Lilmisus Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 but i find it funny u said whoever initiates the date, should pay. yet when it comes to women offering the date, u only pay for ur own movie ticket?? does that make sense? no it does not. for ur question, in my experience, usually the girl would hint at things like "i want to see you again" or "when am i going to see u again" and then i will ask them to do something etc. it obv depends on the girl. some are more open to flat out asking to do something on a certain date. and obv also depends how many dates you've been on already, as the more u go on the more comfortable she'll be to initiate ideas. I said at least for my ticket Meaning, if he declines my offering to pay for the movies, I offer to pay for my ticket. I think it shows good signs if a guy is willing to object though, but only to a certain degree. One of my brothers would rather not go on a date than have a girl pay for it, or even a part of it...which I think just shows bad signs about him, rather than good signs. Wow...this is kind of surprising. I'm a woman and I ALWAYS offer to pay half. I don't get how women want to be seen as equals but when it comes to things like this, they think that it's okay to get by without contributing? If I couldn't pay then I probably would decline the date and spend my time looking for a job instead Power to ya, but I personally think that that's pushing it a bit too far. But, that's just me I always like the feel that a date has by knowing that one person would like to spend their money on the other - girl or guy. So, I have yet to even offer to pay for half of it, it's always been full or none (and like I said before, I paid for about 80% of the dates in my previous relationship..not a proud fact). It's either: he takes me out, or I take him out...and I just like how it feels. If I do end up offering to pay half tomorrow, it will be the first time and a new experience for me Link to post Share on other sites
yellowhibiscus Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I said at least for my ticket Meaning, if he declines my offering to pay for the movies, I offer to pay for my ticket. I think it shows good signs if a guy is willing to object though, but only to a certain degree. One of my brothers would rather not go on a date than have a girl pay for it, or even a part of it...which I think just shows bad signs about him, rather than good signs. Power to ya, but I personally think that that's pushing it a bit too far. But, that's just me I always like the feel that a date has by knowing that one person would like to spend their money on the other - girl or guy. So, I have yet to even offer to pay for half of it, it's always been full or none (and like I said before, I paid for about 80% of the dates in my previous relationship..not a proud fact). It's either: he takes me out, or I take him out...and I just like how it feels. If I do end up offering to pay half tomorrow, it will be the first time and a new experience for me I've actually had quite a few take me up on it. The guy that I've been seeing now always does 50/50 with me. I think that being a gentlemen is always important (holding doors open, treating a woman with respect etc) but I don't see how men need to pay for dates all of the time anymore. That's just my POV Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 A considerate woman wouldn't feel entitled to getting paid for just like a considerate man wouldn't feel entitled to getting sex. Link to post Share on other sites
NursingGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I believe women are not crazy about cheap men that ask them to cough up money. A man should be a gentleman at all times. I'm dredging up a semi-old thread but I agree with you. I don't ever split the cost of my dates. It never occurred to me, to be honest! lol Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 You old folks are funny. This is 2011. Your thinking is so 1949. Link to post Share on other sites
NursingGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Yeah, well maybe so, but I'd rather never date again than to skip the romance. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Yeah, well maybe so, but I'd rather never date again than to skip the romance. Yup, getting paid for is romance and a man doesnt deserve romance. Only women. Link to post Share on other sites
NursingGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 To each his own. I do see that Pierre has a history of being harsh about this subject, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I find it odd that people think "a man has to show his appreciation for the girl," thus justifying the need for the man to pay... If one is to apply said logic and mindset, wouldn't it also be warranted that the woman should follow suit and show HER appreciation for the man? If the dude's gonna treat you to a fancy dinner, a walk down the boardwalk, and get you some ice cream, you better be willing drop his trousers and go to town. Just sayin'. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Gee, a topic that has never been covered at LS before. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 To each his own. I do see that Pierre has a history of being harsh about this subject, lol. Because Pierre is Class of 1949 himself. I understand though we are all fuits of our own generations. My 55 year old mother also thinks like you. In her belief its the job of a man to bear the financial burden of a relationship. But then again she also holds herself to very outdated female responsibilities like cooking, cleaning, ironing, obeying her husband, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
NursingGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 If the dude's gonna treat you to a fancy dinner, a walk down the boardwalk, and get you some ice cream, you better be willing drop his trousers and go to town. Just sayin'. I've been in the dating world long enough to see that the above scenario (minus the guy paying) is pretty likely to happen anyway. Yes, women can make up their own minds and enjoy sex as much as a guy but I think there would be less questions on this forum about the status of the relationship if women would be more upfront about communication prior to sex. If I want to have casual sex, I make up my mind about it. Then, I don't expect it to be anything else. IF I'm unsure of our relationship status, I ask. I don't care if he feels "pressured". I don't care if he goes away if he feels pressured. Maybe all of that has nothing to do with whether a guy pays for a date or not and maybe it does. I just think things have gotten way too casual and I don't think it really benefits men OR women. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I find it odd that people think "a man has to show his appreciation for the girl," thus justifying the need for the man to pay... If one is to apply said logic and mindset, wouldn't it also be warranted that the woman should follow suit and show HER appreciation for the man? If the dude's gonna treat you to a fancy dinner, a walk down the boardwalk, and get you some ice cream, you better be willing drop his trousers and go to town. Just sayin'. If you read closely, I think the OP is simply saying that the man should pay for the hotel as an 'appreciation' for her 'service'. I think its a fair deal. Link to post Share on other sites
NursingGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Because Pierre is Class of 1949 himself. I understand though we are all fuits of our own generations. My 55 year old mother also thinks like you. In her belief its the job of a man to bear the financial burden of a relationship. But then again she also holds herself to very outdated female responsibilities like cooking, cleaning, ironing, obeying her husband, etc. Now you are mixing everything up in one big ball of stereotype! lol I don't know how old Pierre is but if he graduated or was born (or even breathed) in 1949, we are no where near the same age. Your Mom is significantly older than me also....mean girl. Or boy. My boyfriend cooks everything. My husband used to bring me coffee in the morning and run my bath water. I doubt either one would expect me to "obey" him! I was just expressing my opinion. Is this not allowed here? I didn't judge anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Now you are mixing everything up in one big ball of stereotype! lol I don't know how old Pierre is but if he graduated or was born (or even breathed) in 1949, we are no where near the same age. Your Mom is significantly older than me also....mean girl. Or boy. My boyfriend cooks everything. My husband used to bring me coffee in the morning and run my bath water. I doubt either one would expect me to "obey" him! I was just expressing my opinion. Is this not allowed here? I didn't judge anyone. Then you are one of those selfish (American?) women who hold men to responsibilities while you hold yourself to none of your own. I dont mind women like my mother. But Im watchful of those like you. Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I absolutely always offer to pay my share...whether on the first date or the hundredth. And not the half-hearted, fake-reach-for-the-wallet move, either. I actually insist upon it. On our first few dates my boyfriend absolutely refused to let me pay for anything, but now that we hang out all weekend every weekend, he's gotten better about letting me trade off with him. We've settled into a nice natural rhythm, and while he still pulls out his wallet every single time a cheque arrives, if I insist upon it enough, he lets me pay every other to every third time. He's admitted that while he's perfectly happy to always pick up the tab - there is something very "cool" about a girl that insists on picking up her share. He is a doctor and I think he's used to women assuming (and taking for granted) that he's happy to pay for everything, and the fact that I am so adamant about keeping things equal is a quality he admires about me. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 He's admitted that while he's perfectly happy to always pick up the tab - there is something very "cool" about a girl that insists on picking up her share. He is a doctor and I think he's used to women assuming (and taking for granted) that he's happy to pay for everything, and the fact that I am so adamant about keeping things equal is a quality he admires about me. I thought your boyfriend was a cook? Link to post Share on other sites
NursingGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I absolutely always offer to pay my share...whether on the first date or the hundredth. And not the half-hearted, fake-reach-for-the-wallet move, either. I actually insist upon it. On our first few dates my boyfriend absolutely refused to let me pay for anything, but now that we hang out all weekend every weekend, he's gotten better about letting me trade off with him. We've settled into a nice natural rhythm, and while he still pulls out his wallet every single time a cheque arrives, if I insist upon it enough, he lets me pay every other time or so. He's admitted that while he's perfectly happy to always pick up the tab - there is something very "cool" about a girl that insists on picking up her share. He is a doctor and I think he's used to women assuming (and taking for granted) that he's happy to pay for everything, and the fact that I am so adamant about keeping things equal is a quality he admires about me. Fair enough. I know my boyfriend would rather pay for us when we are out and would be embarrassed if I made a big deal out of it. But when we are together on weekends at either home, I will go out and buy groceries or beer. We have gone to a store together and I fully plan on paying for things i pick up....but he insists. Then, I insist on giving him the money back later. I think that the boyfriend and I are on the same page regarding this because we are both "old". Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 yay, this thread again . i always pay. i make more than most folks do (not bragging, just for the purpose of this discussion...) and if a woman who makes less money wants to pay out of some sense of fairness or dignity or whatever, i actually am a bit put off by it. i go out of my way to be fair to other people, whether they are women or male friends, until they show me they aren't deserving of that treatment. and someone who needs that hundred bucks more than me shouldn't be paying for me, it's pretty easy to get a bit of guilt over such things from my standpoint, so i don't let people pay for me. the issue does usually come up with women who feel that they must pay for some things for whatever reason, and i simply explain that i don't put a lot of emphasis on money and am not trying to 'buy' them, so they shouldn't worry about it. i have money, but the only thing the money does is allow us to do the things we want to do, it doesn't mean anything. Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I thought your boyfriend was a cook? My ex boyfriend was. Link to post Share on other sites
Sanman Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 (edited) I'm dredging up a semi-old thread but I agree with you. I don't ever split the cost of my dates. It never occurred to me, to be honest! lol The dating world and society was completely different when that notion of romance was popular. There was a time when a man would take a woman out and 'court' her. However, he could also go home from that date with the expectation that the first thing she did when she got home was not log onto her online dating account and confirm a date with another guy tomorrow night. Hell, when this was popular 'necking' was considered getting far and sex was routinely something that happened only after marriage. Assure me prior to the first date that I am the only man you are seeing, sleeping with, and that you are interested in a relationship with me and I can see investing in the relationship by paying for dates. My current gf did this (even deleted her dating profile before we met) and I did invest in our relationship. However, much more commonly women want to make no promises and reserve the right to see and sleep with other men while I am dating them. Thus, I feel no need to show them any such appreciation. Edited July 27, 2011 by Sanman Link to post Share on other sites
NursingGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Then you are one of those selfish (American?) women who hold men to responsibilities while you hold yourself to none of your own. I dont mind women like my mother. But Im watchful of those like you. What? I don't even understand that even IF you could fairly make an assumption about me at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
NursingGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 The dating world and society was completely different when that notion of romance was popular. Yes, you are right. That's tough to argue with. I also don't like it when someone I am going out with logs onto their POF account via phone on his way over to pick me up. I sure as heck don't expect much out of the relationship until he at least he removes his profile pics and hides his profile in a search. Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Yes, you are right. That's tough to argue with. I also don't like it when someone I am going out with logs onto their POF account via phone on his way over to pick me up. I sure as heck don't expect much out of the relationship until he at least he removes his profile pics and hides his profile in a search. don't read too much into that stuff, i think that's a mistake. there are lots of potentially harmless reasons for this kind of stuff.... a) he wanted to check back up on stuff you said for conversation ideas, which demonstrates effort on his part. you don't know he was replying or looking at someone else, he could be re-reading your profile. i always do this. b) people meet long distance acquaintances on dating sites all the time, i have set up platonic one time only dates on those sites while traveling and kept in touch with some of those women strictly to talk about a common interest, but there's no future with any of them due to the distance, obviously. actions in person are worth a lot more information than actions on a dating site. Link to post Share on other sites
NursingGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 don't read too much into that stuff, i think that's a mistake. there are lots of potentially harmless reasons for this kind of stuff.... a) he wanted to check back up on stuff you said for conversation ideas, which demonstrates effort on his part. you don't know he was replying or looking at someone else, he could be re-reading your profile. i always do this. b) people meet long distance acquaintances on dating sites all the time, i have set up platonic one time only dates on those sites while traveling and kept in touch with some of those women strictly to talk about a common interest, but there's no future with any of them due to the distance, obviously. actions in person are worth a lot more information than actions on a dating site. Good points! I honestly never thought that he might be re-reading our conversations! Link to post Share on other sites
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