets to a state park we like -Other surprises not of monetary value -Other purchases Is it really all about money? I am positive that I invest more money into most of my relationships than the guy has ever invested just not out to eat. Like if he has kids....I spend money to bond with them in activities they like. Sometimes, it doesn't involve money, like baking cookies or tossing the football. My ex's son was so grateful that I was playing with him that he gave me a $1. And his good luck rock, so cute! Link to post Share on other sites
NursingGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I have seen it in with "friend zone women" that get very friendly and flirt to see if you take them out to lunch or dinner while away on a business trip. These same women ask for big favors using their feminine skills. Oh pffft. Vampires! lol Link to post Share on other sites
NursingGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 that's part of the reason why i pay. i'm doing my part, and playing the role i'm supposed to play. so therefore if she flakes, or lies about something, or ignores communication (even if just to say she's not interested for whatever reason), or is rude, or is unappreciative, it's her being the selfish b*tch, not me being the as*hole. i'm not giving her money, i'm buying information with it. You are so cool! Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 You are so cool! you women say you want confidence, well, confidence requires maintenance . if i let myself be run over by women then that confidence will soon disappear. if i'm the one doing my part and she doesn't appreciate it enough to give a smile and a "thanks" when i pay for things, open doors, pull out chairs, do the activities she likes, etc, i have no reservations about walking away and looking for someone else knowing that it sure as hell wasn't my fault, with confidence intact. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 -I recently bought my boyfriend of 2 months some aftershave I really like So this one was for your benefit, not his. (but you sound like a nice girlfriend rather than someone who is after a free lunch, so don't take it badly) Link to post Share on other sites
Sanman Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Lots of ways but you tell me if they are acceptable from a man's point of view. I think these are preferable to haggling about the cost of dinner while we are out in public. I find it to be embarrassing to the man in most instances. -I offer to cook for him at my place, my cost and he accepts - If I am meeting him there, I get the first set of drinks -If we are together on the weekend and beer or something is needed, I go get it and pay -I recently bought my boyfriend of 2 months some aftershave I really like -My boyfriend of two months has a problem with birds nesting on his front porch and I was out and saw an owl figurine that I thought might do the trick. It was only $7 and thought it would be a nice way to show I care (since he is getting tired of the bird crap on his porch and wanted to oust the birds with babies in the nest) -if We are at my home and we want to watch a movie, I pay for it on demand or if I go out and rent it, I pay -If we go out for a day at a festival or picnic or something, I pack the cooler. (And what went in there cost money) -Season tickets to a state park we like -Other surprises not of monetary value -Other purchases The first two work for early dates. The others you mentioned are more later on in the relationship things. I find that tends to work itself out and I don't really care about money at that point anyway, but those are still very considerate:D. My issue is more with women going on 1-4 dates and disappearing. I have experienced that and so have friends. This is largely with the younger crowd as well. I experience this much less as I have gotten older and dated women over 25. Though, the current gf is not quite 25 yet, she is very mature and considerate for her age. This may just be more of a NY thing as well. I also have female friends that have admitted to me that they really aren't sure about a guy they are dating, but want to try XYZ restaurant they can't afford so they give the guy another shot...right:rolleyes:. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 The check comes and the girl wants to pay for her own meal. The guy bristles and refuses? Why? Call it romance. Call it courting or wooing but we all know damn well he might as well be holding up a sign that says "But Noooooo! I want to get laid tonight!" as though eating a free meal was the hottest thing ever and their date would be so overcome they'd just have to oblige! Sorry but no, I don't want to have sex with someone that stupid. There was only ever one kind of situation where I was fine with not covering my own expenses on a date. When the guy was the kind who really thought me not paying was because he didn't "allow" me to. I was always perfectly fine with "allowing" them to pay at that point, but not for my expenses so much as wasting my time. I dated to find a suitable partner, not a father. Link to post Share on other sites
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